I'm watching this youtube channel right now by someone named Scapegoated Daughter. Her story is similar to yours. Her mom is a narcissist and had her involuntarily put into a mental institution for 5 days by claiming she was a drug addict. Her family is absolutely nuts. She records all the phone calls and posts them on youtube and it's truly nuts. She has tried to get away from her parents and lives a private life with her bf, and won't let her parents know where she lives. Her dad stalks her, calling constantly, leaving threatening messages that he's going to find them, going to kick the bf's ass, filed a missing person report, calls them every name in the book, etc. Her parents spoil their other child, this girl's sister, including buying her a brand new house and mercedes.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz2nEiLErDCE43QCcfEwtcg

Thats what i was afraid of.
That you would think i have a mental illness.
Its just a series of bad luck.
I do have people i can trust but i cant talk to them about this topic.
They wouldnt understand.
What do you think i should do about my therapist?

It is quite possible to exhibit signs of paranoia when you have been victimized, and to feel like everyone is out to get you. I was abused a lot in my family growing up. I was the scapegoat and my sister was the golden child. I was always being singled out and bullied and punished for everything under the sun, despite being an overachiever and not doing anything that would have legitimately gotten me in trouble. Constantly being treated like that by my parents, and watching them lie to find reasons to punish me, and watching the tell people I was this trouble maker, and watching them literally make things up to punish me for, caused me to feel like a caged animal. And there was as point where I felt they might try to poison me or something. It will make you feel extremely paranoid. And when you're a kid, you literally have nobody to turn to. Everyone is going to believe your parents and assume they are looking out for your best interest. I had police and child protective services side with my parents, despite my split lip. I begged people for help. I called tons of hotlines, I called family, I begged coworkers, I went to school and tried to get administrators to help. Nobody would. They'd literally watch my parents show up and physically drag me to the car and take me home to abuse me some more. It's like a horror story. And it's the story a lot of children live.

The only thing you can do is get the fuck away. If you believe you are sane and they are not helping you, get the fuck out. Move away. Find a way to make it on your own. Do not turn to them for help. Do not try to get them to admit they are psychopaths or whatever it is you think they are. Nobody with a personality disorder is going to admit it and side with you. Just remove yourself entirely from the situation. It's not easy but it's the only way.

I got the fuck away at 18 and have been on my own ever since.

I agree. Looking back on my life now in my senior years, I can see that the best thing that could have happened would have been if I left home and tried to make it on my own. I've spent most of my life entangled with my father's craziness...first as a child and then as his caregiver and housemate after my mother died.

It's almost like I never really had a life of my own. Now I'm plagued with all these mental problems that come from sustained and severe abuse.

The only way to deal with a psychopath who controls you is to run. Anything else is just denial.

I had the same type of childhood as AgentSmith. the only difference was only my mother was crazy, though my father was afraid of my mother and went along with her mistreatment of me--most of the time. . My sister was the golden child, and I was the scapegoat. In fact, we were both honor students, well-liked, worked full-time AND did school from age 15. We were BOTH great girls. My mother lied and smeared me to everyone in town, my relatives, teachers, her friends. No one believed her. No one. I never drank, did drugs, neither did my friends.

My mother told everyone she didn't know what to do with me, I'd gotten in with a bad crowd. I was a drug addict, prostitute, crazy, according to her. (I was a virgin.) My employer, co-workers (adults), teachers, pastor, and friends' parents all supported me in every way they could through high school. 2 different firends' parents harbored me in their homes when I left home in my senior year. One of these parents was the city mayor and an attorney who went to the bank to help me get my money that I'd earned working full-time for 3 years. He discovered it was in a guardian account owned by my mother. My pastor counseled me for free for years.

In later years, teachers and an aunt told me they had reported my mother to authorities. My aunt and uncle had looked into adopting me. My grandmother skipped my mother, in her will, and left my mother's portion to my sister and me.

I guess it is hard for me to imagine a family and community where a child has no one to turn to. Especially now that the subject is out of the closet. It was not openly discussed 45 years ago when it was happening to me.

But yes, if this is your situation, you have to get out. I lived in parents homes, and a rooming house until I graduated high school. I moved to a city the next day.

