Hi Sandy . . . first of all, thanks for your proactive thought post. it caused "pause" for me to think about where I am and what I'm doing (or not) . . and all that I want to do. I'm at about the same time line . . . actually, 23 months to the day. There is so much I've let go of, yet so much I need or want to hang onto. (probate) . . .

Yes, i am moving beyond "me" and the acute pain of losing my husband . . doing things that engender peace for the future . . I wish it were simply that easy. Often time, the past comes back to kick me in the ass . . such as court, etc (I'm sure you can relate).

Me too . . finding my hobbies once again . . . gardening (pre-gardening) . . reading (which I wasn't able to focus on for the past 18 months or so) . . setting up house, placing art, etc. it took me a while to get to this point. Now that I'm here, I expect it to be called upon demand 24/7. I'm learning that this is not always the case. I have better days than bad ones, but still find days that I'd rather stay in bed than greet the world and my life at large.

As for your question . . "how do you choose to do rather than not have to do"? I take it day by day. I don't put restrictions nor expectations on self. I like to think that tomorrow will bring more positives than today. Often time, that happens; but when it doesn't, I give myself a break and say "it's okay". I'm human and not perfect. For instance, I had such a bad night last eve, I said, "I'll lay in bed all day and be depressed, giving self permission to do so, as do others". So, I slept til noon (easy compromise) . . I needed to get up and take care of these indoor plants (watering, sun lamp, etc) I could have gone back to bed after and not missed a damn thing today. Just one of those blah winter days here in MT. Again, a compromise, I'll simply go to bed early this eve and forget an easily forgetful day!!

Hugs . . and thanks for the topic. xo

Not really to sure about any of it. At 14 months sadness is not a constant companion which is surprising. I got away for a couple of weeks in January and found that surprisingly easy. I find the widow fog has lifted and i am more myself. I do find that any kind of long term plan is difficult, and i was always the planner!
My kids do try and suggest things like get a dog or join a group but I am pretty content with what i do now. Maybe I am in a holding pattern? Maybe at 62 I am just slowing down! Patti

At almost 2 years, I'm still trying to figure out what to do and where I'm heading. I feel like I've been in survival mode. Yes, less sad moments, and more moments of peace, but I'm still very sad and just surviving. I feel like there should be more than this in life. I haven't figured out how to be happy yet. I've had moments of happiness, but overall I'm not happy.
I was content and fulfilled being a wife, mother, and homemaker. Now I'm a single working woman. I've kept up with the house and large property, but it overwhelms me. I don't feel strong enough to sell and move though.
My goal for this next year is to try to move forward out of this holding pattern I find myself in, and to find happiness and joy again. I started seeing a therapist last week!
Love and hugs! Lori

On April 11th it will be 3 years since Morey passed. I can't believe it.......my world ended and another began in this time. So much has happened and a lot has stayed the same. There's something to be said for the latter [things staying the same.] I sold our home of 37 years, it took a lot of refurbishing and many, many tears but the sign went up on a Monday and sold in that week on Friday. Morey would have been so happy to see how I simply went into "robot, working mode", hired the right people and we made it happen.

I am continuing to work at my full-time job. Morey wanted me to retire and go traveling in 2012. That was not to be. After he passed the reasons to stay working became clearer and clearer to me. It would allow me to have the money to do whatever I wanted to do without touching my pension or savings. It would allow me to travel albeit not with him but I've learned to be a loaner in a world full of couples. Sometimes I invited women friends to join me, sometimes I do it with just Horton [Service Dog] and me.

My skin was becoming thicker and thicker and I could do a lot more than I thought I could ALONE! Being alone now is my CHOICE, mine alone to make.

I walk gingerly, at times, in my new role, all alone, I become tearful and weepy. Then sometimes I'm that lioness, alone on the Serengeti, wandering, without my mate - I arch my back, shake my head and point my eyes towards the road ahead.

I WILL survive, I WILL!

Roz ♥

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. Yes, we will survive. And my hope is we will do more - that we will thrive in time !

Dayna - I go day by day too. Today is one of the stay in bed days. I will get up in time to go out to lunch though lol.

Patti - I identify with your whole post! I'm wondering if I'm just slowing down too. One of my favourite quotes is that one of the joys of age that youth never knows is the joy of not going.

Lori - I'm still struggling with the whole joy/happy/content thing. I'm definitely not joyful but have reached relative contentment. Happy - occasionally but not for long and it's fairly shallow. I really miss that constant, underlying joy I used to have.

Roz - what an achievement with your house! I've got that coming up this year. I love your image as lioness of the Serengeti. Can I join your pride?

Hugs all, Sandy

I’m out of my fog now. I gave myself a year.
I have frequent flier miles I need to use, so am thinking of taking some trips, even if I have to go by myself.
Today i looked up tours to Boston. I think that’d be a fun city to explore, on a tour.
I also want to go to Wash DC and go to all the Smithsonian museums.
I’m thinking if I were on a tour group it might not be so bad going alone, unless anyone here has an itch to travel to Boston or Wash DC.

I have travelled by myself and in a group and both can be OK (although I am very comfortable being by myself and probably prefer it to being with people I don't know and have to make an effort with). I'm going to Canada in July with friends and then to NY for a few days in August. I'm thinking of adding Washington in to that. When were you thinking of going?

Anytime- I haven’t made any plans. I can meet you when you firm up yours. That way I won’t have to think. LOL
I can probably go in August if that’s when you’re thinking...

I’m going to New York in May, and to both Washington state and Utah in Sept. (And Hawaii next week)

I seriously want to get out of Huntington Beach with my dogs because people shoot off firecrackers around the 4th of July; it drives me crazy. I want to go somewhere quiet for a couple of weeks, away from this noisy beach town. It sounds like a battle zone. Maybe just rent somewhere in CA that I can drive to...and will accept 3 dogs...

I live in Hawaii. What island are you visiting?

Sandy, I'd love you in my pride. We have to take my dog Horton with us. He looks like a small pony and loves cats....so it's perfect. Whenever you're in the L.A. area [with freeways that can resemble the Serengeti wilds], let me know and we'll meet-up.

Roz ♥