Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Just got thinking about some of the P's quirks, or warning signs that you may have thought nothing of in the beginning but looking back they make more sense. Some I've noticed:
-dead eyes in his pictures- many of his pics are with other women and he always has the look of death in his eyes. A cold blank expressionless stare at the camera. (some have mentioned this in previous post)
-The sheer number of photos he has with other women. He went to a sex expo and had his picture taken with all the models. He has photos with all of the women he has ever dated (save one or 2) on his facebook. First thing I did after blocking him was delete all my photos of us from facebook. He still has all his photos with me on his. He also has photos with all his other women. Of course they were all "just friends"...riiiight. Things given to him by other women he still has. He's a collector.
-He couldn't come up with original nicknames (except for "crazy") so he would copy the nicknames I used with him. He had a hairy chest so I started calling him "fuzzy" and he turned it right around on me and pretty soon was calling me fuzzy...wtf. I started calling him chocolate (because he was dark skinned and Mexican) so he called me chocolita. He could not think up anything original on his own. I thought this was strange at the time but didn't give it much attention.
-Everything he asked me or talked about was always in the context of a friend asking or him telling a story about a friend. I am 100% sure all of these stories referred to him. When he gopt angry at me one time he said his friend was angry at me.
-Walking him through the concept of "empathy". How would you feel if I did _____ to you like you did to me? (ex. cheating) Him: I really couldn't say. Me: Oh come on, you'd freak out with jealousy, you'd be mad as hell, and probably you'd kick me to the curb. Him: "No maybe not. I can't say." Half an hour running in conversational circles like chicken with my head cut off. Me: *DUMBFOUNDED* I give up.
- Same pose in almost every picture he has. His poses are planned. When I would take pictures of him he would look at them, tell me how bad they were and demonstrate to me exactly how I should take the picture so that the background was all perfectly lined up and him in center in his usual pose. Also when not in the usual pose, he often had pictures with women (including me) where he was in a strangling position with them, his arm around their neck and pulling back on them as if to strangle them. He did this to me often and often the strangle hold was tight enough to hurt my neck.
-He covertly communicated through songs. He was always posting love songs on his FB but they would never be directed to me or anyone specific so any one of his love interests would think it was meant for them. His whole fan club was constantly liking every song he posted. But I also noticed a pattern. He would re-use the ones that really worked in certain situation. Nobody goes around reposting the same songs over and over again but I noticed he had a specific patterns when I went back a couple years in his facebook. When we would get in a fight he would post a love song on my facebook (which of course no one who wasn't my friend could see, so none of his other women would know) and I started noticing he would re-use the same songs on me because they worked on me once before to get me to forgive him. It's like he had a specific list of songs to use on women.
Any of this seem familiar? Or anything that you've thought of that was weird, quirky, or creepy with your P that you realized after?
-dead eyes in his pictures- many of his pics are with other women and he always has the look of death in his eyes. A cold blank expressionless stare at the camera. (some have mentioned this in previous post)
-The sheer number of photos he has with other women. He went to a sex expo and had his picture taken with all the models. He has photos with all of the women he has ever dated (save one or 2) on his facebook. First thing I did after blocking him was delete all my photos of us from facebook. He still has all his photos with me on his. He also has photos with all his other women. Of course they were all "just friends"...riiiight. Things given to him by other women he still has. He's a collector.
-He couldn't come up with original nicknames (except for "crazy") so he would copy the nicknames I used with him. He had a hairy chest so I started calling him "fuzzy" and he turned it right around on me and pretty soon was calling me fuzzy...wtf. I started calling him chocolate (because he was dark skinned and Mexican) so he called me chocolita. He could not think up anything original on his own. I thought this was strange at the time but didn't give it much attention.
-Everything he asked me or talked about was always in the context of a friend asking or him telling a story about a friend. I am 100% sure all of these stories referred to him. When he gopt angry at me one time he said his friend was angry at me.
