Everything you said applies to me except I am retired. This second year has been my biggest challenge. Now I have started wondering how I will make it through the holidays. I went through in the fog last year, but this is so real. Wishing you much peace.

So sorry you are having such a rough time of it. I believe it has to get better, otherwise what is the point? Hugs Patti

My husband passed 19 months ago. First year, I just put one foot in front of the other, attended support group(s) and I was so totally numb and heartbroken, cried every day. No family here and just had the support and friendship of girlfriends. I have met many new people through the support group and we meet for lunch or see a movie, etc. Now reality has set in and just try and take it all a day at a time. My life has changed but am trying hard to make the best of it. My husband was always so positive about life and people so I will try to honor that wonderful aspect in my life. Still trying to figure it all out as I move forward.

I am scared. 32 months here. Reality sets in. Almost 3 years, and I really don't know where my life is heading. Here I sit, same things, same places. I think I need to hit defrag, and re start my self. But as I look into the mirror, I have aged so much in the last 3 years. So fast. Try to change my look. It slowly goes back to the before phase. At 66, I should have myself together, but I don't. Don't think there is any hope for me... sigh..........Sandee

Gail

After reading your post I felt as if I wrote it. It has been 17months for me and even though a lot has transpired during those times, and I feel so blessed for what I have, and like you said, reality of he's not coming back that makes you feel so empty .....

Take care JoAnn

Just saw this post this morning when I joined the group. I can so relate to what you are saying. Its been 14 months since I lost my husband and I am trying to understand why I am having such a difficult time moving forward. Just feel that the first anniversary of his death made me realize that this is my new reality and nothing will ever be the same again. I think of him every minute of the day. Still cry at the memories and feel that I am now moving into depression mode. How do others figure out their new life?

I am at 15 months. I call us the 'silent grievers'. We look like we are doing ok to those around us as we function on a day to day basis. But our internal world is still filled with pain and sorrow and sadness. The only answer I have is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, to be thankful for the easier days, just survive the tough ones and be kind to myself. Being kind to me at the moment means accepting that I am not going to get much done apart from going to work and the absolute necessities at home as I just don't have the energy or inclination, but I am that this phase too will soon evolve into what I don't know, but I jut keep on keeping on as I can't see any other answer. Love, hope and better days wished for all of us.

Gail...I too fell apart after the first year and I do not want to scare anyone but for many of us I think that is what happens. n my personal journey I didn't think twice about grief...support or anything the first year...I worked feverishly ..harder that anytime in my life ...and today as I look back at that time I think I was working so hard so fast as to keep everything the same minus my husbands physical presense....so it would be the 2nd year that I confronted my loss...my feelings and thankfully crawled in here. As I approach the 3rd anniversary of my husbands death I am in another place....a better place emotionally yet with a new slew of emotions...the biggest being guilt I guess for going on to live a happy meaningful life. Maybe its not so much the exact time that passes but how we are handling our loss that matters One thing I learned about myself is I can hold a lot inside ..is that a good thing .. a bad thing...only I really know so I do a little trick in my head and it goes like this...how long have I been feeling like this..and why am I thinking of this now. I surprised myself many times that I could answer that. 99% of the feeling like this now the answer was for awhile...the why now was rough...then FOR ME...it became many times the answer was because I needed to FINALLY let it go. Like I was taking an old box and going through it and cleaning it out. Over and over I hear the words ...you cant take it with you....that always applies to material things... but I am also learning to apply that logic to my personal mind crap.....I am guided by my strong tower...sending you a giant hug!!!

Gail: Kim is right, it is not the time that matters but how we handle our grief that changes. For most of my first year I was in flat out denial, keep my head down, be good and somehow, someway, I will get my husband back denial. The end of the first and beginning of second, I would call my realization stage, the aw dang, this ain't going away, what do I do now, when I don't really want to do anything? I am now going on year five and I am happy with my new life and myself. How did I get there? Luck I suppose, time and being "selfish". I made me a big priority, I made a conscious decision to let go of the grief and try new things, try to be happy. It did not come easy, it was very hard. I was so terrified of losing my J.R. and my memories of him. But I did things for myself, because I wanted to try new things, meet new people and genuinely enjoy my time left on this earth. I pushed the grief out of the forefront and into the background. But understand, we need to grieve as much as we need to move on. It is just such a tricky business.

Hugs to you,
Val

At 8 years I still remember the pain of loss, but it doesn't hurt like before. I guess they call it acceptance. I remember not wanting to accept, but I had no choice. I have a full rich life and I have sweet memories of my dating, marriage and raising children with Don. I remember our plans, some accomplished and some lost.
I must agree the first year was lost, couldn't do much but cry. Year 2 was reality time and did I ever fight that truth. I was terrified of the future, sure I would never find happiness again. It is the hardest thing I ever dealt with. But I survived. It's not a linear trip, but a series of ups and downs. Rest on the down time and draw strength for the climb back up. With each climb we draw strength and am able to remain up for longer periods. Keep the faith and know that you will achieve success. Sharon