Video Game Addiction Support Group
Game addiction is a form of psychological addiction related to a compulsive use of computer and video games. People suffering from this form of addiction may experience intense cravings to play the game and may also suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they stop playing the game. Meet with friendly, supportive people sharing their experiences with Video Game Addiction.
My son is 15. He is a smart, highly sensitive, introverted young person - and over the last two years he has retreated from the world, into Runescape. He plays as much as he can, and although he attends school, his grades have gone from an A-minus to a C-minus average, and I think they will get worse still before they get better, if they ever do. He had some difficult experiences with friends, sports and other activities, and it seems to me that his way of keeping himself safe from ever getting hurt is to retreat into his game, where the worst thing that can happen is a failed quest objective, and nobody wants anything from him except to play the game with them.
He has become withdrawn, and openly tells me that he doesn't even like me. I have tried to let him have his fun while keeping up with his obligations with school and family life, but he is less and less interested in anything but RuneScape. He has drifted to a point where it is the only thing that holds any attraction for him.
I can't accept that he is surrendering his life to this. We have been lenient parents, and relied on our kids having all the options and choosing wisely. This has got him used to being able to play whenever he wants, and lately that is all the time, including during the night. I have drawn a "line in the sand", and am disabling Internet access overnight, even during school holidays. I am not sure how much further I want to go with the "tough love" (yes I know, partial internet restriction is not nearly "tough", but you know what I mean. I don't want to remove his computer from his room, because he bought it with money he saved himself, and I want to respect his property. I also don't want to cut him off from the game completely - that seems like an act of violence, and I don't want to model that for him.
His open resentment of me for not letting him play as much as he wants is beginning to get to me. I'm a man in my late 40s, and I have been known to go to bed in tears, because I can't let the son I love do what he wants to do. I am not sure how I can keep going with this. I am terrified of losing him completely, but I can't just keep contributing to something I believe is hurting him, even though he is not aware of it.
Thanks for reading. If you have any ideas, I would truly appreciate reading them.
I look back and am very disturbed by how engrossed I was with the game. I know now that it was a form of heavy dissociation as well as an answer to extreme loneliness. My parents were powerless. They tried to restrict my access, but it was like trying to restrict access to the world I was choosing to live in. It felt absolutely necessary to me that I find a way to be there, with my friends, with my goals, in my life. The physical world was a hindrance, a thing in the way. I was also so young, that I had no experience or perspective. I knew I was miserable but I didn't know what was happening. I was an addict. Basically, I had no understanding of my own feelings or situation.
I eventually stopped on my own. I think I stopped because I ended up in an online relationship with a boy who I then met in real life. I transferred all of the needs that Runescape fulfilled onto this boy. Loneliness, a thing to do, validation, a sense of worth, escape. My experience with him ended up being traumatizing and life-altering. Not to be alarmist, but online communities can expose you to a lot at a young age, including sexual predators. I am not an alarmist person. I truly cringe at a lot of what I encountered on there. It didn't have much to do with quests.
However, even without the movement towards codependency, I believe that the single most important thing that shifted me away from the game was that I changed schools. I got a new start... an opportunity to make new friends and maybe even be a better student. I got to shake my own stigma. I was so lonely in middle school, and Runescape was full of people who actually talked to me. I did not fit into my real world. I went from a small private school that felt like being in an observation tank to a publiv school environment with more students, less personalization and more opportunities to make friends. People from all walks of life. Nobody was breathing down my neck. If I screwed up, I wasn't alone. This saved me.
I recommend above all else you find a way to give your son a second chance/ fresh start. Even if he doesn't want it. He does not know what he needs. He doesn't have perspective. He doesn't know why he's using Runescape. Put him in a new and different environment, a place with more freedom to explore. He doesn't need discipline, he needs opportunities for real-world connectio. Give him the chance to meet social needs outside of Runescape. Putting limits or demanding moderation is besides the point. Runescape has become an alternative to the realities of life for your son. There is no balance. If you can offer up an alternative social landscape, it will no longer serve a purpose in his life.