Hi Ray,
Its been just over 2 yrs for me, I had my 3rd Christmas this year and it still stinks! It's not to bad till I'm alone. I don't know when it will ever get less painful. We all need to move on but then.........where do we move on to? It's a new world now, it doesn't work like it used to.

Wishing all of us a better New Year!

Ray, 13 months today. Like you, Christmas Eve and Christmas hit much harder this year. I think the permanence of my loss has hit, and it feels lousy. However, I am looking forward to the turn of the year to 2014 so I can't say "Last year on this date we were doing this..."

I know it's only psychological, but hey--I'll grab at anything that I think might help.

Stay strong.

This is my 5th year without my husband, and I will say that Christmas is not "merry" - but it is not as painful as those first ones. We were married 50 years, so I spent most of my Christmases with him. Some were happier than others, of course, but I'm thankful we had all those years together. We have a son & daughter & 4 grands.

I don't use the term "moving on" but rather "acceptance" of life as it is now. Today is the first day of the rest of my life -- I am 75, much older than most DSers. My son divorced & he & his teenage dtr. have lived with me for 1 1/2 yrs. Lots of adjusting for me - but it's probably good for me to have them here. Sometimes I remind him that this is MY house etc. etc. But overall, it is a good relationship and we get along.

I thank God each day for my blessings and truly know that many widows have very tough situations in addition to their sadness. Sometimes volunteering a day or 2 a week can help take our minds off our problems a few hrs. Ray, I hope you find peace in your heart during 2014. Remember that life will never be the same, but with God's help it can be better than that first terrible year of loss.
Hugs to you - Doye

Hello, Ray,
Someone here on DS said that the expression "moving forward" is better than "moving on" and I agree. "Moving on" suggests that we're leaving something behind, and I know I will never leave behind any thoughts of Sam. "Moving forward" suggests taking all my good memories with me as I face the future ... and that's a lot more accurate for my state of mind. Thinking this way has helped me. Maybe it will help you, too.

My heart goes out to you Ray. When you aren't here, I hope you are surrounded by lots of support. I agree with you, it totally sucks. I hate the turn my life has taken and although I am calmer and more focused at 6 months, I just utterly detest it.
Hang in there. Take good care and be kind and patient with yourself. Wishing you comfort and peace.

I am over 14 months. Last Christmas I was still in the widow fog. This year I was very quiet also. Realization of everything settled in. All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other!! One day at a time. God Bless

Ray,

"Moving on" is not an easy task for any of us, and like BandiBlue said, "moving forward" is probably a better term.

At 14 months, most people are not ready to move ahead ~ yet. Now, there are a few who have done so and seem happy about it. Then, there are some I have known who "jumped" ahead into another relationship quickly ~~ and later regretted it.

So, its like I always say ~~ we all grieve just a little differently, but, also so much alike. Take your time to "adjust" and don't worry about moving forward. Just take things as they happen and you will feel better about everything.

Hope you have a Blessed New Year!

Hugs, Joely

Hi Ray...It has been 5 months since I lost my husband to cardiac arrest, he had just turned 59. Christmas was much harder than I expected, I have in-law issues that split the family apart this year. I am a pretty upbeat person, loves life, and an very energetic, but this is definitely taking a toll on me. We were married 37 years, but were together 5 years before that. I was only 14 when we met, he was 17. We did everything together, he retired 8 years ago, so I left my job to be with him. We have two children, one still lives at home. I hope to sell my house here, that we have lived in for nearly 30 years, and move closer to where my son lives an hour away. I have one grandson who is 6, so I will be able to help with his childcare. I am looking for a new start, a cleansing by moving. Truly there is no one or nothing keeping me here where I live. I am looking forward to something fresh, a new community where I can meet new people. Take good care....Patricia

Ray its been almost a year for me. My dgt who is 20 and myself say frequently how it sucks bigtime because it does. For me the pain has lessened over the last year but there are flashbacks off and on that are very intense. I think I have just learned to manage them better in part from what my DS family has taught me. I also have learned everyone's timeframe on this journey is different. Wishing you peace as you continue on. Gerald