Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Lois11 04/08/2013

Hello ladies.. Haven't been here for awhile.. so many things big things happening in my life.. I found this year the second anniversary the hardest.. March 12th was two years since my Ken passed.. I found from the 1st of March till the 12 the hardest remembering how he went from a healthy working man to passing away and the pain he had been in..Septis is a horrible thing.
I also gifted my car to my Granddaughter.. It was Ken's pride and joy so was she and I know he would have been happy I did this.. She has graduated on the Dean's list as a PSW. and working two jobs working 16 hour days and has two wee ones at home.. One will be 3 tomorrow and the oldest will be 5 in June.. I put our house of 30 years on the market and it sold in 2 weeks closing April 2 so many huge changes.. No more debt and no more worries are nice..
I truly and sincerely hope that everyone is hanging in there and doing okay.
Your friend always
Lois

penntehe63 04/08/2013

Lois, I can relate to your Post about the second year being "the hardest". This July 16th will be the 2-year mark for my widowhood. The first year seemed much easier to handle. I was able to do all the work that needed to be done, even though my sons offered to help in any way, I preferred to do everything myself and felt proud of myself.
It sounds like you're managing well, selling your house so quickly, and getting on with life. Good for you! Hopefully, I'll get to that same sense of satisfaction one of these days, too.
Blessings to you,
Nancy

nowjustme 04/09/2013

I have to agree with both of you. This second year has been harder. I think I stayed numb for so long its finally sinking in. It will be 2 years Sept 11th for me. I hate it any way you look at it, its just plain stinks!
I would give anything to have a do-over. I can't see any good coming in the future, I still feel so lost without him.

Shrn 04/09/2013

I think by the second year you totally realize how much else changes too, all the things we depend on them for are also lost. I will admit though, since I've been here at DS there are people who feel better after the firsts are lived through. It isn't a prediction of the future for all, just what can happen as we walk this path. We all need to get through the emotions our own way. Sharon

cliffskat 04/10/2013

The first year there were the usual "firsts" - first Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Birthdays, etc. - without my husband. The second year, there were still a lot of firsts, but they were a different kind. Same deal with the third year. The first time buying a car without him for instance. The first appliance repair I had to handle on my own. And so on.

And after the first year, everybody thinks you're supposed to be "over" it. The reality is that it takes between 2 and 4 years to reach acceptance (on average). And yes, acceptance means different thinbgs to different people, but basically to be more at peace with what has happened and not have your grief/sorrow act as a hindrance to living your own life.

It sounds like you have been doing very positive, constructive things, and that is wonderful!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

rosyfern 04/10/2013

Thanks for this post. I am at 2 1/2 years, and I am wondering why it is still so hard. Waiting for acceptance I guess. Life is good. I can do most businessy thing just fine. Heart still broken into little pieces that nag at me. Thank goodness for this site. Folks who understand are a godsend. Sun is out. Weather is warming. Flowers are budding. Butterflies are here in NC.

Nicker07 04/10/2013

I think the firsts are those things without them for the first time.

Than as you plug along you find life comes at you = broken water pipes, roof needs fixing, car broke down ya know life starts and you are dealing alone with them....AND because you are more out of that fog they are clear at least that's how I felt about it....

Now soon 3 yrs I do not hate being alone but I hate that it will be so many years before I possibly go - it lonesome time that makes it hardest....SIGH

deleted_user 04/10/2013

I'm still in the middle of the "firsts"... at not quite six months. I sure hope some things get a little easier after that year is over. However I know that the empty hole in my heart will never go away. I know that I will always miss him.

Still, I managed to do the taxes for the first time. And I'm planning a trip without his help/input. I just hate to do some of those things, but must, as he would want me to do.

And I too, am gifting his SUV, to my granddaughter who is a college student...

Onward

deleted_user 04/10/2013

I vaguely remember that first year..first anniversary, my birthday, Christmas... without him. And yes the second was even harder because now the reality hit home hard. I still cannot deal with seeing couples out together, shopping, dining, walking hand in hand. It's been 7 years. Now May 5th is coming the day I lost him. I dreading that day still and remember it vividly. But I am finding peace a little at a time and so will you. Eventually, I will meet someone again. I do not like being alone.

I am glad things are going well for you. Keep moving forward, you are doing a great job. Ii always believe that they are with us, watching over us. It's a comfort.

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