I don't know why some people have it so much harder than others. I don't think anyone can seriously answer that question. Life is just plain hard AND often unfair ...and I really believe people who get freebies or handouts pay for those in some way. I think the majority of people have experienced some sort of trauma...I don't really personally know anyone who is actually happy and perfectly healthy and has it all. I know there are some people who do though (and you know people who are).

What you are going through is a lot...you have a lot to bear beause you are dealing with not only your own problems but also those of others. I think there is nobility though, and lots to be proud of in how far you have struggled and just in the struggle itself. Don't take that for granted. Struggle builds character. I would say also get in touch with your spirituality...sometimes it may help to 'let go and let god' or just talk to a higher power (whatever that is for you). Best wishes, sending you lots of support x

Hi RK,

I know I'm coming into this late, but I'd still like to respond. I also like what goingup wrote to you.

First and foremost--don't ever be worried about offending anyone's religious beliefs here when you discuss your sexuality. I accept you for who you are. I want you to feel free to post whatever you need to, so that you can get support. Your struggles, victories, and concerns are important no matter what. Always remember that.

That said, being that you are aware of your sexuality, and you are married to Dawn, but would still like to have at least 1 gay male friend or 1 bisexual friend who is male...I think that's understandable. I also agree with your approach to tell Dawn honestly about your needs. I'm glad that eventually she was supportive of you. You were honest about it so that she can trust you and hopefully this will make you relationship stronger.

I''m sorry to hear about the hurtful experiences you had with these other support groups or message boards. There are sick people on these boards who just pose and pretend. IWA and I had that experience 2 years ago. You also meet people who you think you can confide in, and you find out you can. Sometimes we have to be super careful about which life experiences we share with others. Awhile ago, I wrote on here about how I shared my experience with a coworker about how I lost two of my jobs and the circumstances of it. Instead of her being supportive, she was all about me telling my supervisor. I remember being very shocked and hurt and in total disbelief of her reaction. But it also taught me she wasn't a safe person to speak with about that experience. Same thing with those guys who you spoke about about the 16 year old who came onto you, but you knew not to cross that line. They misinterpreted what you wrote, labeled you, and that was it. They weren't truly supportive if they were quick to judge and dismiss you. It goes back to being very careful with people...sometimes we just don't know who is safe or unsafe until we actually become vulnerable like that.

To answer your question...why do some people have it so good while others have a difficult life? I really don't know what this. I've wondered this from to time....sometimes it's a variation of "why do some people get things (job, marriage, career, home) easier than others" or something along those lines. I really don't know, Rk. Everyone's life is so different. We all have different paths. And sometimes the people who we think have it all together, are actually falling apart inside.

I hope that you find your peace, that you find the love and support you are looking for, and that you are able to heal from every hurtful think you have experienced in your life.

Sorry, that should read as "You also meet people who you think you can confide in, and you find out you can't." Strong emphasis on "can't".