-Walking him through the concept of "empathy". How would you feel if I did _____ to you like you did to me? (ex. cheating) Him: I really couldn't say. Me: Oh come on, you'd freak out with jealousy, you'd be mad as hell, and probably you'd kick me to the curb. Him: "No maybe not. I can't say." Half an hour running in conversational circles like chicken with my head cut off. Me: *DUMBFOUNDED* I give up.
- Same pose in almost every picture he has. His poses are planned. When I would take pictures of him he would look at them, tell me how bad they were and demonstrate to me exactly how I should take the picture so that the background was all perfectly lined up and him in center in his usual pose. Also when not in the usual pose, he often had pictures with women (including me) where he was in a strangling position with them, his arm around their neck and pulling back on them as if to strangle them. He did this to me often and often the strangle hold was tight enough to hurt my neck.
-He covertly communicated through songs. He was always posting love songs on his FB but they would never be directed to me or anyone specific so any one of his love interests would think it was meant for them. His whole fan club was constantly liking every song he posted. But I also noticed a pattern. He would re-use the ones that really worked in certain situation. Nobody goes around reposting the same songs over and over again but I noticed he had a specific patterns when I went back a couple years in his facebook. When we would get in a fight he would post a love song on my facebook (which of course no one who wasn't my friend could see, so none of his other women would know) and I started noticing he would re-use the same songs on me because they worked on me once before to get me to forgive him. It's like he had a specific list of songs to use on women.
Any of this seem familiar? Or anything that you've thought of that was weird, quirky, or creepy with your P that you realized after?
Now I remember all those times where he was looking at me - always from a distance - studying me, and detaching himself from the situation. Now I know he was never there.
I responded as if he was speaking to me, for example, inviting me to come for the weekend (as one favorite song lyric did), but he was just typing meaningless lyrics. He would not point out my misinterpretation, rather he would repeat the lyrics. Imagine meeting someone on a dating site and purposely communicating in a code they cant possibly understand. Then sitting there and feeling smug and superior while you mess with their minds and emotions.
Sometimes the lyrics did express something real. For example, he foreshadowed his intention to absolutely destroy me--from the very start--by continuously sending me the lyrics to procol harum's song, "Still there'll be more." He didn't credit this song, either, just constantly sent a few of the lyrics. Then a few others: http://www.metrolyrics.com/still-therell-be-more-lyrics-procol-harum.html. He would send lyrics that didn't fit the conversation instead of answering my questions, or communicating in any meaningful way.
The day after we met in person, he kept sending me a youtube of Delbert McClinton's "Starting a Rumor" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fM8FhW5sKhc When I saw he had posted it on his FB, I fully expected that he would mention my name with days. But nope it never did happen. He would repost the video, every few months, but never mentioned me. About 10 months into our relationship, after he had sworn his forever love, he sent me the effing youtube, again. He was always going backwards as if he had forgotten so much as my name. This is because every woman really is just one of many. They may forget where one fits into the game.
This might be a good place to mention that they are always defriending you from FB, and claiming an FB software glitch, and/or deactivating their FB. This is because they have to keep their women separate.I was with the P 3 years, 2 of them living together, and he never mentioned my name on FB, never posted a photo of me. In fact much of that time, I was not even his friend on FB.
On our first Valentine's Day, he broke off our date (we lived 70 miles apart). Instead he sent me this song by Nick Lowe, http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-trained-her-to-love-me-lyrics-nick-lowe.html. The man tells the woman he was just playing a cruel game with her heart. I told him I didn't believe him, and he swore six ways from Sunday it was the truth.
I have read that many psychopaths communicate in song lyrics.
Yes. Lyrics and poetry ring bells for sure. They often don't actually tell you things, but they put them "out there" in ways that you're meant to "get" and that are usually meant to hurt you. Other people may not realise the significance of what they are giving out, but you do. It`s a way to covertly hurt you while everyone else is oblivious to the evil that is right in front of them.
On the lack of originality, I once sent one of mine an ecard online, that I had picked because it had one of the things he said was his favourite on it. In response, he sent me the EXACT same card back. I thought it was weird at the time, sort of like, "Couldn't you be bothered to even look for a different card that would be of something that I might like?" But this was a dual message: he really couldn't be bothered, and he was showing me by sending the thing that was his own favourite back, that the only person he cared about was himself. That proved to be true as time wore on.
