Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been twelve weeks since I had to give the doctor permission to let my husband of 40 years, go. To relieve his suffering. To end his agony. Did I do the right thing? Should I have done more? If so, what could I have done?
He was a stubborn man. He kept refusing to go to doctors. Just stayed in bed for the last year of life. Eating very little, even though I brought his meals on trays. Losing weight. The authorities kept telling me as long as he had his own mind, they couldn't intervene. He would go along like that until he'd hit a snag, and I could call 911. Even then, they couldn't do anything if he refused. They had to dance around, making up excuses to get his consent.
Finally, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was relatively fast. He had refused treatments so long that by the time the doctors figured out what was wrong it was too late. The last 911 call, he ended up in the ICU. It was the end. He had nothing left to fight with.
Everyday I wish for a "do over". I am not sure what I'd do different, but I am sure there had to be something I missed doing.
I am alone. Just my four little dogs, and I. My kids live thousands of miles away. No neighbors. Friends have said, "if there's anything we can do, just let us know". But they never call again, or check in on me. I sit here day in and day out. Some days the only other human voice I hear is from the tv.
Thank you for letting me ramble on.. It's been one of those bad days.
He was a stubborn man. He kept refusing to go to doctors. Just stayed in bed for the last year of life. Eating very little, even though I brought his meals on trays. Losing weight. The authorities kept telling me as long as he had his own mind, they couldn't intervene. He would go along like that until he'd hit a snag, and I could call 911. Even then, they couldn't do anything if he refused. They had to dance around, making up excuses to get his consent.
Finally, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was relatively fast. He had refused treatments so long that by the time the doctors figured out what was wrong it was too late. The last 911 call, he ended up in the ICU. It was the end. He had nothing left to fight with.
Everyday I wish for a "do over". I am not sure what I'd do different, but I am sure there had to be something I missed doing.
I am alone. Just my four little dogs, and I. My kids live thousands of miles away. No neighbors. Friends have said, "if there's anything we can do, just let us know". But they never call again, or check in on me. I sit here day in and day out. Some days the only other human voice I hear is from the tv.
Thank you for letting me ramble on.. It's been one of those bad days.
I too am alone. I had retired early from 25 yrs in retail to stay home, take care of the house and him. So now I'm looking for work again, hahaha.
And all those ppl , yea I know them too. Oh, call me they said. But when I do, if I do, it 's just a chat & theyre off to do something.
I have my 2 dogs ..I love them to bits. I'd be lost without them.
But ya know what? I'm not quite 57 yet and there HAS TO BE something out there for me!! I refuse to give up.
I'm alone & I'm scared but dammit...I've had a good life til now & unless there's something I dont know about and I'm not gonna be here much longer I can't believe that God & the universe expect me to be this way for another 20 yrs or more. To have lived 56 yrs and looking back it was all good..in its own way. No, there's more, there has to be.
You're not much older than me...lets see if we can't make our lives good...no matter how long we have left.
I pray for you to find Peace and joy,
Nancy
Rattymom -- and I hate to call you that because you're probably far from it -- you are not alone.
Wishing you peace . . .
Sorry, now I'm ranting. I do have a little hostility toward the quack and I shouldn't and I have taken it out here and I thank you for allowing that-Hugs to all for listening-Jewley
What can you do about it? Continue to come here and share your feelings and realize that your life as you knew it is gone and that you are the only one in control and in charge of your "new normal"
Friends have good intentions and say if you need anything call or ask but don`t call back. That`s normal as they may not want to intrude or impose or just don`t know what to say and we sit there waiting for that phone to ring. Call your friends and say that you could use some company. When I made the call , my friends came through. It was doing that I did not want to impose but I`ve learned through bereavement that it`s also my responsibility to seek the help. We all do it, we tell friends "if you need anything call me" It is simply miscommunication on both parts not that they don`t care. They live their life and time flies by while we are thrown into a "twilight zone" of sort.
Is there any groups you could join so that you would get human contact during these hard times?
chipstears