Thoughtful1, thank you so much for your response, it brought tears to my eyes, but more importantly to my heart. I could feel the understanding and support in your voice, and it meant a lot to me. There has been a lot happened since my last post in this thread, most of it not good, and I've been at the point of giving up on my emotions and my happiness. I've tried to explain to Dawn many times that what she doesn't understand is that I don't still need a male relationship "despite" her, but "in addition" to her. It's like making a cake, most people grab a cake mix (life itself) off the shelf, and add water (spouse), pop it in the oven (life's events) and there you go. Me on the other hand, I have to not only add water, but butter, eggs and other things in order to have a complete cake. She just can't get passed her own insecurities and fears that it's an "either/or" thing, it's either her or someone else. That I can't love both, that I'm going to abandon her because of "whatever else" I may have in my life. After seeing me after visiting with someone I could talk to, and could understand me, and seeing the peace I had because of the demons that were lifted from me, she initially gave me permission to continue. Then she got afraid, and it didn't matter what I did it was wrong. If I wasn't communicating with anyone right then because she was home, and I was respecting her feelings, she got mad, and demanded, I start a conversation with someone, and not worry about doing it in front of her, she was ok with it. Then the second time I sent a text (actually to a second person), she accused me of having an affair because I couldn't go a few hours without talking to to him (even though it was two different people). If I tried to do something nice for her, I was trying to cover up my guilt, for not letting her be my only relationship. If I checked my email, or looked at Facebook, she even got mad and stopped talking to me for two days because I checked the weather forecast on my phone, and she was convinced I was having a secret conversation with someone, even though I showed her my phone, she said I changed the page before I showed it to her. So I finally had all I could take, and completely stopped trying to have a (completely platonic, strictly friendship) relationship with another guy. Neither one of us could handle the turmoil, and strain it was putting on us. She still doesn't even realize I gave it up for her, because I love her and she is the most important person in my life, and no one will ever be able to come close to being as much as she is, she believes I either did it because she won the argument, or because I didn't really need that, or so that I could make her the bad guy, just depending on what day it is. She has no idea what I've given up for her, twice now, and no matter what I do or say she will never see it, because she doesn't want to see it, if she did it would make her think I could give her up to go back to that, which I will never do. Once again after a long contemplation, I decided what the RIGHT thing to do was, and followed through with it that way, only to find out I made the wrong decision. Then again for anyone else being upfront and honest would have been the best thing, but not with Dawn. The part that really hurts is not that she fought me every step of the way, but that I looked at other couples that did not have as good a relationship as Dawn and I, and when it came out that one or the other was gay/bi, they worked through it and made things right, found common ground. I thought that if they could do it, then Dawn and I would have no problem, because of our love for each other, and how strong our relationship was. I wasn't expecting her to just let me do whatever, but I thought we could sit down and discuss it, find some common ground, and move our "house" to that spot.
But, we did not have the first discussion, I talked she argued, I explained my emotions and why I have them, she accused me of cheating, it got to the point that if said "the grass is green", she would yell that it is red. Just because I said it, she would claim the opposite. There was several times that she tried to start a fight, by saying I did or didn't do something a certain way if at all, and even though I had 3 or 4 witnesses, she would still call me a liar. I don't know if I misjudged how strong our relationship is, how strong our foundation is, or if I just did not realize the extent of how bad she had been hurt before we met. But, what hurt the most is that she just completely refused to consider my feelings, she refused to consider my love for her, and she tore down our relationship every time I tried to make it stronger. She actually made the statement, when talking about her considering my feelings, that she would "never care about my feelings if it meant me having someone in my life I could talk to about my sexuality". That's what hurt, just completely dismissing the pain I go through everyday emotionally, because of everything involved with my sexuality.

With the other support groups, on the health site, the person that attacked me privately, started attacking people publicly, and blaming it on other people, just to cause problems within the group, so he was banned. It then came to the attention of one of the page leaders that I had been hurt during this, and he reached out to me personally to let me know it was safe to come back. So that worked out great. Really what was so bad about all of that, was the timing. Both groups the same day, a day after a big fight with Dawn. Just all of it at the same time was overwhelming. Now, I'm in a place where I no longer have anyone in real life I can open up to about my sexuality, and I've also lost the online people I had I could talk to, so all I have left is my therapist.

But to be completely honest, I have reached a point there that I'm just exhausted with dealing with my sexuality. I have reached a point that it is more trouble to talk about it, and try to find peace than it is to just, block it up, and wall it off, and let that part of me starve to death, it doesn't hurt as bad that way. So I just don't know what I'm going to do there, this is not going to die, it's going to grow unless I keep it contained and under control, but I just don't have the energy to prune it anymore.

