Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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2 months today

Judymc04
Judymc04
Today is the 2 month anniversary of my husband's death. In the last week, I think I've made remarkable progress in accepting the fact that he's not coming back and I'm tired of crying all the time (plus it makes my feel like I've got the worse hangover ever), I'm tired of being sad, and I'm tired of being depressed constantly. I pray every night that God gives me the strength to get through another day without him and do something that would make him proud of me. He suffered for 3/1/2 months before he died and I know in my heart he would not have wanted to continue that way. As my brother said, his death was so hard because Bill always seemed bigger than life. He loved and cherished each day and made the most of everything. He would hate the fact that I want to hole up in the house and be miserable (which seems to be my comfort zone). So, out of respect for him I had a long talk with myself and decided I'm going to make the best of the life I've been given here and carry on in his memory. In feel so blessed to have had 36 years with him, 4 kids, 9 grandchildren who all adored their "Papa" and the best memories to sustain me. I know I'm not alone going through this...he's given me and my kids too many signs that he's still around and watching over us and that gives me strength. I'm taking one day at a time. I still haven't moved any of his clothes, still sleep with his jacket and pillow, wear his T-shirts to bed and go the cemetery every day to talk to him. I will know when the time is right to go through his clothes, etc. but for now I'm trying to be strong and take one day at a time. Maybe the bottom will drop out again soon - which I'm sure it will - but I know I've got the strength to cope with that and look forward to tomorrow. At first I felt guilty that I was handling things this well but now I feel I'm honoring his memory and living for him as he would want me to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Today is 8 months for me. Bill (mine) died on December 24. At 2 months everything was still pretty much a fog for me. be gentle with yourself. You project a healthy and positive attitude (choosing to focus on what you are grateful for...rather than your immeasurable loss) and yes...I believe he would be honored by your ability to survive...thrive...

I am sure there will be many "grief-bursts" in both our futures this year...but we will emerge more compassionate loving understanding people for this life experience.

(hugs)

Carla
lovelos
lovelos
You are right your husband would want you to be happy, you have no reason to feel guilty. Just don`t be suprised if the sadness creeps back some days and you become emotional again, it is all part of this journey. Sending you hugs, Lu Ann
deleted_user
deleted_user
Judy your words could have come out of my mouth, and I think have in the past. Your attitude is awesome!!!!!

And yes, you may stmble from time to time, (I dtill do many times) but as long as you keep getting back up, you will go through this, and yes it will HONOR that man and the love you shared!

(((((HUGS))))) diane
Judymc04
Judymc04
I'm anticipating many "grief bursts" and will deal with it since I know there's no getting around it and it's needed for getting through this. As morbid as it sounds, I look around me and a couple of my friends have lost children and I consider myself lucky for never having had to go through anything like that. As hard as it is, losing a spouse is the cycle of life and we knew one of us would be left alone. Since there was 12 years difference in our ages, we both figured he would go first but not so soon. He was a VERY young 71 year old.
yspyg45 - How sad he died on CHristmas Eve. How did you ever get through it? I'm already dreading the holidays, I can only imagine how you feel. God bless you.
Hugs to all that responded. I was really feeling guilty that I'm having some good days.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We were very fortunate. We knew about 3 weeks before how short the time was. We celebrated our 18th Anniversary together on December 15th...moved Christmas up with our children and grandchildren to December 20th (although we are Buddhist...our oldest and his family are Christian) Still...we had time for closure...and I think it made everything a little easier for all of us.

Carla
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yesterday made 8 weeks since Frances died. I think I'm doing quite well in coping because of the deep conversations that we had about everything. I still get hit by sad waves sometimes and just roll with them. I have a few friends who know the score, so to speak, and can vent or rant or just freak out if I have to. It's been quite the education and experience!
kynessie
kynessie
I'm sorry for your loss, but it sounds like your working hard to get in a good place.

Today is six months for me. I had no idea I would feel this way. I'm not good with dates, but as soon as I woke up this morning I realized that it had been six months. I'm not doing well today, but better than I was six months ago today. He died at 6pm Eastern time. How ironic that I'm doing the closing on my refinance today at 6pm Eastern time. I think he would be so proud. He'd been wanting me to do that for some time, but taking care of him had consumed most of my energy. I guess I will continue to talk here and to another widow friend because everyone keeps telling me how good I'm doing.

Nessie from KY
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is such a blessing that I found this site. My husband, Bill, died on June 24 and I have cried every day. The missing him seems at times to be suffocating. He suffered from Cancer of an Unknown Primary for 7 months. For four of the seven months he had a quality of life. I know he is no longer suffering and for that I thank God. However, I miss him so much and feel as though I am an empty shell. I pray each day for strength and pray that God directs me toward His plan for me. Bill would not like for me to give up. I need to devote my life to his honor and live in a way that he would like for me to live - enjoy our wonderful grandchildren, friends, etc. May God Bless you all!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband died almost 6 months ago, I tell myself all the time to make him proud and most times I think I do. Keep the atitude you have but remember if you have a "grief burst" it is also ok. This is a roller coaster of a ride.Hugs Denise
Judymc04
Judymc04
Today has been one of those "grief bursts". I thought I was doing so well, then wham! But, like everyone else on this site, I will get through it by the grace of God.
CarolinaDi
CarolinaDi
Thank you so much for sharing....so many people here have helped me so much already. It is 3 weeks and 2 days for me...I am in a fog, and cry all the time..I'm waiting for a sign from him to know everything will be OK, but I just don't feel it. That makes me sad...I have a ache in my gut, that won't go away. I sometimes feel I just can't go on without him..In my 63 years I have felt grief, but nothing prepared me for this..There are times when I think, "OK, I can do this" Then the next minute I have a melt down and cannot get control of myself..Thank you again for your sharing with us....
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
That's the thing, Judy - I think when we have our days of strength, of positive-ness, it's real - and it shores us up emotionally for the down swings. Both come, and both are real. I'm an advocate of the "take it one day at a time".
Judymc04
Judymc04
Oh Carolina, I so understand what you're feeling. There are days I'm still in a fog. Nothing can prepare you for what we're going through. I've told my friend so often that I'd see Bill laying on the couch and knew he was suffering and thought to myself "ok, if something does happen, I can make it. I don't mind being by myself and I'm strong". Then it would be replaced with "nothing's going to happen, we just need time to recover. There are times that I have plans and just cancel at the last minute because I just can't be around anyone.
My journey has been 9 weeks, but there are times it seems like only yesterday. I've joined a support group and start setting weekly goals for myself. ..like going to the gym at least 3 times a week, cooking at least one meal, etc. Some days I just want to go back to bed and pull the cover over my head but I know he would not want that for me. I do have a job too which forces me to get out. The nice thing is they're so understanding and on the really bad days if I can't make it in, they understand and still pay me.
God bless you.