I had a close friend lose her husband less than 3 months after I lost mine. I was just starting to come out of the fog and had finally started sleeping again when this happened to her. It definitely re-opened all of the raw emotions and made me take several steps backwards. I totally understand your concerns. I would just be honest with everyone about how you are feeling and hopefully they will understand. I have been able to help my friend quite a bit but have to know my limits and back off when I start to feel overwhelmed again.

I would like to share an experience from the reverse side. My SIL lost her husband 5 yrs ago. Her brother (my husband) died last year. We have dinner about every month or so. She shares with me her experiences with the grieving process from a widow's perspective. Some days are overwhelming for her, some are for me. Just knowing that someone "knows" what I am going thru is helpful.

So, give what you can, when you can, and NEVER feel guilty if you can't. A sympathetic ear is always welcome!

Yes, since John passed I have lost 7 in total of close friends and family. They knew that I may have trouble with the actual ceremony, but things like a phone call , lunch and a movie are things that can be done in your own comfort zone. At first as you know everyone makes promises, but it turns out the ones that didn't make those grandstand promises are the ones that have proven true friends. So even if it's for a girls night popcorn and an Old movie with a double size box of Kleenex , it will help. Casa Blanca or some other movie where tears are okay even expected, a good cover. Don't forget the chocolate. Just those simple things mean so much more than the multitudes of empty promises.
Hugs, you are not just being a good sister in law, but a good friend by thinking of helping her. I call it stepping in front of the bullet. But with the double box of Kleenex and the understanding of it, you will be better in those times than those that don't understand. Schedule your movie night.

Shortly after Howie passed, family members of his lost their mom, and a friend lost her mom and while it may not be quite the same, I had to be there for them as they had been for me. It was a matter of integrity for me. They realized that it might be hard for me and were touched that I could find a way to support them. In then end it help me step out of my cocoon and realize that life did indeed go on and that I need not be self centered when others needed me. Yes it is hard but life is hard.

Don's best friend died on his (Don's) birthday 3 years later. Both taken by lung cancer. They (him and his wife) were so supportive to me that I had to be there for her. She was my best friend. We understood each other's loss and our bond became stronger. It was a hard time but having each other made the burden lighter for us both. Sharon

Thank you for the responses. It helps to know what others have encountered.

My mom lost her brother several months ago. When he initially passed on, I just listened to her.