[quote] And sometimes the people who we think have it all together, are actually falling apart inside. [/quote]

This is very true, but not completely what I had in mind. this is the kind of stuff I had in mind, awhile back, my car broke down with a blown engine, cost more to fix than car was worth, and actually buy another car cheaper, bought a new car, had to borrow the money from a finance company. I actually bought Dawn newer car and took her old one, usually how we do it, a week later the one I got from Dawn, lost the transmission, again cheaper to buy another than fix. Bought another car, again borrowed money, a week later the transmission in Dawn's new car quit, had to buy another car, drove it two days and transmission quit. Bought another car, for the next 8 weeks in was in and out of the shop for a totoal of 6 weeks in, I drove it two weeks, I said, when it comes out of the shop this time, I'm selling it can't keep putting it in the shop. Bought another car, got the car out of the shop, the one I was driving quit, three days after buying it, had to drive the "shop" car for a while, it hasn't had the first problem in over a year. So right now I have two cars paid for that run great, two cars sitting in the yard broke down not driveable, but can't sell them because the title is tied up on a loan, and we are in bankruptcy again, so we are having to pay insurance on 4 cars, two of which are not driveable. That is the way my entire life is, money, cars, jobs, people. no matter what we do, or don't do we end up losing something, or otherwise getting in a bad place out of no fault of our own. It's like the universe, God, whoever hates us/me. It's always something that happens to us, not something we are responsible for. I know other people that haven't put their car in the shop in the ten years they've owned it. Life expectancy of a car is 15/200,000 miles, they get 350,000 on every one they buy, me I buy it 100/120,000, put 15/20,000 on it in one year and it's scrap, it's useless, they buy the exact same car, same day same dealer same mileage, same color even, mine last a year, there's 10 years. That is just how life is with me, why? Why, is it that no matter what I do, it ends up causing more problems than it fixes, but most people have a little "luck", not everything goes wrong, but for me it's everything?

"First and foremost--don't ever be worried about offending anyone's religious beliefs here when you discuss your sexuality. I accept you for who you are. I want you to feel free to post whatever you need to, so that you can get support. Your struggles, victories, and concerns are important no matter what. Always remember that"

Thanks thoughtful1 for explaining what I believe everyone feels about sexuality. Religion is just that...religion. However, I am a spiritual person who respect others journey. No judging here.

Thanks IWA, I do understand where you are coming from, and I do appreciate you stating it. I moved to a different city many years ago, and the religious affiliation of the majority of the population changed from being similar to mine and my beliefs. I could discuss things with my co-workers about our differences and it wasn't a completely pleasant experience at first, but after getting to know each other it became comfortable. However when it comes to sexuality, most of the time when you first start working with a bunch of people with a different sexuality it is extremely uncomfortable for everyone. After working with them for a while it only gets worse, even though you do everything you can to respect them and their feelings, no matter how hard you try to not be the gay person, things only get worse.

With religious differences you can eventually come to a peaceful place with your differences, you adjust to being around someone different and accept their beliefs as part of who they are, they begin to understand why you believe how you do. But, with sexuality, the longer they look at you the more they hate you. I can't count how many people in my life that has told me that when we first met they hated me, but they got to know me, and they learned who I am, and now we are best friends. They were able to forget about my sexuality because I didn't live like a gay person, I didn't act gay, I stood up for them even though they didn't like me, even though they had done me wrong, when it came down to push and shove, I protected them, just because they were my co-worker. A lot of them also told me that even though they considered me a best friend that did not extend to anyone else, just because they like me did not mean they liked, trusted, or could be comfortable around other gay person. But that was isolated cases. Most of the time they just gave me hateful looks for a couple of weeks before cutting my tire's, or threatening my life. Although, there were times, that my first day at work, my life was threatened, and I don't mean someone just trying to scare me off, I mean someone that would actually follow through with their threat and kill someone just for being gay. But, more importantly, I was raised to respect other people and respect their beliefs, and lifestyles even if different from mine, even if I hated they way they were, I was to show respect. When I was small my grandparents owned a small country gas station/grocery store, when they built it there was nothing around, 40 years later when I came along, the area had become a fairly populated white only area. Black people were not really allowed there unless there was no other way around, except for my grandparents store. My grandmother pulled a shotgun, that she knew how to shoot, on a couple of white guys one day because they were harassing a black customer that the week before had tried to intimidate her because she was alone that day, and he was black, he would just take what he wanted and she was lucky he didn't beat her, she pulled a pistol and told him he would pay for whatever he got, she got his respect, she told him he was welcome to come back but had to act right because next time she might not give him a second-chance, and she meant it. When I said she knew how to shoot, with the pistol she could put all six shots in the same hole at 50yds (45m), with the shotgun she could hit her target at about 60 yds (54m) which was about as far as it would shoot a scatter shot, with a long rifle she could hit the target at 100yd (91m), she grew up having to hunt for food, she didn't miss, and wasn't afraid to pull the trigger.

