If you've talked to him that much about his problem with that, then it is a serious issue. If he really is that addicted to the game then there might not even be a way to actually help him out. Try talking to him again and if it's the same response as before then it's in your best interest to leave him. From the sounds of it he doesn't want help and if anything Magic The Gathering is more important to him than anything else.

I have been consumed by video games and it was very apparent that they were not the most important thing at the time. There is definately a strong drive for him in this game so you need to look at what is driving him. I have friends who play too much online to to gain status they can't get in real life. I know others who play to escape to a world that provides other things they can't find in real life. He needs to know that you need to feel like number one. He needs to appreciate different things in life or he won't enjoy the game someday. Setting goals and rules for eachother could help only if he takes ownership by helping make the rules himself. You can't give up things you really love to due, so you can't ask a fisherman to give up fishing completely because it's a part of him. He needs to decide on a few days of the week to leave for family and sometime for himself as well. The group he is running with may encourage him to spend too much time as well. I hate giving up friends but in my case I had to give up World of Warcraft because I was geting harrassed to join 3-6 hours online raids every night. I had to give up that game for a more family time friendly game but you'll have to see what works in your situation.

Your involvement in this sight is very good, but his involment on this sight would be golden. Good luck and we hope to see him join us soon.

I had this issue with my girlfriend. I knew was the problem, but my max hours of playing would be 5-6 hours but it still bugged her. So I typed an "assignment" and gave it to her. It was a simple list of pros and cons followed by a section for comments and things you partner should consider working on. When we were done we exchanged the paper and graded it. The grade represented how we felt about what was written. Then we talked about it. Anyway long story short it worked for me. I say try it and let me know how it goes.

H

Ill tell you what you have to do to leave an addiction. I did. I no longer have any male friends. Couple of aquintences but no close friends. They were geeks and thier houses filled up with more immature junk than they needed. I was long sick of WATCHING monster films and noboy made any anymore. All thier money was spent on DVDS and toys
The main problem was i liked gilrs and I liked other things.

Its been too long. I hate advising anyone to ditch a man, we need all teh patience we can have.

After I left the guys it was hard. I did more artwork but a year of lonliness,
I met my wife on Jan 1st we were married in October.

She is teh kindest person I have met. She is teh most important thing on earth .

This man would hesitae in a fire between you and the cards.

He doesn't carry what you are looking for. don't settle that, keep looking, and be carefull. Still, i wouldn't let this stop you from datign another mtg enthusiast.

i think that what you are saying is that the amount of attention and enthusiasm he gives to MTG is overwhelming all other aspects of his life and he is neglecting you, despite you having made sacrifices for him in the past.

being treated like that can make someone feel insulted, lonely, and low in self esteem.

no matter how nice a person he is otherwise, the fact is he is not treating your relationship, and you, with the respect it deserves.

I did that to my husband when i was addicted to wow last year. however, he was addicted as well at the time, so it wasnt quite the same situation.

i remember my sister crying, begging me for help to organise her wedding - but it just didnt seem as important as running my wow raiding guild at the time. It seems crazy now, but, ashamedly, thats how i was. i was seeing the world through some pretty crazy glasses.

It may be that he is going through something similar - and just hasnt realised that he has lost himself and is losing his loved ones.

however, the crucial thing is, unless he realises/accepts he has a problem, there is nothing you can do to help him, and he wont change, and you will end up feeling worse and worse and not getting the love that you need and deserve.

i think you need to tell him honestly that you feel neglected, that he doesnt spend enough time on his relationship with you for you to feel satisfied and special, and that you cant go on this way.

but, only say that if you mean it! as empty threats will lead to him running roughshod over you with his bad habits in the future.

if then this forces him to re-examine his priorities and feel that the relationship with you needs more time, and that that time can be taken from MTG, then try and be as supportive as you can, and give him time to make the changes he needs, expecting to support him through several relapses before he acutall changes.

if on the other hand, he just denies that there is a problem - then just face the fact that he doesnt want to give the minimum required standard for a healthy relationship and walk away, no matter how much you love him. i know it would be hard - but you deserve and need a proper relationship.

good luck and keep us posted
x

PS
things are going well between me and my husband, and we no longer play wow :-)

I've enjoyed reading everyone else's advise, and it all makes a lot of sense. The one thing I would suggest is a schedule, or curfew. Also I'm going to put in a good word for magic =D

I was addicted to starcraft for some time, and quenched is very quickly. I decided to switch to playing magic, because it's social, and is more involved and I believe it does help you with life skills. Since then I've played barely any magic though... And as for the magic trading online he can actually make money playing magic, although for most people it's a money sink and not a money maker. Perhaps propose to him that if he wants to keep playing he needs to make money on it, not spend money on it... or at least break even.

