I don't believe psychopaths can truly know what happy/joy is or win. They seem to be missing so much in the emotions department, that joy, trust, and love are missing also. I think they continue to move on easier because one-they likely had a mate on the side anyway and two-they aren't looking for anything real like we are looking for. My ex would be happy with big boobs and not stinky, seriously.
I can't move on yet. I promised I wasn't going to let it be a competition because I have more on my list of requirements. I do not want an unhealthy relationship again . If he/she has moved on already, they haven't moved on to love, but another victim.
I feel like I am building a new life because I am working on not repeating myself and looking for patterns I need to avoid. Who knows how long it will take. I actually have bigger fish to fry with working through trauma from my childhood. Someday I will reach happy/joy.
(Oh, and I might be back tomorrow with a completely different outlook and totally lost, but today is a good day and I'm going to try to have more.)
Good luck in your journey.

I'll start off by agreeing with you. I've come a long way, but I have far to go before I'm ready to take the risk of letting someone else in. I'm not lonely, I've got two very young men that take up much of what I have available to offer. What they have to give back in return is more than enough.

I've loved before her, I'm certain I will again. Never like her though. They, by their nature, have a way of taking our best efforts, highest hopes, wishes; the prime of our life, it seems. That's how it went for me. 10 years, right across my 20's and 30's. What do I have to show for it? I have excellent investigative skills. I have confusing, cloudy memories. I have a brick wall where trust used to be, PTSD, depression or whatever else they want to call it. I have far fewer friends. I have a bad taste in my mouth where my romantic philosophies used to be. I also have these two amazing young men who love me and look forward to learning from me each day. I have my integrity. I understand who I am I bit more.

Spiritually and emotionally speaking, an S or P can't grow. They wouldn't if they could. That kind of growth requires that (without blame and shame) we look inside.

I win!!! She's found another victim. She's playing the same game. Her whole world is physical and superficial. Her smile is painted and calculated. She is only a shell. Without the heart, without a spiritual and emotional core. I couldn't imagine telling someone 'who' I am without starting there.

If having another victim, another host to survive off of... If having friends that will only last until they get to know you... If having 'this is mine' as the closest thing they will ever experience to LOVE... If that's winning, then I quit! I wouldn't want any part in that game. I'd rather struggle with a real life than spend it luxuriously in her delusional fantasy.

Life is suffering. We come in to the world crying. We can't help but attach ourselves to ideas, things, and people that will not be there one day. That's just the way it works. I don't think I'm here to find a way to not experience all of that. I think I'm here to experience that, to love, to endure, to carry on, to experience it all, to find beauty in it all, and to provide a better life for mine than what I was dealt.

I have a ways to go before I'm ready to win in the 'get the girl' sense, but when I do, she'll be glad I took my time ;)

something you need to understand is his relationship with this "other girl" is not a happy wonderful relationship. how happy do you think she is when he cheats on her with you, then goes back to her again? and god only knows how many other woman he has cheated on and with. this 'other girl" is not happy. you know what she must be feeling inside and living with every day of her life. wondering is he going to leave her again for someone else, is he going to come home at night? is he going to pick a fight and disappear again?? nutelina that is not a happy way to live or a happy relationship. that other girl probably lives in a daily hell of her own. you just arent standing there seeing it for your own two eyes. your on the outside looking in and things are not always as they seem to be. sociopaths love to make everyone thing they have this perfect life. to make people jealous, to inflict pain on their partners, to put on the mask and parade around like they are living a wonderful life. they are not. they dont feel the things we do, happiness, love and compassion for the person they are with, they feel mean and hateful and if that is a good relationship or one you want to have you need to read some more about sociopaths, because if thats the kind of relationship we get to choose from i would rather be alone forever. yes im alone, no i dont always like it but i am not questioning my sanity anymore or wondering when he is going to go off into a rage and be a jerk, i am learning to be ok with me first. something that should have been done years ago. youve got to be ok and love yourself first so that when men like this come along you know when to run away. there is nothing wrong with being alone. take this time to know you and what makes you happy, dont ever settle for someone who lies to you or cheats on you and dont blame yourself anymore. sometimes in this world the kindest people get hurt the most, i dont know why but its the way it happens. dont change who you are inside just be very careful who you allow into your beautiful heart next time. that is the lesson the universe is trying to teach you, thats the only way i know how to look at it.

walking, That is very true. Psychopaths don't know true happiness. I love this comment: "My ex would be happy with big boobs and not stinky..." When our hearts are still invested, it hurts us to see the p move on. We imagine they feel all the things that we imagined they felt for us. But all they really feel is, "Oh goody, goody, goody, I get to play my game again."

And Chris, I love this: "Life is suffering. We come in to the world crying. We can't help but attach ourselves to ideas, things, and people that will not be there one day. That's just the way it works. I don't think I'm here to find a way to not experience all of that. I think I'm here to experience that, to love, to endure, to carry on, to experience it all, to find beauty in it all, and to provide a better life for mine than what I was dealt."

