Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Just Venting

ItsJustMe239
ItsJustMe239
In 10 days it will be one year. Why am I angry that the rest of the world kept spinning when I knew it would. Why am I still envious of every couple I see, old or young. Why do I still reach out for him when I know he's not there. Why do I still cry, and cry, and cry, and cry. Why is the pain still as sharp and the memories still as vivid as if he left me yesterday. Why am I angry that everyone goes on with their lives when mine doesn't seem worth getting out of bed for. Why does my head know that I need to make a life for myself now that has happiness and fulfillment and contentment, but my heart just laughs at the possibility. I really wish I could just wake up from this nightmare and he would make me feel better, but some wishes never come true and it breaks my heart.

Thanks for that little vent. I wish everyone the best in their journey.
deleted_user
deleted_user
((sending you hugs)).This event has been the longest emotional road I have ever been on. . We walk, we sit down , we cry, get mad, sad or even laugh and then we walk some more. You are not alone.
Jdslas
Jdslas
You definitely have company. I passed the one yr mark last month and I thought I was doing better looking over the past year, but the last week or so I've been hit with a new wave of "I can't believe your gone" moments. It's as if my heart stops beating for a few seconds. I know part of is because of the time of year and the approaching holidays, his birthday in Dec. and the dark, dreary and shorter days...At times life just sucks.....Hugs to you.....Deb
limasc
limasc
Wow, I'm on the same road as all of you. Hit one year a month ago as well, and these past few weeks have been like the first. Just can't get out of this slump. I too cringe when seeing happy couples, wondering why that can't be me.

I've been hearing year 2 is worse than the first. We are now out of the fog and are realizing the truth. He is gone, we are alone. I'm sure hoping it gets better for all of us. Some days get pretty bad.

Wishing you and us all some happier days very soon!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It has been over 3 years for me and I remember feeling the way you are feeling at the end of that first year. I began to cry and be angry all over again. it is better now much better but I still have days where those feelings come back but they do not hang around as long. Hugs!!!
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
I'm so sorry for your pain. We are all in varying stages of working through our grief. I am at almost 11 months and I thought the process would be steadily moving in a positive direction. But, no, I can be pretty stable for days or a week and then I will lose it again, crying bitterly. BUT the crying doesn't last quite as long per spell. I guess that's progress. Best wishes to you for comfort through this site of friends who know what you are going through.
Kathleen
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mrs RSB - every single emotion you mentioned, I am still going through. I am at 14 months and as some others have said, so far I find the second year to be a little harder in some ways! We were just talking about this today in my grief group as three of us are over a year. One of the other girls is at 14 months & she also said she has cried every day for 14 months. Everything you are feeling is so natural. One thing I can say is, I may cry every day at some point, but it is not the sobbing & losing my breath like it used to be. I cry every night when I go to bed but it stops much sooner. I hope each day becomes a little better for you.
missulance
missulance
I am also coming up on 3 years and remember those early feelings too. They still show up from time to time but I am handling them much better now. They aren't as intense and don't last as long. Wishing you peace on this very emotional path that we are on.
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I remembers those feelings too, not being able to walk in the park because of other couples there.

I wish you all the best for the first anniversary, look after yourself.
missmyhero
missmyhero
The one year mark is so very hard... Please know that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. What you are going through, every feeling and emotion, every turn of the roller coaster of grief is normal for you, even though it is so so very hard. No two of us are exactly alike, though what one of us feels at any given moment, others of us have felt that very same way again again. Sending you lots of virtual hugs...
-Diana
Perthite
Perthite
Like some other new folk to this site, I have been reading the posts and comments for some time, but have not added any of my own, however with my first 1 year anniversary date rapidly approaching, this topic has struck a particular chord with me.

I too, have experienced a roller coaster of emotions during this past year, however all the firsts have been particularly hard.

Just tonight when I arrived back from a quick trip interstate to a family wedding, there was no one to meet me at the airport . It again hit home how very alone I am now since the loss of my husband and all around there were people being greeted by their loved ones.

I will think of you on your one year anniversary date.
laurabp
laurabp
I think a lot of us expect to be "over" the worst by the one year mark, but it really does not work that way. I was one of those who felt very calm and at peace on that one year anniversary. Now that I am at 23 months, I am feeling a lot of the anger that you and others felt earlier on. Each of us is different and there is no timeline for grief - it takes as long as it takes. Hugs, laurabp
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
Because...it's only been a year.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think any emotions you are experience right now are necessary for you to feel. There is no other way but to feel it and it really sucks. I am angry too. I can't get it through my head that the love of my life, the one person who really cared and knew me, loved me, accepted me, could comfort me is gone. Can't imagine ever feeling that tenderness again. I can see why seeing other couples is upsetting. It's imagining and remember having those feelings with another person. I am so sorry. I am only at almost 10 months but I can't see the anniversary of the first year not sending me through the fires. Hug, Donna
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
I understand your rant. It isn't fair that our lives have been altered. We didn't choose it, it chose us. I often get angry or annoyed that my husband suffered the way he did and his life taken from cancer. Even more angry when someone utters that God has a plan. Please. Save that stuff for someone else. The God I worship wouldn't give my husband cancer because he had a plan for both of us. Some people are just plain stupid. I'd rather them just say hi than give me their rhetoric.

See? You're not alone. Felt good for me to vent too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It will be 2 years December 8th. I must say I am a lot better than I was last year this time. Just so very lonely, miss him so very much. I am able to smile even laugh sometimes thinking of the memories. Others just do not understand the pain your are feeling, looking at you with the get on with your life you have been grieving long enough. Why was I cheated we did what we were supposed to do, raised 2 children to be law abiding adults, law abiding people. Now I am alone go figure....
Sally
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