Just to agree with the good adwise you already got. It takes a long long time at least for me establish the no contact. It was like my whole beeing could not belive he didnt have any sort of humanity in him. I met him twice and that was devastating. My recovery was set back for at least 1 month each time. one time he acted like the great gay again. I was close to be suckt in again. It is unbelivebel after 12 years.
I
read here on this forum about this many times but had to learn the hard way. Everything will be used against you so DONT tell anthing about yourself to anyone close to the preditor. The faster yu learn abouth
this personal disorder the more everything makes sence.

My phone is in a mess , will continuing a bit later on my pc.


Glad you found this forum. It is so good to hear from people who have been into the same and dont haany

Everyone here is spot on Pendra.

Fisk is on it NO CONTACT it will only set you back.

Huge Hugs go easy you are not alone.

Pendra,

I agree with the advice you have been given as well. Also, please take care to listen to what Fiskelbollbukta says in regards to not sharing any information about yourself with those who are friends or even acquaintances with the predator. These types (P,N, S's) are experts at extracting information from others. I learned this lesson the hard way and have had to cut close ties with most mutual friends an acquaintances because of it. Some of our mutual friends did not even know they were being played by him to extract information. They end up sharing what you have told them inadvertently and it all becomes a big mess you have to navigate.

Yes a big mess. Almost imposible to navigate into. I read this about no contact very early, but didnt understand before Learning the hard way.

The point now Pendra is that it is over. No more victim. Enjoy your freedom and revel in it!. When I left psycho, I didn't even know what clothes I liked!! Didn't know who I could trust, or even know my own mind!! But now I just love being able to do exactly as I like. It is wonderful!! Go for it! Forget him and all his horrible memories.
Be Happy!!!!!

It usually takes a long time before we can start to enjoy again. If you are at a point you can do this , it is great for you. The worst that was said to be in the start ( and still now) is just be happy, you are out of it. Forget everything. This is not how it Works for the most of us. It is a long way to go, and it has to take its time!!

Last Message was to jojon.

Fiskebollbukta,
I agree with you in that it takes a long time to heal from the abuse of a psychopath (at least a year). To be brutally honest with Pendra, I don''t think that it's possible to enjoy anything while you recover from that horrendous abuse, at least initially, because you feel so overwhelmed by all the strong emotions that you experience at that point of the ordeal (hurt, anger, disappointment, etc.) that you become numb in the end, as if your heart couldn't take it anymore. I remember that for many months after I realized how I had been abused I would sit at my piano, play a piece for a few minutes, after which my mind would wonder off because I couldn't feel anything, even though there is no greater source of joy for me in life than playing the piano. I kept many orchids at home, which I love, yet when they bloomed I wouldn't even look at them. I had become numb, and I remained in that state for many months.

Like Rae wrote above, I think that Pendra is now in the shock phase, the very first phase of the recovery, wherein you sense that you have been abused by a monster and awaken to the painful reality that the person you gave your love to is radically different from whom you thought that person was.

Pendra- are you still around? It's been a few days since we heard from you- Want to make sure you are ok!

Hi Pendra!

I very much sympathize with you and know where you are coming from.

If you enjoy reading, here are two books which my therapist initially suggested and they helped.....somewhat.
I agree with everyone, that it is a long process, but slowly you will get there. BELIEVE in yourself and NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP.

Here the books:
http://www.amazon.com/Whos-Pulling-Your-Strings-Manipulation/dp/0071446729/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400180713&sr=1-1&keywords=who+is+pulling+your+strings

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Healthy-Choices-Relationships/dp/0310200342/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400180756&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries+in+dating

BIG hug to you! :)

Yes, I'm concerned about Pendra too. Please let us know if you are online.

Pendra, It is not only that we are thinking of you. We have been there and that makes a difference. You are into Our hearts not only in Our minds.

vesuvius, very good reply. Yes it is shock. I woke up several months thinking it was not true. Really could not relate to that this was reality. before I had only heard about People beeing in that state.

Thank you for all your replies and your perspective, it makes such a difference what it terrifying is let level on which i still miss him or long for him, like at addiction, isnt that sick x