That is so true. Everyone pursues happiness as if it the ultimate prize, the trophy everyone gets who wins the race. It just isn't true. Modern psychology is almost built upon the premise that, if we are not happy, we are doing something wrong. Fortunately, my therapist is wise beyond psychological models. We are really here to work hard and learn concepts like the one you have expressed above. And make peace with these truths.

I was talking to a man on a dating site (I do this mainly as a distraction), until he said to me, "I try to have fun in everything I do." I am almost allergic to concepts like that these days. Perhaps overly sensitive. What I am doing right now, coming to terms with a loss, is not fun. But it is life. If I ever have a partner, again, I want one who can be present for things that are not fun.

And bella, this is true: "There is nothing wrong with being alone. Take this time to know you and what makes you happy, don't ever settle for someone who lies to you or cheats on you and don't blame yourself anymore. Sometimes in this world the kindest people get hurt the most, i don't know why but its the way it happens. Don't change who you are inside just be very careful who you allow into your beautiful heart next time."

But see…..what I mean is that these P do not have any feeling and…..in the end….what's the big deal ? They do not suffer……they are luckier. Not saying they are right but they are happier than us

they have feelings just not the same as us. anger, rage, boredom, etc. more the negative side of things. i dont believe for a minute someone who cant feel real love and compassion is happy. you need to understand that they are empty of love and beautiful things in life we sometimes take for granted. they have needs and they will do anything to meet those needs no matter who they hurt. they are run off their own selfish wants and desires and most of those are twisted. would you really want to be like one of them. leaving nothing but destruction in your path? what about karma? do you believe in karma? i do. and if they dont get theirs in this life ( which i think they do ) then i believe they get it in what ever happens when we die. i couldnt live with myself knowing i did nothing in life but hurt people who loved me , i wouldnt trade living like them for anything even if it means always having someone around. cause thats all they are doing. they are not lucky and i believe they suffer in many ways not having normal emotions. they are only happier than us if you are defining happiness with being in a relationship. that in itself does not bring happiness. they dont even really feel happiness, they feel boredom so they go out and destroy people.

I may be damaged, but I'm pretty happy. I'm married to an amazing man who treats me like his queen, who I've been seeing for more than ten years (we met when I was still dating psychos.) It took me awhile to get over the trauma to the point where I could entertain the idea of a "normal" life. But one of the things he loves about me is that I'm not a doe-eyed ingenue, I'm someone who survived some messed-up people and still has a sense of humor and a desire to be a good human (on my better days anyway.) So, you know, it sucks that these monsters from your past are moving from one partner to the next as it suits them, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a future to look forward to.

Oh, and by the way, most of my exes are single. They go through a lot of partners but can't keep them. My dance card is always full, because word gets around when you treat people well (my husband and I are polyamorous, so we still date.) Sociopaths have to keep moving to keep finding communities where their reputation isn't shot. My first full-blown psychopath, the one I dated when I was 16, still writes me (I'm almost 30) and begs me to marry him because he is so very alone.

I do absolutely understand what you're saying about them being "luckier". When you're hurting, the idea of not having emotions seems awesome. The reality is that theirs is not a good long-term social strategy. Ending up in jail, with a string of divorces, or with angry people hunting you down is not a recipe for happiness, even of the superficial variety.

yes sometimes i feel the same way you do right now nutelina but in the long run , you dont want to live like that. you have a beautiful caring soul and thats why it hurts so much right now. i do understand how you feel when you say it would be easier but i dont think in the end its very full filling. the ones i know live with demons inside of them. thats not happy. give yourself some time .

My S used to taunt me about being alone when she left, before her boyfriends money fitness and health all ran out and she came back...Faith keeps me grounded that integrity and selflessness still matter . I believe being both competent and moral are the foundations for self esteem. Get your eyes off your ex and take care of yourself. You need to heal. The best revenge is a life well lived. Life will get better whether you find someone, or not.

I'm trying to move on…..but what I do is keep thinking and thinking….

start to read about sociopaths so you can understand more about why you feel this way. it will help you not to just think. its what i had to do when i thought i was going to die. i know its hard but the answers are all in educating yourself about the personality disorder.

I'm reading a website of P….they write about themselves……it's shocking!! SHOCKING!!! Seriously!!!!

We won't all end up alone. It just feels that way. In the depths of the hurt, we are totally turned off thinking about dating or romance. After all, the fake stuff just hurt us. When we're "lucky", we become numb, but that is distressing too, because then we feel damaged as we realize we are not feeling what we should.

I know I really never intend to remarry. And truthfully I wasn't too sure about dating either. I made no move to make it happen.

But it did! I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who is far from a N/P, really the opposite in many ways. So, it does happen, even when we still feel too damaged to imagine it. I am damaged, but I am much better too. Maybe all the damage will heal, maybe it won't. But life can go on well.

I think many others I have heard from and about find love later too, after they have done the good work of understanding what the #%*& happened to them and learned how to look for more healthy relationships. They just move on and often no longer come to these boards, so we don't hear about them as much.

Eventually, we end up with fulfilling relationships romantically and the Ns and Ps don't. And we end up with good family relationships, and Ns and Ps don't. Bottom line.