Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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alwaysafraid61 05/29/2014

Its been 18mos since I lost my dear husband of 30yrs to cancer & the last 6mos or so Ive been doing pretty good, I'm finally to the point now where I can think about him & our time together & actually smile instead of crying, but for some reason these last 2 weeks I've been in a major funk, crying off & on, feeling sorry for myself & very lonely & I'm not sure what brought this on except maybe a conversation I had with our daughter a few weeks ago where she ask me if I thought I would ever get married again & I my first gut reaction was NO! but then I started thinking about it & geez I'm only 52, do I want to be alone for the rest of my life? and then that's when the sadness hits me because in my mind I don't see myself ever being able to love someone as much as I loved my husband & then I start feeling angry at him again for leaving me, I thought I was over a lot of these feelings but here they are creeping back in again, is this normal? please some advice, I hate feeling like this!!

Thanks for listening.......Kim

gerald222 05/29/2014

I am at 17 months and the answer to your question are you normal is 100% yes. Like you I felt I was making progress over the last number of months(Meaning the pain less intense and the grief waves further apart). I to had a spell earlier this week where the despair(that is what I call it) snuck back into my life and it took me several days to work through it. As for dating, remarriage etc the best advice I got from a grief counsellor was work through each 24 hours and dont worry about the future because it is to overwhelming. I apply that in all aspects of my life. I to am only 51 but the way I look at it nothing can be more painful than what I have already traveled through with the loss of my soulmate. Kim I will say it again yes you are normal and still grieving it just redefines itself in different ways as we move further through the journey. Wishing you peace. Gerald

Shrn 05/29/2014

Yes, it is normal for these setbacks. The time in between does lengthen, but we learn to deal with it better when it hits. I have found as special dates get near I would have down days and not realize why. June will be 7 years he's gone and it's constantly in the back of my mind. My temper is on edge and it won't take much to get me to cry. Used to be I would be showing the signs, but I believe I am handling it better.

Part of keeping the memories is the sad ones are there too. It's worth a bad day to know how fortunate I was to have this wonderful man in my life. Sharon

BandiBlue 05/29/2014

I keep re-reading the last sentence in the previous post written by Sharon. I have never looked at it that way.

Like Kim and Gerald, I've been thrown into despair the last few days. The loneliness just seems so profound right now.

It's almost 9 months since Sam passed away. I sincerely appreciate the messages shared by those of you who are a bit ahead of me on this journey, and I gain strength from your insight.

Thanks again . . . for the original post and also for the responses!

BandiBlue 05/29/2014

CORRECTION: Although I haven't looked at bad days the way Sharon expressed it . . . I certainly will do so now! They ARE worth it to have had such wonderful people in our lives.

greyhounder 05/29/2014

It has been 5 months for me and I have been doing alright. This last week it hit me again and I didn't want to get out of bed. I made myself get up and go visit my brother(1 1/2 hours away) and get out of the house.

MJ46 05/29/2014

I am at 16 months and have also been having some bad days lately. I have been throwing a pity party about how far my kids and grand kids live and how seldom I see them. I am accepting this setback like others I have had as part of the program. Overall I am so much better than I was at this time last year, I am having some very sad days but I have faith that they will pass like all the others.

nowjustme 05/30/2014

This too shall pass. I cried for over 2 yrs, its finally slowing down now. Its all normal. Just take it day by day, it will get easier, it just takes time. No sense in being angry, he didn't ask to leave or even want to. One day it will all be clear to us, just not now.

Hugs, JoAnn

sassiesoftail 05/30/2014

I also have had a really bad couple of weeks. It started with trying to getting the camper ready for Memeorial Weekend and realizing that I was not ready to do it alone and had to cancel my plans. Another first, I have come to hate firsts. At the same time My youngest son and his family moved out. It is a good thing for all of us but then again another first. Sometimes there are way to many changes.

Hugs, Sandi

jewells1 05/30/2014

I am at 25 months, and this week has been rough. There are a lot of factors but depression that I have to do this on my own, scale back to what I can handle...ask for help when help was always there before.
Missing him because together all these changes would have been a challenge we would have laughed and danced our way through...
It's normal.

jewells1 05/30/2014

Ps. The flip side is I can do somethings that I never thought I could.

jemf 05/30/2014

I am at 16 mos. also and am in a funk. Generally I have been handling things fairly well under the circumstance; but in this case a series of household "problems" (basement flooding, A/C breaking down, large tree falling in the yard) along with the everyday responsibilities, and working full time just overwhelmed me. I am letting myself wallow in my sadness-don't always feel like I should reprimand myself for my feelings! I know I will rebound and continue to carry on.

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