Great list of signs! xxx
Another thing in common was they were both filthy people. We covered that in another post.
I've definitely seen them turn around the same exact things on me. They can't be original in their insults or anything else.
I wasn't around the 2nd one long enough to really feel out any of the strange issues he had. I never saw his house and only went on 6 dates with him before he raped me. Most of what I learned about him came from background searches and talking to his 2 exes and ex coworker afterward.
AgentSmith mine drove super carefully. He always said he didn't want any "trouble". He had a terrible driving record in his own country and he ended up paying off the DMV there (it's a corrupt country, anything can be bought with enough money) to give him his drivers license back. He knows if he wants residency here that he has to have a clean record, nothing that could possibly result in denial. I hope my report to the immigration office is enough to screw up his plans to stay here permanently. I wish all psychopaths, socios and N's could be sent to an island and bombed.
I AM SORRY is the name of the poem and his letter started like this:
Every time I see the pain in your eyes
A little part of my heart dies
No matter how hard and how often you try
All I seem to do is make you cry.
You risk so much and take such chance
To share your heart and your romance
You share your hopes and dreams and fears
And let me in to all that's dear
All I seem to do is be mean and cold
To fail to cherish, fail to hold
I seem to fail to put you first
You act your best, I am my worst
My mouth contradicts my heart
My actions and thoughts so far apart
I love you with every part of me
Yet act so cruel and thoughtlessly
I dream of you all night and day
And hang on every word you say
Yet all you see is selfishness and arrogance
Casual disdain and ignorance
Assumption and judgment and every thing's a test
No matter what you do you're always second best
No matter how hard you try it's never enough
I never hear your protestations of love
I say I love you and cherish all of our dreams
Yet act as if I can't hear your screams
Of need and want and stability and trust
My plans never materialize, my promises rust
I scream at myself at how stupid I am
For risking your love, for risking your hand
And I pray every day that you never see
That I need you more than you need me
I bare my heart and my soul to you
To say sorry for what I did and for what I do
I have no excuses and hide no more
All I can offer is my love for evermore.
Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/i-am-sorry-6#ixzz3FfciHys5
Family Friend Poems
I haven't been the same. I don't think I'll ever be.
I will not shut up once again
If you do not say anything.
Long ago our love is suffering
Because you do not give anything.
I'm tired and wait for your change
I am fed up, all my details, my touch
And my body does not touch your soul
I think You have secure,
You think that I love you madly
But I want to tell
It's over, yes sir.
I'll go without bouncing is time to end this torture
Fatal fire that burns my soul
I'm going to go step on you, you do nothing but think of yourself
Metal skin, I do not miss you.
I will not wait another day
I do not want your crumbs
Stay your dreams, your promises and your time you will be required
I'm tired of waiting for a change I am
Very very fed up
All my details, my touch and my body does not touch your soul
I think You have secure,
You think that I love you madly
But I want to tell
That it's over, yes it is.
I'll go without bouncing is time to end this torture
Fatal fire that burns my soul
I'm going to go step on you, you do nothing but think of yourself
Metal skin, I do not miss you
Projection much?
According to him I had a broken mind, I had cheated with two or three different men, I was a slag, a horrible t**t, a malicious bitch, a poisonous bitch ..and more. This is him!!! I will never know about the cheating. I never was unfaithful to him, he was into porn though and two weeks after I left him he joined a sex dating site. On father's day our phone bill said he rang a prostitute. It's all my fault apparently.
We are so glad to have this sickness out of our lives, these men are screwed up beyond all help and wanted to destroy us. We have courage, we have love, we are out of the darkness.
Everything was my fault, too, for him going behind my back and talking to other women. I was so screwed up in my head that I stayed away from everyone, including my family. I never talked to any other man. I always felt that I had to prove myself to him. That I was only interested in him, and I would prove it...he didn't care. He would accuse me of cheating and going on sites to talk to other people.
