Its nearly 8 years, I still have those moments I forget that hes gone. I want to call him about the things our son accomplishes or the silly things that he does. He just turned 13 and has serious mustache shading going on. Being a single mom with no brothers trying to help him through puberty has been interesting! I wish I could go back to that night and say lets just stay in, its late, lets watch a movie. The flashbacks have stopped finally. Everyday I wake up and do the best I can to guide our son to be successful. He is on the autism spectrum. Hes struggled so much with anger over the years, he was so close to his dad. But I'm so proud that he does his best everyday. I know that his dad would love to be there for every moment, good or bad. I never thought I'd be a widow at 29. I never thought there was such a pain as this, but I'm learning every day and doing my best everyday. Even though I have those moments where my heart is breaking, I still find a way to get up everyday and move forward. I think when people lose someone they have to find someone to blame. So much anger that has to go somewhere. I blame myself more than anyone else knows. I guess thats what they say is survivors guilt. Thats something I still struggle with. Most days, I just put all of that at the back of my mind and move forward. I think I will continue trying to process all of it. All the anger I had towards others involved has passed. An accident is an accident and I know thats what it was. I'm thankful most of that night has faded, but I do know that what I still remember I'd never wish upon anyone else.