This is in the early 1960's Mississippi, she risked her safety to stand up to those men, at that time it wasn't unheard of for white people's homes and business being burned by other white people for standing up for black people, but she wouldn't put up with it, and the white men knew she would, and also respected the entire family, they wouldn't mess with our family for anything, thing is some of those guys probably got at least some of their groceries free that day because she knew they couldn't afford what they were getting, so she forgot to write down something. They would let people run a tab and then pay when they got paid end of the month, or for some of the farmers end of the summer after everything was harvested. After they closed the store, we added up how many of those tab receipt's were never collected because my granddad knew he could afford it easier than they could, and there was over $250,000 still owed, that was just thrown in the garbage, those people knew what had been done for them, and now 40 years later, I could call the grandchildren of those people, that I never met, and they would do anything I needed, just because our family was and still is that respected in the community. That's how I was raised, you don't disrespect anybody for any reason. Knowing how strongly some people feel about gay people, I am reluctant to mention it, not because of who I am, not because I'm ashamed of who I am, it just go against who I am to put someone else in an uncomfortable situation, so I will always worry. I know I have no reason to be worried, but knowing that all of you are willing to put your feelings aside for me, causes me to worry about saying something that hurts you. I know I've gotten way off coarse several time with this reply, but I thought it was pertinent information that you needed to know to understand who I am, and where I come from. I will always do my best not to offend someone, especially if they are overlooking my sexuality. However I do know that I always have a place to come when I need to.

Hi Rk,

You're very welcome. We are all here to provide support. I had started a response to you and then I lost it, so I'm going to try to summarize what I wrote to you.

Basically, I said that it's understandable that you have your needs and it's really sad that Dawn doesn't see this or understand it. Your cake analogy was on point: some people have less needs, and others have more. It sounds like she is clouded by her own past hurts that contribute to her insecurities. Maybe she can consider this: what if she went through some experience in her life and talking to someone who had lived through a similar experience was helpful? What if it gave her the support she needed? If that were the case, why should be denied the same support? I know you love Dawn, and I find it very respectful that you did your best to be honest with her about seeking a male friend who can understand your struggles. It's not really your fault if she has past hurts that she has yet to address---that keep her from being fully supportive of you. I hope one day she sees that it's important to work on herself, as doing so would strengthen her, and also strengthen the relationship you have with each other. Right now, it's like she is invalidating your feelings and needs because of her own hurts. That's how I read it. It's not fair to you.

You mentioned the therapist is the main (and sounds like only) person you speak to in real life about your sexuality. How about in person support groups? Would you feel comfortable going to those?

I see what you mean now. It seems like in your life, when it rains, it pours...and it doesn't stop pouring, it doesn't let up. I really wish I knew the answer to your question regarding that. I have none though. The car situation sounds horrible. I wish there was a way to get rid of both cars that are just sitting there like that. It just sounds like one thing after another...it never seems to let up. For your sake, I hope it does let up so that you can find peace, Rk.

