You are 100% right. Time for private grieving is a very important part of the process. So early in the grief process I was just not up to dinner invitations emotionally. Do what your heart tells you and what your needs are at this time. True friends and family will still be there when you are ready. Your girlfriend is sort of right in one aspect. Over time people do move on with their lives and you become less and less the focus of attention. Right now you need to be gentle to yourself.

No, you're not wrong, and don't feel guilty. Private grieving is good, just don't let it make you a shut in. I can't say for sure if the invites will stop, but if you don't feel like it maybe say "I can't make it then, tomorrow (or the day after) would be better for me. Can we do it then?"

I know how much you appreciate their offers, but you are right. You need time to take care of you and some things we just need to be alone to work out. As for the invitations stopping, your real friends with stay with you. We say that grief changes your address book, but it just shows us who are our true friends. You are right in listening to what you need to do. Sharon

You are so lucky to have people around you that care about you. I wish someone had been there for me. The alone grieving is just terrible.

Thanks everyone for the advice! Sometimes it helps to vent with people who understand. I am sorry sandeetttn. Yes, you are right. Some people could only wish they had my problem. I count my blessings every day!

You're not wrong and you sound exhausted. Too bad you can't ask for a rain check, like a real thing, and drop it in the mail when you're ready for that Sunday dinner or lunch out or whatever. Because yes, the invites will stop coming. You get noise when you want quiet and quiet when a little noise to get lost in would be just the right thing. The alone time is important, I think if you told people that you needed some after everything that's happened, they would understand.

HMMM . . ?? I can concur with most responses, but will share my own experience(s) with this dilemma:

The invites came from some (not all) and I did not feel like socializing early on. If they wanted to come to the house, it was a "maybe" . . as for going out, I chose not to. I can only fake so much and I needed my alone time, without guilt. I set my personal boundaries and stuck to them. Glad I did. For the in between moments in need of companionship, I came to DS or called a trusted friend. Heck, I can sit here in my PJ's unshowered, without pressure to "present" and no one on the other end of the phone or net can see me. LOL

The invites have not stopped for me at one year. I still decline most. I visit with a close neighbor when I feel up to it . . a 5 minute walk that does me good. Otherwise, once again, no guilt in saying "no thanks". (Without expounding or making excuses)

True friends will not push you in your need for private time and your invites will still be forthcoming in future from those that love, care and respect you. The focus right now needs to be on YOU and what's best for you, not about making other people feel better or going along with the flow of unsolicited well-meaning advice. Just my take on things.

Remember, guilt serves no purpose. To thine own self be true!!

Hugs, Dayna

I tend to be introverted and never was a "social butterfly", but I truly needed alone time when my husband died. At first one of my neighbors kept coming over almost daily and it was a bit "much". I finally explained to her that I really needed to be alone to work through some stuff. She was not upset, and told me to call her when I was ready. After a couple of weeks, I gave her a call and asked her to come over at her convenience. She came and actually cried with relief. She admitted that she felt compelled to watch over me because she told my husband that she would not let me be lonely. Also admitted that on a couple of occasions she really didn't want to come! We are once again just friends rather than one "checking up" on the other out of pity

Follow your heart calgaryhair.....your true friends will not abandon you!

Amen, hgsdme! Concur.

Private time to grieve is just as important as any other aspect of the grieving process. Give yourself that gift of time. It is ok to say "thank you for thinking of me, but could we get together another time?" There are many ways to bow out gracefully; and those who care about you will understand. Early in my grief process I recognized the need to be alone; and actually felt more comfortable alone for a while. I did stay in telephone contact with others; and when I was ready, stepped out of my comfort zone taking baby steps to rejoin life. Be kind and gentle with yourself right now. It's ok. Blessings always.

I like Eric's suggestion, to ask that the friend call you another time. I'd even go so far as to say "please call me again in a month or so."

My husband passed 12/17. I go to coffee/lunch with my girlfriends often. I am also in 2 book clubs, have 3 daughters to raise and a house to run. Right now I am only into local simple invites like coffee and lunch. My hubbys college friends want to get together in NYC and a few other old friends. I have told everyone I would love to get together either this spring or summer. Maybe give friends a time frame. This week I am busy but would love to get together for dinner in 2 weeks. It is overwhelming but I am grateful for the attention so I don't have too much alone time.