I understand what you are saying with the ups and downs. I'm new into the journey so I can say I having more down days than up. My son is also having a difficult time. He's not in school and doesn't live close by. In fact he lives almost 23 hours away from me and is a grown man. He is on his on grief journey and it is causing huge problems with work. Age doesn't seem to matter. They are are still our children and we will always be concerned for their health and well being until our last breath is gone.
This is a good place to come to talk. You can always find someone else going through something similar. I too miss my husband. He would always say things will be fine or everything will work out but now I'm not getting the pep talk I so often need. I hope your son as well as mine overcome their issues.
Hugs to you.
Terri

So sorry to hear that your son is having trouble with school. As a former teacher, I can offer a bit of advice. If you are not already in touch with his teacher(s), it would be a good idea to send a note or an email. The teacher can tell you what she observes and you can do the same in return. Sometimes just opening a line of communication can help resolve the problem. Hope this helps.

Wishing you both all the best in 2015.

I have adult children and recently found out one of my daughters age 42 is having " a time letting go of 2014" feels like she is leaving Dad behind. I thought she was doing ok... Sadly I thought a granddaughter age 7 who was so close to her Papa would have the hard time due to family split with her Mom and my other children. She is doing wonderful so far. Communication is the key and that is what I see with the granddaughter she talks and shares .. She makes me feel good when I see her and we talk about missing Papa and that we all do... Prayers for you and your son

We are alone now; to ponder our lives; to wonder what the future holds for us; to keep our families in-tact; to eat alone; to shop alone; to face the evenings and the mornings alone.....We ARE alone.

Now, what can we do with our aloneness......I decided that I wasn't going to retire from my job [Morey wanted me to retire in 2014, with him] we were going to travel, take up a dual hobby [something we both could do together.] We were going to work on our vacation home and we were going to walk more, with the dogs and go out more with his brother. Morey passed in April, 2013 very suddenly.

Aw, the best laid plans.....I've said this before life changes on a dime and we have to spin with it.

Our children are grown but that doesn't matter, the loss of their father is ENORMOUS and life changing to them. Our oldest daughter who is over 40 cries all the time for her Dad. Our son who is also over 40 checks on me constantly [he never did this before] and our youngest daughter can't get out of her depression [it's grief that's consuming her!]

You see it doesn't matter what the age; a parent is a parent, is a parent. And, depending on how close you are to your children they still consider you their mentors. Morey was EVERYONE'S hero and rightly so.

My dog Horton [big Black Lab] goes to work with me and faces my day with me. That helps. He walks in the door at the end of the day with me. He goes over to PaPa's chair and sniffs it EVERYDAY. I wonder what's going through his mind.

I keep a light on in the corner of the living room now so it doesn't look so bleak and dark. But, the quietness is consuming sometimes! I turn on the T.V. just to get some people in my home!!!!

You see, we are ALL sharing your life with you, we're just living it in different places!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you truly aren't. I'll think of you at night, if you'll think of me!

Roz

Thank you all for responding and reminding me I'm not alone on this journey. I'm glad that I decided to come back to this group, it does make a difference to know that others are going through similar stuff. You are all right, it does not matter how old your children are, they are always your babies. Matthew just turned 14, and his dad was his biggest hero, he thought he walked on the moon! Thanks again for being here...

2 years here. My 48 year old son, came back home 7 months ago. He has been seeing a therapist for anxiety, depression, and grief. Age doesn't matter.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Yet, I am gently reminded that in many ways we feel alone, abandoned, lost, and uncertain. It's times like this that we sincerely feel the lost support of our passed significant relationships. Indeed, putting on a happy face is exhausting and draining. You don't have to 24/7. Take time out for you . . . if you are rested and regrouping your scattered energies, you will be better able to handle your son's crisis. Sounds selfish, but must put self first before you can be truly effective in the matters of others emotional well-being. (Lil tough love reminder). Sorry you are going through this. Also, as a last advice, talk to his school counselor's and get them on board to help you!! That is what they are there for! Best wishes for better days ahead. Dayna

We all can understand the feelings you are struggling with. I don't mean to be harsh, but a friend you feel you have to hide your emotions from isn't much of a friend. Let them help you and if they don't you haven't lost anything. Tell them honestly what you need and that's to be understood. They have no idea, but you should be able to be yourself with them. Sharon

I know for my grown son and daughter, it has been really difficult grieving the loss of their dad. My daughter, was a daddy's girl and my son and his Dad were true friends. My daughter is a nursing teacher ....the module she has been preparing for is on Palliative Care.....
The memories of her dad's last days have been flooding back....we both sat at the kitchen table sobbing our hearts out. She needed that!
My son has 5 small boys, so he doesn't get to vent his grief as much......it's true no matter how old they are.....it hurts. Please give a BIG hug to your lovely son, Mathew and a Bug Hug for you,
You are not alone,
In my thoughts,
Sandra


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I completely understand how you feel. I have twin boys. They are 16 now. It has been 2 years and 3 months since my husband died. We always depended on each other and not on others. And he was my go to person to talk to and discuss with. We all have our best girlfriend that we can talk to. But it's not the same as your spouse. And I know a big part of me knows even my best friend doesn't understand how I feel because she still has her husband. Grant you mine is there for me if I need her, but it's still not the same. Wishing the best SS