You're welcome, IWA. I know you seek to keep this a very open and supportive board. Sometimes we have to remember to encourage each other and that none of us will be judged.

RK, I just think even if you are respectful to others...it's important that others be respectful to you. Some people are hateful and narrow minded and hide behind religion to justify that. You won't find that here. This really is a good place to come to. But I see what you mean too, based on your experiences--you've had intense ones--very dangerous and even scary. So on that note, I can understand and appreciate your caution. Also, thank you for sharing about your family growing up, about the racism, how it was in the South, and what your family did to be better human beings in a situation where some people were not treated as human beings based on color of skin.

(I know I'm being brief here, but I will be going to sleep soon. I hope to write more at a later date.)

thoughtful1, I would love to try a in person support group, however there really isn't any support groups in this area that would even allow a non-straight person to join. This area has probably gotten to the point that racial differences are less common than anywhere else in the country. Mississippi, has really made a tremendous advancement in that area, unfortunately the stereotype of the racist southerner is still bigger than the truth. But, that only applies to race, not sexuality. This is one of the most homophobic parts of the country, and not much sign of improvement.

I just mentioned the car situation, but that is just the beginning, appliances, air conditioners, refrigerators, and stoves. Phone's, computers, lost two laptops the same day for different reasons, I managed to frankenstein one good one out of the two, but that's just the beginning. We do our best to be good people, there has been many times when we were having problems just feeding the four of us, just didn't have the money for groceries. But, would run into someone in worse shape than us, and would let them move in temporarily, and wouldn't accept any money from them, we were only interested in seeing them back on their feet and supporting themself. Yet, we aren't able to get on our feet ourselves, it is so demoralizing.

I know that I need to accept, and demand respect for me and my problems, but I am a nurturer, I take care of others, and I deal with my own stuff myself. Not only that but even when I would drive 2 hours to go to a gay bar the topic of sexuality was limited to a certain amount of time. Not even gay people like talking about being gay with another gay person, it's like a fisherman gets off the boat and goes to the local bar, he will discuss fishing for a few minutes, and then refuse to talk about it any longer, he lives it he wants a distraction, he wants to stay away from the same old, same old. If that's the case, I know straight people want to discuss it even less. Not only do I not want to offend someone over their beliefs, but I know they really don't want to discuss it very long, so I try not to be annoying, I mean, my sexuality is who I am, just like I'm male, just like I'm a ginger, I have blue eyes, a black person will get around white people and willl discuss racial topics for a few minutes, then see that the white people are starting to get annoyed, they don't care he's black they just want to be friends. He knows they are willing to be supportive but he doesn't want them to think that he is nothing but his color. I don't want people to think of me just as a bisexual, I'm so much more than that, it's only a part of me. So I avoid the topic as much as possible, plus respecting peoples beliefs, and their feelings about gay people. I appreciate the kind thoughts, and the support you gave, what you said makes a lot of sense. I hope you get some sleep.

Hi RK,

It's great that Mississipi has made forward progress in terms of race relations. Especially since racism was really alive in the South. Is it possible that some parts of the South are still racist while others aren't? As far as LGBTQ...there are some organizations I found...check it out. I'm not sure what part of Mississippi you live in, but I hope you will find support in one of these (or all) organizations.

http://www.equalitymississippi.org/ - Equality Mississippi

http://unityms.org/ - Unity Mississippi

http://www.gulfcoastrainbowcenter.org/ - Gulf Coast Rainbow Center

http://www.hrc.org/states/mississippi - Human Rights Campaign Mississippi

http://www.glbtnearme.org/ - GLBT Near Me (National Center that helps you find GLBTQ resources near you)

This is a personal question and I hope you don't mind me asking...but when you and the family have struggled...have you applied for assistance? food stamps? Gone to a food pantry? It's wonderful that you are helping someone who is going through a tough time--but don't forget yourself. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to help a person get on their feet, but still be struggling yourself.

