I don't think the feeling ever goes away, but nearly 6 yrs. without my husband has eased that terrible pain of the first year, and somewhat blurred the edges of that hole in my heart. Today when I wake up, my first thought is not "he is gone, how can I make it thru the day" I see a photo of him at age 26 on my night table, and marvel at how handsome he was. I will always miss him, but I try to take one day at a time and not look at "the gray mudflats of the future" as one new widow phrased it.
Wishing you peaceful days - Doye

Your post provides hope for me. I am at the cusp of 9 months and I am in horrific pain 24/7 and it is endless, started about a little under a month ago, as though it is JUST hitting me that Frankie is gone forever. I thought I was doing so well. Unbelievable to me. I couldn't have imagined functioning in this kind of pain, this incredible loneliness and raising all these little ones completely and totally alone, no family, no help. It's like being at the threshold of hell, a hell I thought I had side-stepped, as I said I had been doing so well. I did cancer with him for 4 1/2 years for God's sake and I nursed that man through everything in those last 6 months I changed his diapers I walked with him and held him up as he leaned on me EVERYWHERE from chair to the bathroom what seemed like 100 times a day and bathing him and clipping his nails his toenails literally everything and all the little ones alone....I did that with strength God gave me and here I am in the aftermath...falling apart NOW?
Your post reminds me of what I hope I already know underneath this hell, that I will get to a place that isn't as horrific as this and have some semblance of peace one day. I just must, I don't want to live like this. Right now it isn't a choice it's happening TO me, and I am at the very least functioning, taking care of my babies and putting them first as always and taking care of my responsibilities. It is unbelievable to me what pain I am in now. It's indescribable.

Cindy

I don't want to be here. I am awaiting the hour alone but for the few words my wife can whisper. She barely takes fluid. We are alone in the wilderness in our Suwannee River cottage where she wanted to be. We spent every hour together as we worked and loved together. I read the post on here and do not want what awaits me.. But it is brain Cancer... So I am already alone yet she is still here. she can say little other than "i love you" . I am not one of two, I am now half of one. I am dying inside. I can not bear it.

I am coming up on what would have been our 42 anniversary on the 19th and in 3 months (Nov. 10 th) it will be my second anniversary without him.
It's better, but the sadness and pain are always there. Just not every moment anymore. I guess we just have to live with it.
Bob, I'm so sorry. I wish you both peace.
Maureen

Today was month five of my husband's passing. So many thoughts today and tears. Tonight a neighbor and I went to dinner. She is also a widow, but her husband passed eight years ago. She understood all the feelings I have been going through. Her husband died from brain cancer and knows the heartache. Like Cindy, I nursed my husband through his cancer battle, did it all by myself and it is hard to turn off all those visions and memories of caregiving. Hopefully with time and grief counseling the happy memories will replace the illness memories.