Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

2 months

myloveforever
myloveforever
Hello My Friends.
Today marks the 2 months since my girl passed. I'm sitting here at the bar looking at the collage my nieces made for me for the wake. It's a beautiful remembrance of our life together. However I don't want to talk about that tonight. In the past two months I've had to learn how to cook, how to clean, how to shop, and how to do laundry. I've always been good at making hot dogs and eggs. Did you know you can't live on that? My sister-in-law walked me through making a meatloaf, it was horrible. I hope she doesn't find this site. I gave some to my dog and she gave me a dirty look!!! We have a king sized bed-- changing the sheets is such a pain in the ass, I'd rather go through basic training than do that. Then we get to laundry. My girl had major back surgery in 2014 so we bought a new washer and dryer on a pedestal so she didn't have to bend so much. They have more dials on them then a NASA Capsule. What I'm saying is that I LOVED my girl more than my life, but until now, I didn't appreciate what she did. What a lucky man I was!!
Joe
lifeisunreal
lifeisunreal
Hi Joe -

Just over 5 months for me. I truly didn't understand all
of the things my wife took care of without saying a word
to me.

I had to call the manufacturer of the damned washing
machine as all of the computer crap had me doing all
sorts of things. I couldn't figure out the new vacuum
cleaner and a neighbor showed me how to use it. I
lived on sandwiches for the first three months. I have
had to learn everything from scratch for 5 months.

I feel the same way. I had no idea what a lucky man I
was to have her by my side for 30+ years. I am so
lost without her.






ander until
nana012
nana012
That is a really sweet thing to say, both of you. Your wives know how much you appreciated them. Before my husband died, we pretty much did everything as a team. I had health issues which made it hard to be consistent, and he took up the slack. I know it bothered him, but just before he went to the hospital he told me that he finally understood what it was like to be sick. If I needed to lay down, he would never complain again, and he was so sorry. It is the flip side of the coin, but meant so much to me. I was really sick, but people had a hard time understanding it. My husband did, and that's all I cared about.
carrie415
carrie415
Aw Joe,,,how sweet to see your appreciation of your love. I also couldn't figure out the leaf blower, special bulbs go in different light fixtures, screwdrivers (flat and something with edges it's called something), So many things I had to learn and did not appreciate all he did,,,but I do nowhang in there and keep us posted...
rebl3157
rebl3157
I had to learn to put gas in my car,cut the grass, and cook again. He loved cooking and took over when he could. I also had to learn to go places by myself and be aware of my surroundings. I would get lost in Wal-Mart and he always showed me the front of the store. My son bought me a GPS (I'm directionally challenged)
scottito
scottito
Oh Joe, don't even get me started. I too entered widowerdom totally unprepared for the domestic realities that my wife worked her ass off -- had no clue how much there is to do and it has been a very slow and painful process to learn. In nearly 9 months I have yet to cook myself a meal (except for a couple of family barbeques this past summer). And yes, you can survive quit nicely eating out all the time. I prefer restaurant sit downs now just for the company of the workers. It is all rather humorous when you are like me and really don't have a clue. So write about it -- tell us about your "adventures", that's what I did -- and some of the fine ladies gave me really good advice, and others started calling me a domestic goddess. So look for the humor Joe -- I see it is wanting to come out of you -- an you'll find laughter to be a good thing for your healing. Anyway, I hear what you are saying brother -- and I can so relate to it all. ~~ Scottie
staygolden3
staygolden3
Hey Joe....I love how you took this difficult 2 month mark and decided to turn the mood around to a lighter note! You're showing your appreciation for your love with a side of humor and I very much applaud that! This is a horrible road we've all been cast upon but always try to see the light through the darkness. Even if it's just a little glimmer Joe. This advise has served me very well on this journey. I know you have the ability to do that in you....I can just tell...
Yes you were a lucky man, but she was also a lucky woman too!
She's always with you in your heart!
Big hugs!
Darcie
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
Joe, Trust me, we all are learning how much our soulmates did/said, and were to us. I know, that I still love my sean, but unfortunately he cant take out the trash, or open those stupid, harder than crap bottles you cant open, so I just have to try to figure out a way to do it all on my own. It will be one year on march 1st, and it feels like just yesterday but years since he passed, if you understand what I'm trying to say. I know your girl, would be so proud off you for learning all of these first, she is cheering you on.. much love and big hugs carla
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Yah know, we women know what you mean too. There are so many things my husband took care of. I was very afraid what would break next. He took care of all the outside work. Imagine my surprise how hard it was to start the lawn mower. We won't go into a snow blower! Half the team is missing and the half left is lost. Thanks for my children or I don't know how I would have survived. Sharon
ptorres
ptorres
Joe, after nearly one year out I am still amazed of all she did for us. When I say us I mean me and my two large dogs and our cat. She managed the house ran her own business as well as took care of the finances and never complained. She was Super Girl. I took care of the outside and vehicles but she would still change the oil in her Harley and grab a wrench if I needed help.
Now that I have to fend for myself I have so much appreciation of how she cared for us. It can be overwhelming at times but now that we is just me I stay busy doing the everyday things she did and I will never again take for granted the things people do for me. Like the saying goes "You don't know what you got till it's gone" well I actually knew what I had I just did't know how hard being a domestic goddess could be. Peace ~Pete
deleted_user
deleted_user
The first time I put gas in my car, I cried.
The first time I cooked in the wok, I cried.
The first time I had to have the oil changed in my car, I cried.
The first time I had to water the plants, I cried.
The first time I had to fill out a tax form, I cried.
The first time I had to call the plumber, I cried.
The first time I had to call the insurance guy, the tax guy, the tenant and the realtor, I cried.

To now be a single woman changed so much of my identity, my life since I was 18 years old. I didn't know who this person was. I was NEVER a single woman, I was part of a Mr. & Mrs.......not anymore!!!!!

Roz
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