Detach yourself emotionally from people who you feel are having a back handed *dig* in your general direction. Some people are just insensitive, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are a psychopath, but you should remove yourself from close proximity all the same.

Family and friends find it hard to understand what you have been through. It's something that cannot be fully understood until you are faced with the evil. It's frustrating for people because you complain about the behaviour and then in the next breath you are going back for more .... they don't understand the mental torment. And so, for them, it is much easier to dismiss it ....

Your friend sounds like a complete tosser (by the way) .. good riddance to bad rubbish eh? 8)

manyrivers--I love your "complete tosser, good riddance to bad rubbish" Thank you. That gave me a much-needed smile. Hugs!!

richie, I hear what your saying very well, we are called the scapegoats of the family , it happens a lot to the youngest child but doesn't have to be , could be who ever the family decides is the one to pic on. we are usually very emotional and that is considered to be crazy... I still don't get it but know that I will forever be scared from that label and the treatment of my family. ive constantly told im screwed up and after awhile you just believe it. I don't know if I have ever had or ever will have much self esteem in my life. Ive tried to believe in myself but when the input is always negative it kind wipes out any positive comments you try to tell yourself. I don't take it as much as I used to I even went 4 years without contacting my family a few years ago. ive just now learned to stand up for myself when someone makes their comments about something ive done in my life. it feels good to look at them and say shit right back to them about how I personally liked some of the choices ive made and i think they are just jealous. it kind of throws them for a loop and keeps them quiet for a minute. ive often wondered how one just acquires self esteem at a later age in life when it wasn't even a basics while growing up? who knows

I've been told the behavior is a reflection of themselves not us. In my case my mother wants to control everything and go everything to appear perfect. She's afraid of what others think and if I'm not perfect it a bad reflection on her. I have to decide what I want from this relationship to have no regrets. I think that means when she hurts me I need to take the time I need to process it and deal with it and then let her know her behavior was wrong/hurtful/innapeopriate. I need to put up noundRies and continue to be honest and tell her this is her issue not mine and I won't be dragged down. It may be one thing if thier being critical was helpful but it's not in any way just damaging.

Damage that's it. These people are damaged and probably from someone that should have love and protected them. I know my grandmother is the reason my mother is the way she is. She told me recently she had never experienced love and affection from her mother, she was never told I love you. She had to learn how to be affectionate when my sister was born. And sadly they continue to damage others in thier life. Also there is no tribe mentality. That was one thing my ex had I was envious of. No matter how much they shit on others no matter how irresponsible they were how bad they were they stuck up for each other. It sounds like we all experiences the opposite of that - that our parents treated is like strangers - talked to is like they didn't care about us because we had no meaning but we should have.

My mom send me a card with a letter in it. The first sentence said so sorry I don't know why I said what I said. And I stopped reading because it sent me into a breakdown again. I'm not ready for apologies I want to lick my wounds and focus on positive things when in ready to deal with it I will. This will be on my terms. It should be our decision what to and to not accept

I guess they didn't care I'm fat or were disgusted because I was called back for a plant tour and to meet with the CEO.

Bella, if you ever figure out how to overcome being torn down as a child and learn how to build self-esteem later in life, please share. I've been working on that for a really, really long time. It's like a house of cards...I think I'm doing much better...then along comes a little shake and down it comes.

There's always this nasty little voice in my mind that tells me I'll never get anywhere, not really.

We're not alone, I've met a lot of people in my life who had the same problem...for the same reasons.

miz d, way to go, I hope you get the job !!!

Richie, I hear exactly what your saying. I think sometimes im doing good to them blam , I feel like ive gotten no where in the self esteem dept. ive been seeing an associate of my dr. lately and he asked me yesterday about the self esteem thing and he even agrees its something you are taught in child hood and very hard to acquire as an adult. I try to see that little kid in me and not the adult, and I try to be good to the kid. I mean what could that little kid have done to anyone to deserve to be treated like crap?

As a child - no child deserves what you went through, or what Richie or any of us who experienced crappy parenting experienced. YOU DID NOTHING. As hard as that is to believe, our parents were the adults and failed in their responsibility.