Either way magic is a social game. So perhaps don't present it as magic being a higher priority than you, make it his magic playing friends being a higher priority than you! And then ask if he'd rather keep them or you. Which it really isn't an ultimatum, but he clearly needs to cut back on time spent doing things to support his friendship with them.

Like I said before a schedule or curfew. Make a solid decision as to how much time he can spend every day playing magic. Then present this to him! Understand that there will be tournament days and such that will take up an entire day, but on the average day how much time do you want him to spend doing magic things? Then I would advise being very lenient! Say you want him to spend roughly four hours a day on magic related things. Start by telling him that magic can not the be first thing he does in the day. One of my favorite priority systems is what you do first is your highest priority, not what you do for the longest. So maybe say he can only play magic after two of four o clock. That way you get him first every day, and magic gets him second... and then maybe set an end time on it. Say he needs to stop by a certain time. Then propose that you cut it down by an hour a week, until you both reach a satisfactory balance.

Propose some sort of punishment for not fulfilling your agreements, probably not for just magic but for everything. Maybe he doesn't play magic at all the next day if he starts to early or ends too late, but can play all day the day that he messes up. Then again he might not be able to stick to this, so see what works and what agreements he can keep.

I know it sounds like you're giving him a lot, but you're really just trying to get a system in place that works for him. And then after the system is there, change it so it works for both of you. Maybe propose a movie night every week... some time set aside for you and only you. Show him that you want this to work, and that you will take on responsibility, and he will probably follow suit in time and take on responsibility as well. I hope this helped!

~Ty

hey - i just read the last post.

Its an interesting take on things - and who knows I could be wrong and it may be the practical solution that the couple needs.

But.....

what you said about his "magic playing friends" being a higher priority is key.
i bet that in most cases it is just like wow "friends". when you stop playing your friendship slows and ends because your "friendships" were based on interactions between fake persona in a fake world, and no matter how much closeness and fun and respect there was between your avatars or your magic playing character, you are like strangers in any other real world setting.

This is why these "friendships" are toxic - they encourage people to play games to a schedule, with orders and ranks, in a way which takes up sooooo much of your time that you dont have enough time and energy to focus on relationships, ambitions, and boring but important day to day tasks.

Then, when you are well established in a group, you probably genuinely really like being with these people - you dont have many other friends outside the game cos you havent had enough time to maintain those other friendships and those other friends just dont seem as much fun because you cant share your gaming passion with them.

So, in effect you're trapped - if you leave the game, you lose your fun and social support and passion.

REAL friends are people you can interact with in many different scenarios - and who wont care if you play well or badly at one type of game. They are people you dont have to devote the same amount of time to as a part time job , ON A SCHEDULE.

You only have one life - with a finite amount of time, love and experience to share with others.

Your boyfriend shouldnt be wasting all that on a game with people that will almost certainly drift away from him if he ever stopped playing it.

Trying to compromise to fit into the lifestyle of an excessive gamer (online or face to face) isnt, I believe, the right answer.

Good luck!

Leave the fucker. I think anyone that spends too much time with magic is a worthless piece of trash. I can totally relate to packages coming in the mail every fucking day. Takes fucking hours counting cards and putting them in fresh sleeves. All while talking about how their magic abilities are so fucking cool and rare. Don't even get me started on his talk about lands especially tropical lands. Every time I look over at him he is either scrolling things on the internet about Magic or watching other people play magic on some dumb live video site. I mean who really enjoys watching other people play a fucking kids game. I though maybe a grown man would spend time on the internet scrolling through porn hub or some shit like that but no....he gets off on watching others play magic. Fuck magic players. One day I cannot wait to burn all of his cards after tying him up making him watch me destroy them one by one.