It's good to take care of others and to be a nurturer. Nurturers are infamous though for forgetting about their own self-care. I know because sometimes I do this and that for others, but I have to remember to fill up my tank. I can't run on empty. None of us can.

I get what you are saying about going to a gay bar and talking to another gay person about being gay. But maybe that gay person is at a point in their lives where they feel they have processed that. I think if you found someone who is in a similar position as you, it would be helpful to get that support.

I also completely get that your sexuality is part of who you are, just like being Black is part of who someone is--it's not their entire identity. I just want you to know that I'm not annoyed or offended if you talk about your sexuality here. Yes, I'm Christian, I think you might've seen that from my other posts. But that doesn't mean I won't listen to you when you want to discuss situations or life experiences that are unique to you, or that your sexuality plays a role in. I want you to feel safe to discuss whatever you want. Please know that. I'm not offended or annoyed by you wanting to discuss your struggles and life experiences. Some experiences we have might be unique to our identity (male, female, black, white, straight, GLBTQ, etc) and that's okay. This is a safe space to discuss those times.

My god-daughter recently came out to me as bisexual and I was glad that she felt she could trust me to do that. She simply said nonchalantly that a girl asked her out and when I asked her, she said yes, I like girls and boys. And afterward, we had a long discussion about religion and faith. She goes to GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at her school and she also struggles with religion, God, and faith. I wanted her to feel open to discuss those things, and I wanted it to be clear that I support and love her no matter what, but I also believe it's important for her not to throw faith away, but to continue building a relationship with God.

I'm glad you feel supported here, Rk. This is a good place to come to. I finally got some sleep and I hope to get more!

Hey thoughtful, I've looked at those, most of them are three to four hours away, the one that is in my area is The Unitarian Universalist Church, and the things they teach are nowhere close to what I grew up learning, and believe in today. Because of the differences in faith beliefs, there is just no way I could sit in the congregation and listen to them completely tear down my beliefs. Other than the Sunday services, I would not feel comfortable attending any of their outside activities not being a member of the church. You asked about us trying to get assistance, yes we have looked into this and in the past I have went to a food pantry every other week. But I had to kind of fudge our income level because like everything else our income was less than $150 over the income limit, and I really didn't feel comfortable lying about our income, but I did what I had to. There was actually one time we went in to try and get food stamps, and they required pay stubs. I wasn't working, and hadn't got on disability yet so all we had was Dawn's income. We didn't have cable, that was a luxury we didn't have money for. We did have our cell phone bill but that has become a necessity rather than a luxury like it was in the beginning. We had cut everything, I even sold my car so I could get out from under the payment. So we go in fill out the application for food stamps, Dawn had taken off work because we both had to go, because it was first come first served, we ended up waiting over an hour to see someone. The case worker added up Dawn's pay checks for the month and we were less than $50 over the limit, so we didn't qualify. We have applied for every kind of assistance there is in this area and every single time we were $100 or less over the limit. The food stamp case worker asked why I wasn't working, and when I told her that I was unable to work because of a broke back, followed by fibromyalgia, she got real ugly and told me she was tired of all of us lazy people coming in there trying to get a handout by pretending to have fibro which doesn't exist, She got wrote up, because I caused a scene and a couple of other people had over heard what she said.

Being both Christian and gay/bi, can be very traumatic to someone. Growing up being taught that someone that has the desires you do, are evil and deserve to be put in hell. That alone is enough to cause PTSD. But, then when you become an adult and you are still trying to reconcile the two different people inside you, the Christian who loves God, and believes what the church teaches about homosexuality, yet knowing that you didn't choose this as the church teaches is more than most people can handle. You have two choices you can either choose to continue to attend church every week and doing your best to separate what you believe and the person that you know you are, despite getting suicidal every time you let yourself think about the two things at the same time in the same context, or you can put your beliefs down and become one of those evil sinners the church tells you to avoid. That is the two choices most people have, that wasn't good enough for me, I knew that I didn't choose this, even though the church teaches it is a choice because God wouldn't let you be born that way. That belief based on just a handful of verses that off-handely mention things that seem to be homosexuality.

