Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
About four years ago my late husband and I took our grandson to the children's museum. I remember it well--the way his eyes lit up, the games he played, what we ate after we left. It was meant to be the first of many trips that we would take our grandson on. Sadly, less than a year later my husband was gone and that was it.
Today my grandson was talking about the children's museum in his new neighborhood. He was so excited, talking about everything that the place had to offer. Then I asked if he remembered going to a similar place a few years ago. Sadly, he no recollection of the place. I was shocked. He was five when we took him. It was just three years ago. But I guess for a kid it might as well be eternity. It's disturbing on so many levels because it means that he may not remember his grandfather. I find myself going back to the original question I asked nearly three years ago: Is junk food worth it? Is a big mac worth it? Our diet of these things are stealing from the next generation. My husband was the sort of man who would have taken his grandson golfing or to a baseball game. But lack of exerercise and eating what he wanted lead to an aneurysm that ended his life. It ended my mother's life too--both taken at a relatively young age.
I have a grand-daughter that was born only 5 months before he passed. She has no memories of him. So sad.
Today my grandson was talking about the children's museum in his new neighborhood. He was so excited, talking about everything that the place had to offer. Then I asked if he remembered going to a similar place a few years ago. Sadly, he no recollection of the place. I was shocked. He was five when we took him. It was just three years ago. But I guess for a kid it might as well be eternity. It's disturbing on so many levels because it means that he may not remember his grandfather. I find myself going back to the original question I asked nearly three years ago: Is junk food worth it? Is a big mac worth it? Our diet of these things are stealing from the next generation. My husband was the sort of man who would have taken his grandson golfing or to a baseball game. But lack of exerercise and eating what he wanted lead to an aneurysm that ended his life. It ended my mother's life too--both taken at a relatively young age.
I have a grand-daughter that was born only 5 months before he passed. She has no memories of him. So sad.
NewRoadsForMe
I understand the heartbreak that our little grandchildren cannot remember what happened or who they knew when they were 3 or 4 or 5. My 5 yr old grandson (whom I adore) was 3 when Grandpa died. My GS was very involved with granddad and watched his demise and death from cancer. He talks about his grandpa (mostly from memories we have talked about). We have pictures all around of Grandpa. Every now and then he will get sad and say "I don't like that Grandpa died!". So, recently when he brought it up, I said gently, "Do you remember Grandpa?" and he said sadly and softly, "no". It broke my heart, but he may not remember the actual times with his grandpa, but he knows the many stories about their times together, and when you get right down to it, I guess that's pretty good and I should be thankful for that.
deleted_user
All of those memories will have to come from you and other family. I barely remember my grandfather, but with the stories I got from my grandmother, and my mom he is very real to me. I know the memories I have of him are probably created from their stories because I was six when he died, but thanks to them I do have those memories.
Shrn
I'm sorry for your sadness. We can keep those memories alive like J said by sharing our stories of love with them. Sharon
gone2soon
Jhafford is right. You and your family will have to provide the memories of your husband. Talk about him and the things he did with him and although he may not have the memory himself he will know how special he was to him. One thing my younger son loved to do was listen to stories about family members he never knew. He could sit for hours and listen to his grandparents or me talk about past relatives. We do that now for Melvin with grandchildren who were very young, one was 1 and the other 3 and today they speak of him as if they knew him. We look at pictures and tell all about how he played with them etc. That's one way to keep the memory alive and the love.
LSMS
As long as you are alive, your husband's memory can be alive. I wanted to give our grandchildren something to remember their grandfather, so I made a little book with lots of pictures and simple stories. Although there are many web-sites that can help you make a more professional looking book, my simple, home-made one works well enough. I read the book like a bed time story and talk about their grandfather answering all the questions that come up the best I can. We have lively conversations about him and they walk away feeling they know their grandfather very well. I wish you the best. Linda
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