I had been with my (ex) boyfriend for 3 years. 2 of these years I lived in a different city where he practically lived with me and he only had an xbox and we had no issues and had a really great relationship. I had known he had been a gamer in the past, as he showed me all the hours he had racked up on WoW.
Since moving home, he started playing the game Smite on his computer and this is where all this started. He had to log on everyday to get his gems and there was something like double points on a weekend (I'm not a gamer myself so not sure) which made him start to be reluctant about seeing me on weekends. I began going around to his to not even be greeted as I walked through the door because he was too into his game. I would set a time to meet him and he would begin a 40 minute game 5 minutes before we were due to meet up. I started going up and finding much of my time was watching the tv alone and staring at the back of his head. One week his friend's parents went away and he moved his television up to his friends so he could sleep there and play games/ smoke weed 24/7. He even started booking days off work to play all day which he didn't tell me about and I found out through family.
I expressed the feelings that I was being neglected and didn't feel special anymore. I said we need to work out a routine so he could play and still have quality time together. He didn't listen and concerns turned into arguments. He made me out to be controlling and said he would compromise but the reality was much different. He always complained about never having enough time on the game. I explained to him that he was coming home from work and playing 6pm-12/1am 4 days a week and that seemed plently of time. He would tell me his family would come up and he'd have to go and see them instead, so when I came up I'd usually get the brunt of it as he'd lost his game playing time and now couldn't play it when I was there. He would also complain his team were always rubbish and he was always losing, meaning he had to stay on longer to win because he had to win 3 games or something some days. He wouldn't spend time with me because he "didn't like watching television" and said if he wasn't allowed to play his games then I wasn't allowed to watch the television anymore (which didn't fuss me too much because I was fine going out doing things together). However he put no effort into coming up with plans to do, and all my suggestions were met with an excuse about why he didn't want to. There were times there was just a stand off where we'd both sit in silence.If he did go out I was basically dragging him and he sulked the whole time. The amount of times we had plans and ended up driving home due to one of his tantrums. He even said to me once "you know what I'm like and should have known I'd eventually get over it" after driving all the way home from a date.
If he wasn't playing, he was watching competitions and Twitch, where other people play, often explaining he wanted to do that too and thought he could go professional. He'd often prop his phone up at the table infront of me when we were eating breakfast and watch other people playing. When he wasn't playing Smite he was playing a game on his phone.. there was always something! Whenever I had been able to drag him out lately he's been playing on Pokemon and blanking me and when I say I'd just like to have a walk in the park (e.g) without games he's been angry and called me names. He was furious the other day that he couldn't submit a fantasy football team because the website crashed. When I ask him for attention he stares at me sarcastically and it's quite intimidating. The anger has just got worse and worse and I'll wake up to him playing games and just leave him to it and get myself ready for the day. Because he knows I'll want him to come off when ready and usually after he's been on it for 3 hours in the morning, he'll start slamming doors. I left him to it and made us both breakfast one day, when I told him it was ready he came down and told me I was stupid because I didn't mix the scrambled eggs properly. He's even gotten so angry he's punched walls and threw a guitar at the wall (hard) infront of me.
This was the closest I got to leaving and I can't believe I didn't. Fast forward a month and he just invested in a new computer (he only got his last one 4 months ago) costing £2000 because the last one wasn't fast enough. This upset me because we were struggling for money to put down on a deposit for a flat. The day we were supposed to be seeing eachother that week he dropped to go and build this new computer, even asking for a lift there and I refused. He also installed WoW again.
We eventually put a deposit down around a week later after he installed WoW. It's something we'd been talking about for 2 years and he'd been all for it. The day after he blanks me all day and I was worried he'd been in an accident it's so out of character. Turns out he'd just been out with his friend drinking (Also out of character) and got in at 12 where I rang him up furious. His explanation "I don't know what I want anymore". I got my things and left and we had a more serious conversation the next day.
He was hysterically crying saying he didn't know what he wanted anymore, including our relationship although he said "I need you to know I love you so much". He mentioned the arguments we'd been having (about games) had stuck and we were no longer compatible. He's mentioned previously how empty and depressed he was feeling and how he used the games to escape (which has been why I've been hanging on I think). He even said he'd nearly walked out of his job at times. After hours of asking what he "didn't know about" and what the issues were he said he was "worried he wasn't gonna be able to spend as much time on his games" and "didn't know if he wanted to move in with mates now".. because he can play games and smoke weed to his hearts content I'm guessing. Still, to hear somebody throw a 3 year relationship away for those reasons is heartbreaking.
It's been a week of no contact and I'm starting to look at the relationship without the rose tinted glasses and realize how bad it actually was. I just needed to vent to people who understood and would some kind words about getting over the hurt of being put behind his games, weed and friends?