Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Yes I am only a little over two months on this path of being a Widow instead of a Mrs. And yes my roller coaster life has made some changes.
The first few weeks I think I was numb, cried all the time but my mind could only think disbelief of Ray not being here.
Now maybe it's because it's spring and I am outside most all day or maybe it's the passing of time, though short. I find myself crying less and thinking more. Memories flood my thoughts, what we would be doing at that moment if he was still here. Cut the grass for the first time yesterday and it was a job we did together for 20 yrs. He cut the grass and I trimmed..Simple job yet such sorrow it brough to me.
I slept well until recently, now I lay in bed and think of life past, finially fall asleep only to wake and start thinking about the day. Thinking what "we" would be planning for that day and then force myself to think what "I" need to do for that day.
Days are sad, long and lonely and I hope the next phase I work into being a widow is easier. I dred each new day as I lay in bed, thank God the dogs force me to get up, don't know if I would without them pestering me to go outside. Night comes and I am glad another day is over.
LIfe is such a gift, God took our loved ones. Don't understand why he makes living without them so hard..
The first few weeks I think I was numb, cried all the time but my mind could only think disbelief of Ray not being here.
Now maybe it's because it's spring and I am outside most all day or maybe it's the passing of time, though short. I find myself crying less and thinking more. Memories flood my thoughts, what we would be doing at that moment if he was still here. Cut the grass for the first time yesterday and it was a job we did together for 20 yrs. He cut the grass and I trimmed..Simple job yet such sorrow it brough to me.
I slept well until recently, now I lay in bed and think of life past, finially fall asleep only to wake and start thinking about the day. Thinking what "we" would be planning for that day and then force myself to think what "I" need to do for that day.
Days are sad, long and lonely and I hope the next phase I work into being a widow is easier. I dred each new day as I lay in bed, thank God the dogs force me to get up, don't know if I would without them pestering me to go outside. Night comes and I am glad another day is over.
LIfe is such a gift, God took our loved ones. Don't understand why he makes living without them so hard..
Plus, I need to learn to maintain mowers and stuff. It is going to take me some time. I can't weed eat, but I can mow if I can get it going. Between the inside stuff, work and outside stuff it seems overwhelming to me. I need to get faster and get some motivation!
With Ray and I it was different, He wasn't handy at all, in fact most stuff around here was done by me. I always complained I had to much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Now I have all day every day and wish I could go back to just a few months ago and appreciate MY LACK OF TIME more. And for weed eating/trimming, I have one of those push type weed eaters, makes the job a lot easier.
Ray always told me one of the things he loved about me was that I was so capable..He hated yard chores and I always kidded him, said we needed to buy one of those condos on Lake of the Ozarks, he could have a slip for his boat and I would board my horse at a stable..
I don't work full time, part of maybe why I am so sad, home alone with my thoughts each day..I really can't get away from them. My motivation is if I sit I'd think more, at least when I work I can get my mind busy. Then all of a sudden missing Ray hits me and I cry..
Kat
Hugs to you Ramar.