WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS OF FAITH Community Group
A place where people of faith may freely discuss issues of grief from a faith based perspective.
Last Friday I observed what would have been my thirtieth anniversary, but instead, for some reason only God knows, it was the one year anniversary of my wife's passing. I am not disgruntle over the timing itself, but her absence has been difficult to bear. I tell people when I am asked, that God gave her the best anniversary gift she could possibly receive...eternity with Him.
I am different today than I was a year ago; I guess I shoud say, things are different than they were a year ago. I don't think I have changed all that much. I still feel very connected to virginia. I am well aware that she if gone, but I still prefer to live as her husband. I tried to step out a little, and was overwhelmed by the guilt of being unfaithful. I don't know how long it will take to move past this, or if i will ever desire it. I do recognize the need to establish new friendships. I have discovered that while i have great friends that I will always value, they are all married. There is nothing that screams "awkward" more than being in a room of maried couples who are being careful about what they say. I haven't felt like it up to now, but I am going to seek out people who are doing things I want to be doing, and living the way i want to be living. I just bought a house and once I sell my current one I will be debt free. I look forward to the liberty that will bring. I am going to my second appointment with a counselor today. Working through the grief has been difficult. i don't know if seeing a counselor will help, but my daughter (also a counselor) has reccommended it. We'll see. I don't want to spend a lot of money on paying someone to just listen, and i don't know what else they could possibly do. I think moving will be helpful, along with being proactive on rebuilding my life. I know I will never be able to walk away from my wife...why would I want to. My grief is strong, but it is when I feel closest to her. It may sound odd, but in some ways I don't want the grief to go away, because it connects me to Virginia. I would like for the devastation to lesson. Hopefully there will come a time when i can enjoy good memories, rather than a devastating loss. We'll see.
You triggered a different perspective than what I'd had about our 41st anniversary. It was 5 days after his death, and the only date available for family viewing. I was in complete shock. Should I tape big string of "Happy Anniversary" letters on the open lid of his coffin? Why had it never occurred to me that "till death do us part" would actually leave me as the survivor & end our marriage? The day before that was April fools day & I filled out his funeral papers. His burial and service was the day before easter. I did dwell on the thought of it being his Best Easter Ever! But all I thought of at his viewing was him subtracted from my life.
I thank you for this post.
Dates are odds little bits of information.
But they can pack a hard wallop!
I am 62 yrs old now. Our very dear friend, who officiated my husbands services, has mentioned (how many times?) that the Lord could bring me a man to marry. Like you, though, I still feel married. Wear the ring and feel naked without it. Sure as heck can not imagine that scenario.
Yet, we shall see how our futures unfold. It is all one big secret which The Lord does know.
Thank you for this post.
I hope you find a real friend. Another love.
The thing is, you can never go wrong with a real true friend, who is in the Lord, together with you.
Barb.