I was doing my homework research one time, and while I was doing my research on the Yahoo page, a story that caught my eye interested me. I read the comments, and there was this really screwed up joke about "Mexicans" ((...I'm Mexican...lol )).
When he got home from work, I remember feeling excited to share this joke with him so that we can have a laugh. He asked where I had heard that joke, and I told him I had seen it on a Yahoo story under the comment section. He didn't find it at all funny.
The following day, I received a Google Plus invite to a chat on my Gmail account. I have no idea what Google Plus is...or why he was inviting me to a chat. I passed it up as it was probably an accident??? LoL
He gets home, and he's upset of course. He started accusing me of talking to people on line, and how he found my Gmail account in a chat room. That's how I knew that joke!! --I was like, 'What!'
I explained to him, again, how I came about that joke, and how I just wanted to share it with him so we could have a laugh together. I never thought he would go to that extreme. Anyways, several months later, I found him talking to other women on that Google Plus account. Curiosity got the best of me, I guess...I found out! I was pregnant, too.
Why is it that it's worse when you're pregnant??? He seemed to have planned to make me miserable my whole pregnancy. I shared with him how I wanted my last pregnancy to be the happiest, and I told him how I wanted to do many things...he ruined that. I mean...HE made sure I was miserable! That I know.
I found him watching porn, too. He said that reason he was watching porn was because I was pregnant, and he didn't want to have sex with me and hurt the baby.
LMAO! I fucking hate him!
It's very weird with my ex, I met him I was blonde a size 8 and he systematically chipped away at my self esteem over years. Withholding sex, watching porn in secret (I got that 'off' feeling that he was emotionally distant)'. Isolating me from my friends, refusal to compromise, the honeymoon periods after the rounds of abuse were so sweet that I stayed.
I'd never seen him so abusive as after the birth of my child. The last three months of my pregnancy were the only nice times, he doted on me but only because I was unable to move due to health worries and was lay on a bed listening to him for all that time. Strange isn't it that during the entire course of my pregnancy he never once even questioned if the baby was his.
I never realised anyone could be so abusive, after my baby was born that was a new and terrifying atmosphere of worry and fear. He was great for the first week she was born then old patterns started to emerge. He had a bad day at work, the baby was ignored, I couldn't listen to him complaining as I was busy with her so I got ignored. He spent an entire afternoon photographing his model soldiers (he set up lights and backgrounds) when she was three weeks old. He took a few photos of her in hospital (to show his parents) then didn't bother much after that.
She was no use to him, that's how I saw it, it was behind closed doors so he didn't have to pretend. He asked for sex three weeks after I had a c section, he never forced me or pressured me but I was worried that if I didn't oblige he would cheat or ignore me. He even asked if I wanted to do it doggy style, wtf??!! I could barely move, I was exhausted, I had severe anaemia and by that point hadn't had sex for about five months. He wouldn't have sex with me when I was pregnant.
Of course hormones were everywhere too. What creeped me out was that he would talk strange to me during sex like he was having cybersex. Which he probably had been doing, he kept all that under wraps when I was pregnant.
I think his jealousy was mounting as our daughter grew, by the third week he realised she was taking up a lot of my attention. He never came out and said that but he joked about hurting her and was laughing when she got startled. She was only three weeks old when we had been talking to his mother about going out in the car for a trip to the park. I said i was worried about taking her out as she was so precious and what if another driver ran us from behind? She had a car seat but it was a worry as we lived on a busy main road with blind bends.
He said he wanted someone to crash into us, he'd be claiming from the other driver ....! What was worse his mother just said 'if you get hit from behind it won't just be whiplash it will be a broken neck for this baby' like she was telling him that he had burned toast or something. WTF. That stuff scared the shit out if me, I couldn't drive due to my section, we lived in the middle of the countryside far away from shops and my family. I was dependent on this man!
Fuckers. Emotional terrorism. I write this post having woken up from another dream about him, always him. Flashbacks, words, fears, I grind my teeth so bad my dentist had to make me a gum shield for my mouth.
Of course, it could be worse. We could still be with them. Our babies are safe. God bless.x