Dreams like that are often your brains way of accepting the situation...many of us have had dreams where no matter how hard we try, we cannot reach them, or they have left us for someone, but really it's just to help us accept that they have left...
Knowing that doesn't help the frustration we feel when we wake...
Gentle hugs
Jewells

I had that kind of dream, too. Terrible, upsetting dreams that I would wake up from sobbing. I dreamt Cliff was leaving me for another woman. I dreamt that he didn't love me and laughed at my pain. I had terrible dreams trying to wrap my head around him being gone. When I wasn't dreaming those, I was reliving his death day. It got to the point where I didn't want to sleep. It was literally months before I had a good dream about him.

It's a very common occurrence. It is so horrible, but it is very common. It had nothing to do with the quality of your marriage, and it has nothing to do with his feelings for you. It is just the subconscious wrestling with that which is incomprensible and trying to make sense of it all.

If you have love letters or anything like that from your hubby, go back and re-read them. Or if you are okay with it, look at photos of happier times. You can also try writing him a letter about the dream, telling him you know that is not the way it was and ask him to give you a good dream instead. Sometimes these things work, sometimes they don't.

I am sorry you have them, too. It is an awful phase of all of this, but it will pass. Hang in there.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Oh those hideous dreams! I couldn't reach him no matter how hard I tried. He was hurt and I couldn't find him. He was alone and miserable but wouldn't let me near. He had left me for a new life and no longer loved me. They hurt so..but jewells and Martha are right. It's the subconscious trying to deal with the unfathomable. My husband died suddenly, no warning so I think that contributed to the subconscious whiplash. I have a healthy husband, wait he is gone, what happened!
I have some beautiful poems, letters and little notes he left me. Those helped me calm down after those horrible dreams. They do fade with time. Eventually mine changed to he would come back tell me how much he loved me but he couldn't stay. They are bitter sweet but not painful.
Hugs,
Val

I totally agree with cliffskat - I was also having terrible dreams in which my husband is helping everyone but me and is flirting and just being nice to everyone and totally ignoring me. I even started to doubt his love for me (40 years married with four sons) and whether he was faithful to me during that time. But I believe like cliffskat said that it is our unconscious wrestling with what we are going through. The first dream I had after my husband was killed was where he was in his 30's and came up to me and hugged me and said "I never got a chance to say good-bye" I could feel his arms around me and it felt so good but also so sad that I had to wake up. I pray to have those dreams again. One good thing is this website-I really thought I was going crazy until sharing on here with people going thru the same thing. My best to you and keep sharing.
Mary

Include me too . . . the awful dreams of Jim dissing me for another. Made me question his fidelity early on . . until I realized it was simply my brain processing the loss and finding an "excuse" for said loss.

Dreams of him are quite random and don't come often at ten months now. However, I do go to sleep thinking about him and wake every morning thinking about him. This I have to wonder . . . "when will it end"?

I'm tired of re-living the past and am striving to move forward; yet my brain still hasn't wrapped it's little mind around "reality" today. Every chance it gets, the mind invades my pockets of peace I've worked so hard to create.

Sigh. No easy answers . . . relax and let life flow. xo, Dayna

Like the others have said, dreams are just a part of the way our minds process our loss. Unfortunately they cause us to think all sorts of painful things when we wake up. As hard as it sounds, you can't let yourself take them too seriously. After all, they're dreams, not reality. I've had dreams like this on several occasions. Painful and so very real. I've found that I look past the big picture in those dreams and instead look for the little details, her eyes, her hair, the way she carried herself, those little things that were a part of what attracted me to her. As odd as it might sound, I find myself looking forward to dreams with her in them just to have the chance to see her and to notice all those small but comforting details.
Peace and ((hugs))
John

I'm so glad you posted about this topic. I recently had one of those dreams, where my husband said he was leaving me, and then there was another woman. I woke up very disturbed, and cried. It was the second time I've had this dream. It caught me off guard, because this is so out of character for my husband. He was a loving and devoted husband. I brought up my dream in my hospice bereavement group, and of course everyone agreed it was my subconscious dealing with my feelings of my Larry leaving me. However, no one else in the group has had this type of dream. Once again, my DS friends have given me confirmation that everything I am experiencing on my grief journey is normal and part of the process. Wishing you all peace and happier visits from our loved ones while we sleep.
Aloha ~
Lori

Suggestions? Yes. Write them down, the next day. It helps clarify stuff. I've had some doozies, including the divorce one. Along with ones that terrified me, comforted me, and confused me. You all aren't alone in this. Hugs, Marsha