I have spent most of my life studying the Bible, trying to read what it does say. I had formed a opinion that nowhere does the Bible say that being homosexual is a sin. Wait for it, however, it does say that acting on your homosexual feelings are a sin. I came to believe that being homosexual was just a trait that God allows someone to be born with, so that they can show His glory, His mercy, and His grace, when you live a Christian life despite those horrible feelings. Just as Paul prayed for his thorn in the flesh to be removed, and God said My Grace is Sufficient, His Grace is sufficient to allow me to live a Godly life despite my emotions and desires. I believed that for many years, I have actually wrote several papers on this theory. When I returned to church following a 7 year period when I lived as on openly gay man, I walked in a church building of 100 or so people that all knew of my sexuality and yet I was welcomed with open arms. Me and the pastor discussed this subject many times, and even though I never changed his belief, I did change his attitude. We had a missions conference and had 10 missionaries visit the church for a week long meeting, each taking turns preaching and informing us about their mission field, the pastor actually asked me to bring a devotion one morning to all 10 of the missionaries, because he felt that we needed to do whatever we could to change the church's attitude about homosexuality. I have lost that original devotion, but I have rewritten it as close as I could to the original and it is online for anyone to see. Then just a few weeks ago, I was given a link to another website on the subject. This guy studied greek, latin, and hebrew in college, and has studied the original text extensively and has changed my belief. Using the original text he shows how the Bible wasn't talking about a loving homosexual relationship, those verses that condemn homosexuality are actually referring to the custom of the day, where after a battle before leaving the battlefield the victors, would rape the losers, this is the word used in those verses. Then there are several times that the Bible talks about Jesus talking to, healing, and visiting with homosexuals. When the Bible was originally written there was no word in any language that meant homosexual. There were words, however that would refer to a relationship between two men as a loving faithful relationship. The Bible used the same word to describe the relationship between two men that it used to describe a marriage between a man and women. Here is a link to the site I have my writings,, and eventually I will get around to expanding the library. Also the first post is titled "Link to site that changed my mind". Follow the link within that post and it will take you to the site I just referred to. Tell your God-daughter, I said to be proud of who she is, don't let anyone convince her that she should be ashamed of who she is. However, there is a difference in being proud of who you are and being open about your sexuality, and drawing attention to yourself just to get a reaction from people that don't accept gays. She wants people to respect her sexuality, in return she needs to respect their beliefs and not just throw it up in their face. You can be out and open and still work with someone for six months or so, and they not know your gay. If she will just be who she is, and not make sure everyone knows, be out, not outward if that makes sense. That is how I lived my life, and 20 something years ago I gained the respect and friendship of two brothers that had been known to go out with the intent of hurting, beating up whatever, gay people that's how much they hated us. But, I showed them respect and even though my sexuality was discussed with others around them, it was never discussed with them, I would usually move the conversation so that they couldn't hear. Even though they were my friends, I was the only gay person that they would allow around them. Despite them treating me horribly, when there was a tragedy in their family and there was nothing they could do, I was able to do what they needed and I did, no questions asked, and I told them that me doing that didn't change things, I wasn't trying to buy their friendship, I was just helping out someone that needed it. The last time I saw them was in 1994, until about six months ago and ran into one of them. He let me know that even though it has been this long, all I had to do was call him and his entire family would be at my house to help out. But he is still homophobic, he does treat gay's with respect and is friendly toward them, but he let's them know not to get too close. The way I treated him earned me a friend for life. So I'm just trying to pass on some wisdom to a younger generation. You get from other people what you give to them, it's up to you to make the first step toward peace and friendship.


