Alijoe, i am so sorry you are going through such pain. It sounds like you have had quite a roller coaster ride. Take some time and do some self discovery. I am doing that now in my situation and even though i backslide quite a lot i am taking baby steps forward to a better life for me. There may be very little that you can change about this situation but you can change your participation in it. Post and talk to people here. Walk through your feelings on this blog. It will help you see more clearly. Unfortunately we are all too familiar with being called crazy. What i have found is that it is nice to talk to people who have gone through a lot of the same. It makes you realize that the only thing that is crazy is the situation you are in.

thank you both for your advice. I know I need walk away. she can be so sweet one minute and telling me all my faults the next. she drinks heavily daily and I can't go down that road again.she has been through he'll and it blows me away.the only way I got the strength to leave my last abuser was with help of police. after too much talk of killing and hurting and sexual abuse I finally got help.I slept barricaded for long time. I know he will be back.he went away to jail. and this one will probably drink hetself to death

She sounds like she has serious abandonment issues Crikey! Her behaviour is detrimental to your self worth. She is dragging you down with her! You are quite clearly addicted to this woman (and the drama she creates), if I were you, I'd do some serious reading on trauma bonds and Stockholm Syndrome to try and understand this unhealthy attachment.

Knowledge is power

thank you i will look up that information. had a very rough night but didnt go pick her up as she requested from a bar. within minutes she repeated everything she had said night before about how mean i am and self centered and how she cant allow me in her life because i create drama. she was cruel i shut my phone off and havent contacted her today.

You have connected to a charismatic nutjob ...

http://victimsofpsychopaths.wordpress.com/traumatic-bonding/

Withdrawing from abuse can feel the same as withdrawing from hard drugs. It is no easy task, believe me! It's a harmful addiction. You may ind that it takes you many times to completely break away. We have all been suckered back in against our better judgement at some point.

Most importantly, educate yourself on the behaviours of the disordered. Protect yourself from their mind games and manipulation. I wish you luck!

im very sad today. i feel like im the one with the emotional problems. i couldnt even talk she had me so distraught because she was sobbing and begging me not to abuse her. then as soon as she knew i wasnt mad it was all my fault. i dont get why i dont just walk away when i know something is wrong instead i turn into a nut case myself.

alijoe, remember the further you get away from this madness the clearer you will see what you need to do for you. You are worthy of true love and not insane antics. Keep standing and do not give in. It really does help and gets you to a point where you feel your strength coming back. Take care!

Yes, through projection i have found so many things out about my S.

I dont care what disorder she has, she is unhealthy. the best way to honor her is to not ENABLE her. I dont think se is a N persay, I think she is more an addict. (from the very small amt of info read).

thanks I haven't had any contact with her in a couple of days.talked with a friend last night whom is an ex of hers and really helped me open my eyes.I'm sad but staying away..counselor recommended blocking her number.

Alijoe you are not responsible for her appalling behaviour, no matter how much she might try to make it your fault. Sociopaths are very good at that .. shifting the blame onto others .. you may hear something along the lines of 'if you listened to me more I wouldn't fly off the handle and smash the place up!' (just an example but something along them lines). In a nutshell, dumping all of their shit on your doorstep! Do not listen to any of it .. you are not responsible for someone elses life, and least of all their shortcomings, no matter how nice a person you are, you must learn to draw a line when someone is abusing you.

What is important, is your own life, and you have quite clearly been through a traumatic time, so you can expect that the road out of this mess will be as rocky as the road in. It is early days for you alijoe, you will experience many symptons that feel almost like drug withdrawal, you may even relapse, and find yourself back in that abuse cycle again for a while (it happens to the best of us) .. but you will ultimately find your way back here at some point when the shit hits the fan again! Its all part of the process!

I owe this board, and the people here so much, because when I first came here I was nothing short of an emotional wreck. But I have stuck with it, through some of the worst emotions, especially when I finally had to face the truth of what a nutjob I had lumbered myself with! And how much of his behaviour I had condoned and made excuses for. When the pain of the ultimate separation passes, you will find some clarity again.

I wish you luck x

I really do appreciate your advice.this site has been a godsend the last couple of years

I didn't hear from her in a couple of days until last night.she called to say that she was sorry for making me cry. and that she has been very destructive without me.she was very drunk. I didn't be my usual mushy self I just listened.she messaged me tonight and said she needed help and I didn't reply

I am sorry to read that you are going through such a rough time. I haven't read your story, as not been around for a while, so apologies if i miss things.

I was just thinking have you also looked at borderline personality disorder? They can have similarities to sociopaths but are very different.