It's a good idea to always keep cool as they thrive on any kind of reaction whether it's positive or negative. However, I suggest, alongside your coolness, try to expose his lies so those people would know what he's really like. P hate being ignored and exposed. So do both! Good luck!!!!

The problem with that is they are more like his friends. They would not believe me and it'll make be look bitter and crazy. How can people talk about you behind your back and think themselves as the decent ones?

It's the age old story of the S/P and their minions. I think the friends or
minions are probably more on the S/P spectrum of things and get off on
scapegoating. There is not much you can do, except accept it as an ugly
facet of human behavior, and know you're not alone.

I had the same thing happen to me twice, once with a neighbor and again
with my SIL. The others piled in and seemed to relish my outcast status.
Some of the stories came back to me and most were either completely
fabricated or contained a small innocuous portion of truth. That's how
they operate, and I'm afraid our stories are as common as dirt.

Find people who are kind and who believe you. Invest in your life and
never breathe a word about your new endevours to this group of friends
lest they tell your ex, as he might try to find some way to sabotage you. Just
think of yourself as a celebrity on the National Enquirer--It's all a bunch of
BS and only small minds are interested in such petty gossip.

Good luck and (((((hugs))))))

the best reaction is no reaction ... he wants you to kick off and confirm his crazy stories .. don't give him the satisfaction. I am personally not a fan of revenge, but I do believe it is a dish best served cold!

betrayed,

this has happened to me more than once with my s. i know you want to scream this isnt true but dont, you will only make yourself look crazy and that is what and why he is doing this to you. i dont know why they do this but most of them do it when the relationship has come to a halt. the people who side with him are not your friends and you dont need them if they are going to listen and believe his lies. this will be the hardest thing you have ever done but if you dont respond and dont try to fight back people will see you are not nuts because you arent. if you act it could just verify the lies he is saying about you and make him look like the victim instead of you. it hurts and its hard but getting revenge is very difficult and people will belive what they want to believe. screw them. you know the truth and thats what matters now. unfortunately this is just what they do because they are mentally insane. try hard not to react, put a smile on your face and try just act normal as you can considering it hurts cause he wants you to react to justify what he saying about is true. your not alone and most of us have been thru this so just hang on and after awhile they will start to wonder if he was ever telling the truth and he will look like the ass not you. be careful with the revenge part for now. im sorry he is doing this to you just try to remain calm and act like your just fine. even if it is an act it will back fire on him sonner or later and again for those who belive him are not your real friends and you dont need them in your life. good luck and keep your head up high you did nothing wrong!!!!!!! hugs bella

Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I cried last night for the first time since I separated from the S. I didn't cry before because I was so angry and I wasn't crying over him. I was crying because I felt like I was being bullied and because there is so much injustice. I met all these people through my volunteer work and this is what I get for being a charitable person. It's so unfair that I would have to change what I do.

Right now I just hope I will never run into these people again so I can move on.

you ARE being bullied betrayed ... you need to grow a thicker skin lass (sticks and stones et el ..) and not let these people get under your skin. Easier said than done I know but don't let them add insult to injury by being spiteful .. I'm so sorry to hear that you are so upset by this! I firmly believe in the laws of karma, so stand on the sidelines and watch, you will eventually see these people fall .. and when that day comes ... shut the door in their faces. (metaphorically or otherwise).

Personally, I'd prefer the *otherwise* option! :)

betrayed912,

Bella is so right. I know you want to scream and expose to the world what a crock your ex is. But the truth is if you did, you would fall right into his trap. He wants other people to think YOU are the crazy one, not him. So as frustrating and upset as it is, please take the high road and resist all temptations!! Don't give him the satisfaction!!
I know it is hard and humiliating, but Karma is a bitch.
It might not hit him now, but he will get his ass bitten eventually.
(((hugs!!!!)))

Good advice from everyone here. Annoyed to hear that your exS is talking lies about you, betrayed! And like has been said, if these people choose to believe him then they are not your true friends. I understand though- I hate that we know what they really are and no one else does and we're the ones who are made to look crazy and weak. I agree with the other posters in that the best option is to let it go and let karma deal with it. This is what I'm trying to do with my situation. It's frustrating but it's all we can do. Trust the universe/god has your back!

The stages of grief are an odd thing aren't they? I've spent the first 5 months after my breakup in constant tears. It's only been a month or so where I've started getting more angry at my exNS and less sad for the loss. Seems to be opposite for you at the moment.

I particularly like bettybean's advice so thanks for your post. I have to deal with hearing about my exNS through work and I'm sure nothing nice has been said about me (if anything) so going to follow that advice. It is like bad publicity for a celebrity- but the people that matter to you won't choose to believe it and that's what matters!

I just realized that these are not some silly lies. These are criminal acts that he might have accused me of. I think he went to the head of our volunteer organization and told them he suspects me of acts of pedophilia, among other things! I did some volunteering with children this weekend and I noticed strange behaviors towards me. I know it sounds farfetched but I think he's trying to get me kicked out.

That, unfortunately is one of their modus operandi, they loved seeing people
getting booted out of groups. If he is still part of that group, it might not even
be healthy for you to continue to be part of it.

They will say and do all kinds of insane things; I had a neighbor go bats**t
crazy on me and then go around the entire neighborhood telling everyone
she was afraid of me. Everyone believed her, because no one could imagine
that she'd make something like that up.

They are toxic and capable of making up the worst kind of lies. A lot of people
will take a pass on getting involved too, as they suspect, rightly, that the
toxic anger might be directed at them next. So you can expect that bystanders
will leave you flapping in the wind. It sucks, but unless you have an ally within
the organization, I don't know if there is much you can do.

Take heart though, it's not you, it's them. This kind of thing has happened to
a ton of people. Good luck, I am wishing you the best with all of this. I
certainly hope that it works out in your favor--you don't deserve to be treated
like this.

No, I will not leave the organization. I have nothing to hide. I didn't do anything wrong. It will make me look guilty if I leave. Plus, I won't run into him because the organization has a variety of numerous locations.

betrayed im so sorry you are going through this. It must be really horrible knowing things are being said but not being able to defend yourself because you dont know exactly whats been told.

Personally i would ask one person among the group what is being said about you. If they dont tell you, then its probably because they know whats been said isnt true but are embarrassed that they were active in keeping the lie going.

Anyway best of luck and i will also be printing off many of the replies in this post as there is alot of really good advice being given.

what I would do in those circumstances is approach the head of the organization and say that it has been brought to your attention (don't accuse any one person directly) that certaiin individuals may be making derogatory comments about you. Explain about your relationship with the sociopath and if it ended acrimoniously then I'd slip that in also. Something like ' I hope he isn't saying anything out of term because the whole situation is upsetting me and I'm thinking of seeking legal advice'

I wouldn't stand for someone saying things as damaging as paedophile etc .. his ass would be in court so fast that his feet wouldn't touch the ground!!