I am a talker as you can see. I know my post are about twice as long as they need to be, but I just have to include details so people can understand what I'm saying, I do the same thing talking to people, I know I go overboard and really should cut back on how much I say, but I just can't seem to do it, although I do try.

Hey RK, I read your post. I started drafting a response, but haven't finished. I just wanted to let you know that I hope to respond to you this week. I hope you are doing well.

No hurry, especially not on my account. I've about decided that one reason my post are so long is that I don't get out of the house much, so I don't talk to very many people, so when I get a chance I can't shut-up. LOL

Hi Rk,

Thanks for understanding. It does help to have a support network on here and also outside of the home. No worries, my posts can be long too. Below is my response to what you wrote above....

I didn't know that those places were far from you. I didn't know what part of the state you live in, so I just did a general search for organizations in Mississippi. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can message me privately the town you live in or a town/city that is close to you so I can do some more research to find some support for you.

I'm shocked to hear that the Unitarian Universalist church wasn't supportive or that it tears down belief systems. If anything, I thought the Unitarian Universalist church would one where you feel most welcome and accepted. What exactly did they tear down?

I am sorry to hear that you had that horrible experience at the social services office. It's really hard to get assistance because there are many people in a similar position as you, who fall short of the eligibility requirements. There are many people who fall between the cracks. The person you dealt with was very unprofessional and I'm glad she got written up. She had no right to judge you or your situation.

I am certain that being a Christian and gay/bi can be very difficult. The thing is, I struggle with my faith and what the church says about homosexuality. I don't believe it's anyone's place, Christian or not, to judge a GLBTQ person as going to hell. I believe you love the person regardless of their sexuality. I agree with you that the two choices don't leave a lot of room. They are very narrow choices. My thing is this...there's also verses about God formed us when we were in our mother's womb--even before that. So is it possible then that God knows someone is gay before that person is born and discovers their identity?

It's great that you did research in this area of the Bible. It does bring up a lot of different views of how various Biblical passages are interpreted, the meaning behind it, etc. I"m happy you were able to go to that particular church and be welcomed, I'm also glad that you were able to exchange ideas with the minister there. I would like to read the devotion you wrote. I wasn't able to see the link in your message. I also find it very intriguing the studies shown other meanings given the context and time frame the Bible was written.

Me personally, I don't believe GLBTQ population is going to hell. That belief is very extreme and I just feel that in the end of the day, God is the judge of all of us, no one can say who is going to hell or even heaven for that matter. It's important that we love each other as Jesus has loved us.

Thank you for what you wrote about my god-daughter, and also for sharing your experiences. You're right, it isn't necessary to be up in everyone's face about one's sexuality. I would say this can apply to those who identify as straight, gay, bi, lesbian, etc. She' disclosed it to me, but she won't tell her grandparents or her mother. At her high school (same high school I went to), it is more acceptable now. 15 years ago when I graduated from there, many students were in the closet. In the present day, they have a GSA -- Gay Straight Alliance. She's really just who she is, she loves sports, talking to people, hanging out..she's not in your face about her sexuality. I do see what you mean though and I think for many people, they simply want anyone's sexuality to be a private matter, not a public one.

I am so bad at starting to post a link, write the post, and forget to include the link. I get so absent minded sometimes.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/bigay-and-christian

I think I worded the comment about the UU Church tearing down beliefs. I did not mean they were criticizing or trying to contradict other churches. I just meant that they have different beliefs than what I grew up learning, and therefore what they preach isn't the same as what I believe. So I would have to change my beliefs to fit in, and I just can't do that.

Thank you for researching that stuff even though those were not helpful. Thank you also for offering to do more research, but I've done about all the research that can be done on this area, and there is just nothing here.

When it comes to getting assistance, for the last eleven years we've been turned down time and time again, because our income is $150.00 or/usually less over the limit of the program every month. My wife makes good money at her job, but with 3 and 4 dependants it just doesn't go as far as the government thinks it does.

Thank You again for your efforts and your concern.