Kris, I am still unsure of what my mother has. Although my dad chose to abuse me and not my sister, he didn't pay any other attention to me. And my mother was really the one who chose the golden child role for my sister. The reason my dad didn't abuse my sister may have been because of how strongly my mom favored her and he knew she wouldn't be an easy target like I was. But for her to so openly favor my sister and shower her with gifts and obsess over her till this day, there has to be some issue with her. I'm just not sure what it is. She was never violent, never name called or anything overt. Her abuse was really of the covert, neglectful nature. She always finds a way to put down whatever I've accomplished or am proud of. But my sister has that same complaint of her. My sister was outright mean to my mom while we were kids but my mom adored her regardless. On the other hand, I was the people pleaser to everyone, trying to get them all to like me. But nobody did. I sort of wonder if that's why my mom chose her and not me. She was used to being abused by her father and my dad and preferred to try to gain affection of someone openly mean to her. Codependency. And that's what I suspect. Since I was always nice and caring and the people pleaser, I was too easy. She wanted the challenge of trying to get someone who was mean to her to like her. I don't really know. I mean that's kind of what I do with men. I don't pay much attention to the nice ones who give me attention. Instead, I chase after the assholes who treat me like shit, hoping to gain their affection if I work hard enough for it.

My parents did the smear campaign to me too. They told everyone I was a delinquent, acted like I was a whore (I too was a virgin until after I moved out and was in my first long term relationship). I also worked from a very young age, 12, to gtfo of the house mostly. And I still went to school and made good grades. Never got in trouble at school or with the law or anything. Never tried drugs or drinking. But to them I was the worst kid on earth, destined for nothing in life.

My grandparents did try to fly me here to rescue me once they found out about the physical abuse. But my dad told my grandpa that if he tried, he'd have him arrested for kidnapping. So they gave up. I literally exhausted every single resource and was even looking into lawyers for emancipation but had no idea how that worked or how to pay for it. I mean it's hard enough to navigate the legal system as an adult.

As I understand it, this is still the way it works. CPS is completely useless. When you hear these cases of children dying of abuse and neglect you usually find out that there were multiple calls and maybe even investigations by CPS and nothing was done. I know now there is an underground railroad of people who will rescue kids from these situations, at the request of a family member, and take them into hiding. That seems to be the only thing that would work.

That's horrible, Agentsmith. In reality, I was stuck in my situation, mostly, too, because I did not want to get my parents in trouble. I did run and hide before I was of legal age--18--but I never contacted authorities. I did once at age 18, when I returned home to pick up my clothes and belongings and she would not let me in the door. I went next door and called the police. A nice officer arrived, and told her he would stand by the door while I picked up my things. I walked out with armload after armload of clothes. She complained, with every one, "I bought those clothes!" (A lie.) He said, "Did you buy those clothes for yourself, ma'am? Do they fit you?" LOLOLOL!

I do agree CPS is useless. I lived next door to a woman who beat her kids--her kids were friends of my kids. I called CPS and they did nothing. Nieghbor on the other side told me she's called them many times.

Yes, ketland you have to leave, if this is what is happening to you, but until you are 18, authorities can drag you back. You could try applying for emancipation status. I believe you would have to become self-supporting first.

I believe ketland is over 18, according to her profile.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my friend at work, another HS student, saw my busted lip and told me she wasn't allowing me to go home and that I was staying with her. So I stayed at her house that night and spent the entire night calling hotlines, trying to find help. The following day I continued my quest to find help, desperately going everywhere I could, begging any adult and making desperate calls to my grandparents, 1000 mi away. Next thing I know, I was picked up by police for being a "runaway". The cop drove me back to my house, where my dad was home alone, despite my desperate pleas with him, telling him I'd literally be killed if he left me there alone and telling him to look at my lip and letting him know that I had called CPS and everything. He didn't give the slightest shit. He treated me like I was some sort of criminal. You're really lucky that you had a cop to side with you.

