The smear campaign is common. Been there and done that. By the time the first P did this no one believed him because he is such a douche. I don't care what he says to anyone because if people believe that crap I know that it is short lived until they understand. He cannot hold a mask for long so it sort of amuses me. My child's father (the 2nd N) is the one who bothers me. He has said many untrue things about me in order to take away blame from himself. He has to look ok in other's eyes, to keep that mirror image of a good guy reflected. He does this with people that do not know me. I understand WHY he is doing it and again it is interesting to watch him do this because it is so disordered. He may not know why he does these things but I do....I know him better than he knows himself....how is that for power? While it does not affect MY life, it will affect our son's life which is worse. But the only reason he does that is because he cannot have any effect on me, he cannot hurt me in any way, other than to hurt our child. So he uses his kid to get at me. That is a special kind of messed up. Sad thing is, if I played his game and gave him ego points, if I accepted his stories as truth and never questioned his lies, he would probably have stuck around for his son and been a Dad. We planned this child together. So it a round about sort of way....it is my fault that he is not there for our son. I was not willing to live in fantasy land and he was not willing not to. Hence the smear.

Well said Live. Though my child with the N wasn't planned, like you, I am sure that the biggest reason my ex turned his back on our son is because I wanted him to be dad so badly. The only the ex could hurt me was to deny my child a father. I grew up without an active dad so it is a touchy subject with me. Yet the ex was immediately on many websites listed as wanting more children and having only one (he has 4).
In my case the ex tried to manipulate me into dropping my support order. "I'll only be his dad if you stop the order". I wouldn't do it because I knew he was full of shit. Any person who innately wanted to be in their child's life would never let.money be a deterrent. Also, if he really wanted that he could have taken me back to court for visitation and a reduction in his dues. He told the judge he had no interest in being in this child's life. But, like you, I feel.some guilt still that maybe if I did let him have his money back that maybe he would be a dad. So in ways, I feel responsible for dad's absence as I took the money. But after two years of him trying to manipulate me into dropping the order, and I was close, the OW contacted and I learned that the last two years were all lies. And I also learned of the incredible smearing he did of me in order to not look like a bad guy, deadbeat, Loser, irresponsible and horrible person .

I don't feel guilt for this. I know who I am and will never live in lies and fantasy again. I just recognize that if I was willing to....then my son would have his father. I guess that I am pretty "meh" about the symptoms of PSN. I no longer take their behaviors personally. Everything they do has to do with them and their disorder and nothing to do with me. It is rare that I hurt over this because I may as well be a couch or a car that they destroy. Nothing personal is right. They try to make it that way but it doesn't work in my world anymore. I know too much about them for their game to work anymore. Sort of a cold attitude from me isn't it????