maybe he is using them for some reason and pretending to be their friend?maybe it is to annoy you// THEY do like social attention from groups of people so maybe thats it.i think each psychopath is different but i dont think they ever make friends with people that they dont get something from, like to help their reputation or other thing. i know one psychopath who does have friends over decaes but he uses those people too for certain image and work reasons, even sometimes borderline slavelike... but those people might be tricked.

that guy on the news this week in ohio who kidnapped the women, he had tons of long term friends in the neighborhood, people loved him described him as a charming friendly nice guy they let their kids hang out with him, he was very popular socially,in choirs,had outdoor barbeques with neighbors, offered to tutor neighborhood kids... but in the same time everyone admired him and was friendly with him he had the 3 girls locked in his house and torturing them. so yep psychopaths can have long term friends, they are good fakers at being the nicests and most friendly.

Oh, God, that´s horrible!

it is terrible, thank g-d those women were found and they can start their lives over. horrible week for news stories. but yep another reason to be careful theres all levels of psychopaths and some go crazy and will kill or commit horrible crimes . i think tho, only their victims get to see the jerk side of them. so maybe only the women your ex bf dates will see him as a jerk.

Some keep 'friends' by being 'helpy helpers' so their facade is stronger. That way when the women (or men) they screw over tell other ppl, their 'friends' run to their defense. However, these types of N/S/P's complain all the time abt helping their 'friends' (behind their backs, of course).

I like that phrase "helpy helpers". I got to know a psychopath pretty well and
she was good at giving calculated gifts. They were very cheap, but needed
and so appreciated. She was also very flirtatious with men and women alike.
She'd use both tactics to start up the service pipeline that suited her own needs
be it for her reputation or some kind of expensive service she wanted done
gratis. Most people she didn't hit too hard and these remained "friends"
basically acquaintances. Some she sucked absolutely dry, because she
really needed constant help and attention to keep up her facade of effortless
efficiency and knowledge. These lucky lucky friends got the discard.

Hmm...I don´t know about that "helper" thing....my ex was pretty cheap with money...maybe helper in an emotional way....he is the kind of "best friend" type of person to whom any person would confide in. He doesn´t verbally abuse or in any obvious way, he seems pretty accepting of other people and can be pretty supportive and encouraging....but it´s all highly manipulative!

I can tell you what is going on here Sunny. Its nothing to do with friendship.

Remember when you were with him, he had to know EVERYTHING. Super snooper?

Its like that.

Remember that they only fear two things

Fear of exposure
Fear of losing control

By keeping them close (which we know will be a false fake act from the sociopaths perspective) - he keeps you away (which is a form of control). Additional to this, he is keeping them close in case you ever chose to expose him.

He has probably already done the whole (YOU ARE CRAZY) - he is Mr Nice Guy remember - whilst you have distanced yourself.

Which in his mind proves, that he is the nice guy and you are the crazy one.

Remember for the sociopath everything in life is a game. That is how he sees it. its like one chess operation. He might also know that staying in touch with them would piss you off too. Which is another cheap scoring point.

They are that ridiculous!....

Oh, God that´s terrible, but possible! Another thing that was very weird to me was that not only he stood friends with our mutual friends but he was also starting friendships with my other college colleagues through Facebook! (They weren´t mutual friends) He also shortly dated my college colleagues´ sister! I was like, why is he doing it?? But, you´re probably right, they are batshit crazy!

My ex is still friends with everyone we had in common....I blocked each and everyone of them from FB because I felt that he had them all brainwashed into liking him...so of course, they are going to be against me and for him. I totally left that part of my life behind me. Had to go no contact with everyone. I got out with my daughter and I have no idea what kinds of lies he made up about me. I wasn't going to stay in contact with our "friends" to find out.

Oh, I should mention that my daughter and I have been safe from him for 2 years now. Last summer was a nightmare in that he used our little girl as a pawn to gain a wife, but the courts were onto him from the moment they met him. The judge ordered no contact with us until he seeks psychiatric evaluation----he always swore he would never undergo psychiatric eval....of course not---he knows he's messed up!

I am so pleased that the judge believed you salted mocha. This sounds like a pattern my ex would do too.

I know with the last one, he got himself onto his ex girlfriends tenancy - telling her that his daughter would go and live with them, so he needed to be on the tenancy. she lost her home when he didn't pay the rent.

He also sold me that line.

It is quite sick how they use their own children in that way :( I am sorry you had to lose your friends though - but sometimes for peace of mind that is all that you can do.

I think a good part of it is revenge and winning. If he keeps the friends, then he "wins" and you "lose". He will think he looks better in their eyes. Or if you both keep the friends, at least he is not slighted. And it it makes you uncomfortable and distances you from them, then he gets revenge and wins over you. He further isolates you from the people in your life. And it's maybe entertaining for him.

Helpy helper. I had a sociopathic boyfriend ( many) but the latest I have no contact with. I remember though his friends were people that were nice and he worked for them it was always a utilitarian relationship. He would be a little helper to worm his way into peoples lives and then start manipulating them making them feel obligated and get ready for the "hustle".. I would tell people this ahead of time but they would fall for it and then complain to me about he owes me money etc etc. They didnt want to listen they had to get burned by him themselves

@Gigi: Sounds like we had one of the same xNs. Oy!

My Helpy Helper xN and I have A LOT of mutual friends, but I have known them for 20 years longer than he has, so his smear campaign against me totally backfired on him after I went NC. He still attends more of the gatherings than I do bcz I don't have much free time, but when I do go he gets all bent out of shape and leaves bcz he can't handle the fact that my friends and I are actually REAL friends....something he will never experience bcz he has no real feelings for anyone except himself. I am cordial towards him like I would be towards any stranger. At first that was difficult but now it's no big deal. He's like the knat you just know will show up to the picnic.

hmm...my ex once told me that he does not care about his friends and they do not care about him yet he was always hanging with them & spending time etc. He also tried to convince me that my friends did not care about me and that I shouldn't care about them. He told me that I was "too nice" and I needed to be more like him (so ironic). Sociopath's are extremely two-faced & don't know the real definition of a "friend" . They use everyone around them even their own family