Welcome! I hope you find some comfort here. Sandy

Mamabird....so happy that you could move forward and have met someone. I don't think, don't know as this is all so new to me, that you ever stop loving or missing your first husband......death is not like a divorce, there was still love when his life ended....at least that is how I think.

Divorce is easy, compared to this.

I don't usually disagree with many statements on here -- but I don't think it's fair to say "divorce is easy."

Having been through a divorce 20 years ago based on infidelity and emotional abuse, and now having been through the death of my wonderful husband on October 29, 2014, I can say that dealing with the death is heartbreaking and devastating, while dealing with a divorce was painful in a very different way - when someone is cruel to you and hurts you on purpose, that is a horrible pain that changes everything about you. When someone passes away and leaves you hurting without any intention on their part to do so, that is a loss so tremendous that again, it changes everything about you, but not because someone intentionally wanted to hurt you. Neither is "easy," and both hurt in a deep, but different, way.

MamaBird, I'm sorry that you joined our group. Can I ask you why you joined now? It seems that you've moved forward with a new marriage after the loss of your husband 3 years ago and yet here you are!

Please don't miss understand my question. I love that you've come here and are sharing your perspective with us, there are times that I wonder and am even curious as I come upon my two year mark of my loss, about where I want my life to go in my future. And to about others and how they've met their challenges and are moving in positive directions is always good to hear about.

My children are grown and I'm not close to your age and, I still feel as if I'm married to Morey. I wear my wedding rings and talk to him all the time.

How did you move forward and where did you meet your new husband?

With warmth,
Roz

Lisastp I agree with you I was married once before and that marriage ended in divorce then married again and that marriage sadly ended with his passing, neither was easy like you divorce is sad and hurts but nothing like the pain you feel of losing someone you still truly loved and cared for.

Rozmorey I am not currently married to the man I now share my life with we are just now starting to talk about getting married lol. I joined this group now because three years ago when my husband passed I had no connection to the internet and no local support groups for people like myself. While I have started moving forward with my life and made a new family for myself there isn't a day that I don't think of Wayne and miss him dearly. When I look into my daughters eyes I reminded daily of his love for us and while that is a great thing some days it breaks my heart knowing I will never see him again, that his daughter will never know him or his love except for the stories she hears.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of the accident that eventually took my sweet Wayne from us maybe that is why I have seeked this group out.

From an outsiders perspective it appears that I have moved on with my life and in ways I agree I have but in others I have not. Today my heart hurts just like it did three years ago as I held my baby girl and learned of the news that would take my husband and her father away from us. Still to this day I keep a cylinder filled with his ashes with me wherever I go, I still wear the jewelry he gave during our time together, his pictures hang in my daughters room, and his clothes were turned into warm snuggly quilts for my daughter.

While I now have a great man in my life and some awesome friends I know that they must grow tired of listening to me ALWAYS talk about Wayne so I guess I was just looking for a place where I could share my story with others who aren't bored to tears with the same old stories over and over again every year around this time.
As far as the how did I move forward question it took a lot of prayer from not only myself but some really good friends, a good church and the love I have for my baby girl is what kept me going when I didn't have the strength to get out of bed in the mornings.

Mama Bird

I want to welcome you to this group. I totally understand you're feelings about the desire to be able to talk with others who have gone through the terrible loss of losing the person who you planned on spending the future with. I'm sorry for your loss.

I lost my husband almost 8 years ago and the comfort I receive here is priceless. We may rebuild a life for ourselves, but we still need those who have experienced the loss. Rebuilding doesn't mean leaving those loving feelings behind, but using them in a positive way to build a future. Sharon

MamaBird, thank you so much for teaching me what I didn't know. I feel that the loss of my Morey will encompass my life forever, not that it will define me, just that it will be part of me for as long as I live.

I, too, can totally understand now how coming to a group like this would be so consoling and helpful.

I'm so sorry that you had to experience such a horrible loss while trying to raise your baby girl! You are showing her how to love and how to handle loss with grace.

You have a wonderful attitude. Thank you for sharing your life with us,

Roz

I understand the need to talk and discuss things and feels with people who can relate. That's why I am here. I also can relate to the sick of hearing about it. I am at week 9 without my Gary and I have a very limited support system. I feel they are tired of my down and out moods and need to talk.

I feel like I look normal on the outside, but others say I just look so sad. So happy for you that you have found someone. My husband told me 2 months before he passed that if anything ever happened to him to find someone to be good to me. (his father had passed this summer as well)

I can't imagine every doing that at my age (50) and ever being able to accept someone else, we were married 32 years.

Garmel, I know exactly what you mean.....I like men. I love talking to them and hearing their opinions. I adored my father and couldn't wait for him to come home from work and share his day. And, then I got so lucky to have a verbal, intellectual and charming man for myself. I always felt as if the world began and ended with Morey.

I loved hearing Morey's views on the world and life in general. Men can be such complicated thinkers. I miss just sitting and listening to him talk as I watched his hand gestures, eyebrows arch and the twinkle in his eyes. Oh! God! I miss him so!!!

I would like to join a men's group where I can just sit with them and we can talk!

Roz

Roz just read your post, Morey and my Ray must be kindered folk. Ray was so-so smart but so different in that he thought things through. Always had a new or unusual twist on a conversation and when he spoke he made you think about things. I watched a PBS special the other night with Peter, Paul and Mary talking about life and politics. I actually asked Ray his opinion on what they were talking about..Forgot for a moment he wasn't there. I so wanted to discuss their views with him, get his take on what they said.

Ray too was a complicated thinker, on many topics, and he was passionate when he spoke. Sometimes he overwhelmed people with his thoughts and was to abrupt giving his opinion. But I have had people tell me that is what they'll miss most, because he made them think. I wish I had a recording of Ray's trueisms..to play and make me smile..

I could stare into his eyes forever. I could listen to him speak and follow the curve of his mouth, and the cleft in his chin [why do men cover their wonderful chins with beards?] Didn't matter he had dimples in his cheeks [Oh! Yeh! He covered those with hair too!]

I'll NEVER let him fade away....maybe that's why I keep all his pictures up on every wall so I can't.

He was a great guy but a very moody person [even when he was younger.] It didn't matter. He was kind and loving through it all [until he became ill.] Towards the end of his life he actually became cruel and distant [he scared me], his behavior was so bizarre! It wasn't him, he was suffering with a form of dementia and he was in pain. He wasn't my Morey anymore and that's very difficult to forget. I try to push aside the really awful stuff and only remember the man I fell in love with and who loved me!

He gave me 3 wonderful children and many years of laughter and joy......I'll always be grateful to him for that. RIP my love!!!

Roz