MovingOn, it is very, very common to be called names by psychos, socios, or whatever you want to call them. It makes them feel good about themselves, but never, ever take it! Say in a very calm, controlled voice that you do NOT want to be spoken to like that and walk away so they have no chance to come back with an answer. Don't get angry or let him see you are upset, that is what he is aiming for. Don't give him the power. xx

I agree with Jojon, try walk away from him and dont react to it because he will only enjoy it. I told my exS I didnt want to be swore at anymore and he made it a deal to swear at me more.

If you were 12 weeks pregnant and found out he was lying about another woman, wouldn't you actually have the right to feel all of those things anyway?! Jilted, jaded, jealous and about 50 other things you'd be fully entitled to!

I think the questions is, why does his opinion of you still hold so much weight? That the names he labeled you with (out his trying to control your reaction to his lies) are still sticking with you.

Maybe try working on releasing that hold?

Thank you for your responses. I went NC last August...I was so angry after he called me "jilted" and then told me he can do what he wants with his body, amongst other things, (after insisting on so much for our child and trying to work things out with me while at the same time leading this double life) that I sent him the list of sociopathic traits and then followed up with an email stating that I knew what he was, told him to never contact me again, and then deleted my email account (I had already blocked him by phone the week before)...

Bridget, I think you're right in that I was entitled to voice my anger to him. It takes A LOT for me to get angry and I was SO hormonal at the time...I guess I just still feel disturbed/distressed that any man would call a woman he got pregnant such names. I think I feel hurt still because I was trying to do the best I could while trying to deal with his insanity, the geographic distance, and realizing the man I thought I knew was actually a farce. Now I'm trying to figure out how to release that hold...I made a huge mistake ever dating him-- I get that now. I lost my child a few weeks after going NC in part due to all the stress he put me through. Now I have to live with those memories, too. This feeling may pass in time but last night and today, I thought about it and I suppose that I just have to chalk it all up to the fact that he's a S/N--a horrible mistake in my life. Sigh.

I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you. It's hard enough to accept the person we thought they were was an act. That's what people outside of our situations don't understand. We didn't fall in love with the sociopath, we fell in love with the sweet, caring man he pretended to be.

That's why it's so hard to heal and to brush off the names they call us and the torment they put us through. It's coming from the same men we trusted with our secrets and our intimate selfs.

Mine would reach for the worst things he could think to call me. He told me he saw my mouth drop and my eyes well up and that's what made him want to say it again.

Know that the things he said to you were only to hurt you and control you. If you identified with jilted or jaded then he could pass his guilt on to you and escape the blame of being a complete $&)@'.

Don't give him that power. I'm sure you're in a much better place now without him, don't carry him there with you.

Hugs.

Yea! That was the easiest card to play in my situation! I am the girl my ex left another woman for, she happens to be a sociopath and a stalker, so the "you are just jealous because I have your man" from her or "she must not be over me and is going crazy" from him and "she is upset because her family was broken up" from friends...when I don't even feel any of that at all! I'm in a new relationship and I love my life. It's insane.

Yes i was called all of those things. After the discard....but fortunately by then the people he was saying that to didn't believe him because he was hiding from the police. But much like you, I was very angry because I knew it wasn't true and couldn't believe that was what he was saying after everything he did. That was difficult for me. But in the end what else was he supposed to say about his behavior. When the S knows that you were not the one to cause problems what other direction do they have to take than to make you look like the crazy jaded woman. I know I was fortunate that my S sunk his own boat so badly that people knew. I also know that if that wasn't the case that I would have handled that so much more badly. Please hang in there.

Mine didn't call me names, and many times he praised the things I did, such as my designing, art work etc. but if I gave artwork as gifts he would tell me that was stupid.

I never understood that..my art was good enough to look at but not good enough to sell or give to friends? Weird..

i"ve been called uneducated, white trash, a stripper (I WAS NOT!), an alcoholic, a whore, a bad mother, etc etc etc and then after that he wanted to "work on the marriage".

I only recently realized that the majority of the things he said back then were projections. Now ALL of what he calls me are projections. I am not close enough to him to gain more information to use against me. SO he has to go with his own faults.

I was called jealous all the time, probably because he was screwing around on me just like my instincts wee telling me. why else would I be jealous ??? usually if they excuse you of being something they are actually telling on themselves for what they have done. the way I try to look at it now that me being jealous was only my instincts kicking into full gear and trying to warn me of something bad. its a gift not a curse so don't feel bad that you have instincts that work. who cheated and who didn't???

Exactly Bella! I became paranoid with suspicion. I was jealous and insecure - I knew in my gut something was wrong but he made me feel like I was completely crazy and losing my mind. He swore up and down for years he would never cheat, we went to counseling so "I would feel better and learn to trust!" and he even offered to take a lie detector test to prove he wasn't doing anything wrong!

Then I found the evidence, not only was he having a long term affair, he was cheating "on her" with several other women. I found all of her emails to him and facebook messages. Unbelievable. I have no idea where he found the time, he was with me constantly and I was a primary care giver to his son for 5 years.

I honestly believe he could have passed the lie detector test, he was just that good at fooling EVERYONE, including himself. So sick.

my first husband ( my daughters bio-father ) did the same disgusting things to me. I to found my evidence that ended that marriage. there is nothing worse than a man who blames you for something they are doing. I mean seriously how sick of a mind game is that. to put you down knowing fully you are innocent and they are not. to me its betrayal at its worst. it took me a long time to realize I didn't do anything to deserve this but I see it for what it is now. don't waste a second of your emotions on this type of person, they are spiritually empty and void nor deserving of your kind heart. walk away and don't bother looking back they will not change once they have done this to you. never. and you will never forget.

I was accused of brow beating him because I caught him out on inconsistencies on numerous occasions. He said I was a control freak. He loved every minute of my instability and mistrust, because it kept me off balance and made me easier to manipulate.

I've been called some shocking names ... *slag* being perhaps the most derogatory (in my book). And all because I went out with my friends to a gig (that he wasn't invited to) and I might have been having a good time without him.

All of it is bullshit ~ we deserve better!

Thank you! I REALLY appreciate all of your responses. I've been letting your words settle in and process in my mind. I don't understand why I was so hung up on this one issue. Through this experience, I realized that words can sting a person but I will try not to let what he said "infect" me any longer.

Maybe this is part of their gas lighting technique? Another tactic to make you think you are crazy even though they were the ones who were lying, cheating, betraying, and manipulating.

Bella - You're right. Instinct makes you confront an uneasy situation. I'm glad I confronted him (as I had directly done so with him on a couple of things he said to me previously). I guess what's over is done with now. I will try to see the experience as a gift.

Yup, yup and yup!!!