Well, I was 18 when the cop sided with me. The law was on my side. My "city" was 25,000-30,000 people. I think alot of them had heard the story of my family. One of my dad's brother's was a cop--I believe chief of police, at some point. Years later, I visited one of my dad's sisters, who talked about how they were often asked to babysit my sister, but never me, and they never saw me--even in July (in Ohio)--not covered neck to ankles to wrists. They believed I was beaten, but were never allowed near enough to check. I know I was, as my mother used to whine to her own mother that she HAD to beat me with an extension cord because I would not hold still for a diaper change. My grandmother always looked at her hands on her lap during this. I suppose it was all she could manage. I was about 3 when I heard these talks. My mother was dependent and drove to her mother's house every day.

My baby book says, in my mother's handwriting and her green pen, "I don't want it! I want a boy! I'm not taking it home!" I was a second girl. She was/is crazy--still alive in CA. My sister moved back to Ohio, partly to escape her.

It's a terrible thing when parents are unable to nurture a child for whatever reason. The child's only recourse is to get out.

I see how many of us have ended up partnering with the same type of person. The sooner we got out, the better, but the damage is still done.

Being born into a dysfunctional family is a burden we can never lay down. My mother didn't want me, that was clear. My father did, but he wanted an athletic boy and I was very uncoordinated. So they grew disinterested in me and I feel into the hands of my unbalanced sister.

I knew what it was like to be disbelieved about being traumatized, too. Sometimes it seems like the whole world is against you. But it can be very hard for a young person to strike out on their own when they don't have the experience or self-esteem to cope on their own.

Seems like the ideal thing would be to have community resources for people who need help getting free from bad situations...just a helping hand to get victims of psychopaths and abusers on their feet...instead of just tossing them back into their abusive situations.

Agent smith, yes im over 18 and im a boy.
I would have gotten out a long time ago.
The problem is, like RichieD said, i dont have enough self esteem to cope on my own.
Im very depressed and very dependant on all the people around me.
Especially my mother AND my therapist.
I just dont know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry, I didn't even look at gender. Don't know why I assumed you were female...

You have to work on becoming independent. And if your therapist is a psychopath, he's going to make that very difficult and sabotage your recovery. Abusers WANT to keep you dependent on them. I live next to a psychopath who is married with 3 kids. His wife and kids NEVER leave the house. His wife doesn't work. His kids don't attend school. None of them have any friends. They literally do not leave the house unless he takes them somewhere. Isolation is one of their tools. You could always go to a shelter. Might not be the best place but might be better than your current situation.

I'll second what Agent Smith said about psychopaths and their need to keep their victims under their thumb. My dad did that to the whole family...did everything he could to discourage independence. He doled out money for specific uses, no allowances, forbid any of us from having part-time jobs, and did a lot of undermining.

He was always telling me that I was too weak to make it in life on my own.

I hope you find a path to freedom, keep searching for that. Even in my senior years, I still retain a lot of the self-doubt Dad planted in my mind. The longer you stay, the more those doubts take root.

I can definitely relate to that, Richie. My family was always telling me I COULDN'T do things. I couldn't fix my car, I couldn't fix my house (because I'm a girl), I wasn't going to finish HS, would never attend college, would never get a good job, would never have money, etc.

Those beliefs took root until my late 20s. Throughout my early and mid 20s I lived with constant doubt and nightmares of failure. It wasn't until I started my house, which was seen by the public eye and which I got a constant stream of compliments for the work I was doing (the exact opposite messages I was still receiving from my family), that I started to see that there were two extreme opposite messages I was receiving and that the smaller group of the two (my family) were the negative messages while EVERYONE else (who had no reason to lie or to even take the time to tell me ANYTHING) was saying the polar opposite. Then it finally started to sink in that what my family had always tried to convince me of wasn't true. And I'm sure part of those messages still remain, at a deeper subconscious level.

It's like getting sick from toxic water...first step is to STOP DRINKING THE WATER...if you can. The longer you drink it, the more likely you're going to have to live with horrendous effects...possibly for a lifetime.

I never did get away...I went from abused child to abused adult and abused caregiver. Now I feel really ashamed, but at the time it seemed like I was "handling" it. We can't change the past, all we can do is work on our present circumstance and warn others.

Building new experiences and accomplishments is the only thing that ever helped me overcome the undermining...but even after my father died, the voices of self-doubt never left me.