Well they weren't exactly my loved ones but right after Michael died his whole entire family pretty much disappeared. I certainly found out who my real friends are and who only dealt w/ me cuz I was his wife.

I'm going through the same thing myself. My family has been wonderful but my husband's family has not contacted me at all in the four weeks since he has died. So I guess I only exited while he was alive.

Oh yes. My son has been awful. I removed myself from the situation, and have felt a lot better. I can concentrate on me. I do have a friend who calls about once a week. It is good. She is like my best friend, and we've known each other about 35 years. We may not hear from each other for 10 years, but we pick up where we left off. Concentrate on yourself. Sometimes family members have different ways of handling the grieving process. It may take while before they come around.

For me , the opposite happened with his sister as she realized that it is now only her mom (almost 87) myself and my kids on her side of the family now that her father and brother have passed. The entire time of my marriage to her brother , she made things difficult. So many people assumed that now that my husband was gone I would not be in her life. I could not walk away . I did however set some ground rules and it took months but now we have a friendly relationship. She asked me to stay in her live as she does not really get along with her in-laws. To me it`s a connection to him.
My family has been supportive and always willing to be there for me . All I have to do is call. My older brother (I am the youngest of 8) and I had started getting closer in the last few years and that relationship has also grown stronger. His family that he grew up with, cousins etc have also been wonderful. They have not been in my life every single day and I wouldn`t want them to be but have been supportive through emails and phone calls here and there , giving me my space but caring at the same time. They always tell me "Call if you need anything" and they mean it. When Daughter needed help with the memorial fundraiser, she called them and they completely supported her. It`s amazing but not surprising as it is a true testament of who he was as a person. Towards the end of his life, he spoke with many and asked them to be there for me and the kids and they honour this .

Yes. My in laws. I'm coming up on a year and I don't get it. They have moved on with their lives. What's sad is that I have a 14 year old daughter and the same is true for her. They were very active in our lives before Mike died and now she feels like her grandmother hates her.
I don't understand it and I don't know what the answer is, either.

Unfortunately what you are experiencing seems to be more the norm than the exception. I receive the most offers of help from a group of men at our church and those offers have diminished remarkably since my husband's death. We seem to have absolutely no understanding in our culture of helping widows. Our government discriminates against them and people have no clue how to reach out and offer assistance. It is very sad.

Yes, unfortunately. I have 5 siblings, and only one of them (my eldest sister) really came through for me and my sons. My older brother avoided me like the plague, although he did help my younger son get to school for a few weeks until his bus service could be straightened out - my son is autistic and Cliff used to take him to and from school. I couldn't work and do both. I had problems of varying kinds with the others. One I never heard from but I don't hold it against him - he had his own problems. One only called when she was drunk, and that was to complain about growing old alone (!). The other was in a financial crisis and I was getting collection calls for her morning, noon, and night despite us living 3,000 miles apart. When I asked her to do something so they would stop calling me and upsetting me and my sons, she told me just to use my cell phone and not answer my phone which sure seemed to be an incredibly insensitive response. My brother-in-law I didn't hear from after the funeral. I got tired of initiating all the contact. (We had disowned my sister-in-law for trying to steal Cliff's inheritance when their father died, so my BIL was all that was left of his family.)

I have forgiven as much as I can and let it go as much as possible, but it was very hurtful, very disappointing, and frankly it ticked me off that the people who should have come through for my sons did not. I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it, and I still love them all, but I know now how far to trust or rely on any of them - about as far as I could throw them, which ain't far....

I count myself truly blessed that my eldest sister stood by me and my sons. She was also the only one that grieved for Cliff - he was a little brother to her and she had her own memories of him as he had worked with her. If it wasn't for her, my sons would have had no family left at all. My parents and Cliff's are all dead, too.

Do you want to say what's happened to you?? What has upset you??

Love and Hugs,
Martha

yeah i'm at that stage now. I feel like 'old news'

i have friends who care but iv'e never felt so detached from the human race

My husband's family (minus his Son and daughter) have always treated me as the red headed stepchild, so them not contacting me after he passed is not surprising. But the extra stress they put on me during his illness was unexcusable. He even talked to them before he got really sick and ask them to help me anyway they could. But that I guess was too much to ask. I certainly understand what you are going through I did it for 8 mths of his illness. I am kinda glad they do not contact me for I do not need the extra stress.

The reaction from my extended family has been very supportive, as we were always close. The thing is, that even though we have a great relationship, they really can't help us in the really difficult things.

Sure they can help with the day-to-day survival stuff ( they have helped sort out and donate most of my wife's clothes ). But figuring out what to do with the rest of your life is pretty much on you.

My sister is my biggest fan. She is trying to set me up with some of her friends :) They probably will be a disaster, but my sister is trying the best she can.

I am fortunate that my kids who have children both live a mile from my house, so I see the grandkids every week. That is very healing to see them grow and become little adults. There is some of my wife in each of them :)

I feel like the exception here. I'm at just about 10 months and I still receive unending support, including a very close relationship with my in-laws.

Yes my oldest brother, he did not care. My youngest son's ex. she would call the hospital and leave terrible message. The most surprising one was my oldest son. He never called my husband or me when my husband was in the hospital. He never acknowledge that his father was died, never came home ect. Does not call now. My youngest son has to many of his own issues to support me.
However I had many people who did help and support. These are the people that I will always keep in my life. My sister, my other brother, my niece and nephews (on my husband side), five very good friends, my ILs. people that I work with, my oldest grandson's mother and of course my two wonderful grandsons.

My entire family. My children, his family, my family. Its like when he was buried, so was I....

I too feel like an exception. Relatives on both sides, friends and neighbors, and my children were and continue to be very supportive and helpful.

Yes Yes Yes. But there were also a few people that went out of there way to be more supportive. Its a opportunity to see people's true character. I am sorry for those that disappointed you. Gerald (that in itself is another kind of pain)