Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD), they cut themselves - its a common sign. They can be emotionally up and down and also manipulative. They can have ups and downs of emotions and a lot of it has stemmed from abandonment, especially in early childhood.

I haven't read your history so ...apologies if i am wrong, but BPD lept out at me, from your initial post.

thank you

I agree with mayan... although they're taking BPD out of the latest DSM from what we were told.

alijoezack... no contact.

These relationships are like addictions. I wish I had better advice but no contact, some deep self-reflection through blogging and me moving away from my ex were the only things that worked for me. :-(

And this group, of course!
But the biggest success-maker (and coincidentally the hardest one to accomplish) is the "no contact rule".

I don't know what the abbreviations stand for..she has been hospitalized

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Alijoe .. in short ... a book that classifies mental disorders. Everything from drug related disorders to Autism to Psychopathy . they are all in there.

I hope you are not feeling guilty about her becoming hospitalized .. if it is a mental health hospital .. it sounds like it's the best place for her. You can't help her .. look what it has done to your own mind so far ..

I really need to change my phone number if I want to stay sane. she texted me last night saying she was in the h hospital. I asked what happened so she called asked me to come and I said I would after work today..wrong answer.many hours of evil angry texts.she says she almost died but they let her out today.next minute she wants play nice and go for beer. I said no.she then starts calling begging she needs me.I didn't answer haven't heard anything else thankfully..I am exhausted

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. Its common for them to self harm.

Sociopaths rarely self harm (unless there was something in it for them) they don't usually harm themselves. Just others.

But its a tricky disorder too. They can switch emotions. Blow hot and cold. Love you one minute not the next. Can fear abandonment and rejection. But they often self harm.

Its not a good person to be with. They also idealise and then devalue. Making you feel worthless.

I am so sorry to read that you are going through this. I know the pain and hurt in your heart,when it hurts so bad you want to rip your heart out.

I don't know whether you have also looked at co-dependency?

I think sometimes what happens, is that we go into a relationship, once it is abusive, they take parts of us, they isolate us, so without them we feel we have nothing and are alone.

Because we feel that way, the emptiness and sense of loss that we feel without them (read the thread on no contact) can seem absolutely overwhelming. Especially when they have been bombarding us for a long time. It can feel easier and less painful to stay with them, than to leave.

But what you do have to ask yourself is do you want this level of hurt and pain for the rest of your life? Is this how you want to live your life, forever?

If she is a self harmer. She will likely continue to self harm, whether you are with her or if you are not with her. Because this is how she copes with her inner pain, to self harm. I strongly suspect borderline personality disorder.

If you want to leave. As hard as it feels to do so, especially when she is self harming --- we are right here with you. Walking your pathway with you. Many of us are new to No Contact and also feel that intense pain of either leaving or trying to leave.

Even if you try to leave, and then fail, we can still be with you, when you try again. If you need support we will support you :)

Hi,

Definitely Borderline from what you're saying of her. I have been diagnosed with "Borderline features" in the hospital and I used to behave similarly to what you describe (on a much more minor level). You do not have to be nor should you be her "savior". She is not ever going to learn, especially not if you enable her and let her treat you that way. If you love her then do what's truly best for her and walk away. If she threatens to harm herself, don't run to rescue her, call the police. That's what someone did for me, and it seems cruel, but for me it was a wake up call. Unlike sociopathy, Borderline PD can be improved with the right kind of therapy but you have to be firm, distance yourself, and let her know you care but that you can't live like this and she MUST get help. There will be a lot of explosive emotions, frightening pleas for sympathy, but giving in and staying is destructive for you both. There are many books on having a relationship with a Borderline that will help you.

It's (major) pathological attention seeking .. when they click their fingers .. we are meant to come running ... god help you if you don't ... ! Maybe you have set the precident for enabling this behaviour in the past, without realizing of course, but when she has behaved in this way before .. you have danced to her tune .. now you are not playing fair in her eyes because she has learned which of your buttons to press when she wants you to jump!

My ex did the whole spectrum of human emotion in a few hours if I ignored his texts (in the beginning) .. from nastiness and verbal profanity .. to 'I can't live without you' to pity play 'You've ruined my life' to crying and threatening suicide ... oh god .. my heart bleeds for him! At the time, it was quite scary and these ranting, rambling messages really messed with my head .. but when they happen these days (much less) I don't even read beyond the first few words . and I never reply.

Replying draws you into a never ending circular argument with them where nothing gets resolved because you know you are right (in your heart) and they just twist and bend the truth, and blame everything on YOUR behaviour (ironically) until you are so frustrated that you feel worse than before. Don't buy into this nonesense .. do not respond .. and sit back and watch them get angrier and angrier .. more verbally abusive ... and then maybe switch to love bombing, then crying .. it's all a facade .. to draw you back in.

Changing the dynamics of the relationship will cause the mask to slip .. loss of control is something that they fear .. changing how you react to their tantrums .. will enrage them!

I have blocked her number and am praying that she doesn't come looking for me. I'm wiped out emotionally.going to start taking care of myself

GOOD FOR YOU! :)