Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 03/18/2013

So I went into the bank to deposit my husband's commission check. He's been gone for 3 years now, but every now and then I get a small check. It's always the same thing--teller looks blankly at me before saying that since my name is not on the check I can't deposit it. This inspite of the fact that I have an account there, a death certificate and my drivers license.

I usually end up going to another branch and it's deposited without problems.

Today, however, was interesting. I was prepared for the usual--you-can't-deposit-it, but the teller decided to ask something so entirely stupid I had to comment. Here's how it went:

Me: My husband passed away and I have two checks to deposit that are in his name. I'm his wife, here's his death certificate, and my drivers license.

Teller: Does he have an account here?

Me, thinking I heard wrong: Yes, there's my account number on the deposit slip.

Teller: No. He has to have an account here in order to deposit this check.

Me: (looking at her as if her name was Bambi and she was a character out of Happy Days). I'm sorry, but he can't get an account here anymore because he is dead.

She looked at me, obviously mulling it over. I could practically see the wheels turning in her challenged brain. Looked like she was solving one of those complicated puzzles in a computer game. Finally, she said. "Oh. Well I'll deposit it in your account, but it may not clear."

Incredible. I blame the training and thankfully the fact that we widows aren't as prevalent as the divorcees.

marjoe 03/18/2013

Oh, dear G-d. Lol. Are we all on the same planet, or what? I think I forged Joe's name a couple of times on checks that came in afterwards. No, I know I did.

deleted_user 03/18/2013

There is nothing I can think of of to say ... I am speechless! All I can do is sigh and shake my head. Good for you for being blunt with her! ... so many people are so very clueless!

NewRoadsForMe 03/18/2013

Yes, I signed my husband's name on a few documents, including checks, after he died. My attorney years ago told me that it is not illegal to do so unless the person you are signing for objects. Duh.....

I agree that the bank needs to train its employees how to handle widow's situations. You are definitely not the first one to come in with your particular situation.

Something like this would make me definitely rethink which bank I wanted to bank with. So sorry this happened. You're already under such stress, this was just not right!

sandeestttn 03/18/2013

Thank you... I needed that laugh......my husband got a letter saying they closed his account, as there was no money deposited last month. Isn't that quick?....do checking accounts have life insurance policies attached to them?....I haven't gotten his death cert yet, and I was gonna go close it out.......hmmmmm..... 5 weeks....something doesn't sound right...

Shrn 03/18/2013

That was good handling of the situation. I went through similiar circumstances and they had to call out the bank manager to deposit it. Sharon

deleted_user 03/19/2013

I always find it hysterical that I couldn't DEPOSIT his check into our JOINT ACCOUNT, but he was allowed to CLEAN OUT 3 separate savings accounts with mine and my sons' names only on them. It just goes to show you it's a man's world and we simply breath in it. I didn't make these rules; but knowing the rules can help you play by them and sometimes you can win if you just play nice.

Sign his name- I'm sure that's what he'd want you to do. =o)

cleodoggie 03/19/2013

I had this happen with my tax return check the first year after Jim died. The teller told me to send the check back.....are you kidding? I stood in the crowded bank lobby and slowly raised my voice saying I have been with this bank for years why can't you cash this. You know he's dead you have all the paperwork. Finally after much yelling I got my way. They just wanted me out of there. The manager leaned over to the teller and said....cash the check. One victory for a widow!!!!!!!

silverfoxwife 03/19/2013

I over paid on a bill to a closed telephone account and got a refund check back for under $10.00 in my husband's name. They would not let me cash it. I still keep a joint account open with minimum amount for cases like this just to deposit checks with his name on it.

obtain 03/19/2013

Your post will help me. I haven't dealt with bank accounts or anything like that so I will be prepared. Thanks Brenda

deleted_user 03/19/2013

I left my checking account as it was--with both of our names on it--haven't had any problem depositing anything except the first state tax refund check we got--they normally require both signatures--I had to explain in some detail that he was dead and could not sign the check--they finally deposited it to get rid of me--haven't had a problem with any other checks. Sometimes the little hamster in their head is just too weak to turn the wheels.

deleted_user 03/19/2013

We have a joint checking account. When I went to my bank to have his name removed they suggested I leave it the way it was just so I could deposit any checks in his name. The people in my bank have been most helpful.

sandeestttn 03/19/2013

ok.... So it has been 5 weeks, still haven't received the Death Certificate,,,,I call the funeral director, he hasn't been able to aquire it...So,I called the hospital where he ded, they said... wait, let me get his chart.....she said, there is no record of his death here.....I said, better be, we buried him a month ago.....So, they said call his dr... i called, no answer.....

WidowDad 03/20/2013

I had similar issues with the bank - I had a check to my wife's estate and the bank would not let me deposit it into our joint account. I had to create an estate account which would require legal work - at a cost probably close to the value of the check.
a week later, i deposited the check into our joint account through a bank machine. no questions ever asked again!

deleted_user 03/20/2013

omg... why does it have to be so hard?! like we don't already have enough to deal with. i am going to take my husband's name off the accounts we had and add my daughter so she will have access to my money in case i need her to take care of business for me someday. as a matter of fact, i should probably do that sometime soon. thanks for the reminder. i guess i have put it off for 18 months because i anticipate it is going to be very hard to do ... emotionally. i hate doing things that make me feel like i am just getting rid of him or something. makes me so incredibly sad....

debby

NewRoadsForMe 03/20/2013

Suzie, I had to laugh at your description of your experience! You said you had to explain in some detail that he was dead. OMG, these bank idiots that look at you, like, "Dead??, OMG, we must be VERY careful here....that woman may be trying to get something that doesn't belong to her." What part of "He's dead" don't you understand????" Sorry for your experience, Suzie.

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