Oh you did too. Yes I think that's exactly the problem.....not knowing what that weird behavior come from. But now we know for sure, so it will be easy to recognize it if we will have the chance again to be in contact with another P (hopefully not).

I completely agree. The red flags were there but I didn't know they were red flags because they were out of context. It's hard to explain to someone who has not been through this as to why you overlooked the obvious. Inside the relationship it is not obvious at all. After the fact is when I started to see it but it still took a couple months. For at least the first month after my discovery I spent the time defending him despite the evidence......it is an awful struggle inside your own head....and sometimes still is because it can become to painful to fully process.

exactly, well put. in hind sight is were the truth showed through. and yes it is painful to process, i think thats where we go into a form of shock when we find out. its so unbelievable its hard to process verything all at once. we cant its to much. so little by little it will become more real and you come to accept what happened to you and slowly that shock wears off. i think thats the point that the healing starts to take place.

Nutellina let me give you an example of just how manipulative they really are.

I have had constant texts from him these past few days (maybe 50 a day) telling me that he's sorry for the things he's done, how he is not proud of himself, how he had stopped drinking and anything I wanted he would comply with, how heartbroken he is without me blah blah blah ... I was actually starting to feel like shit again over it all.

Last night I received a text that he sent by mistake (divine intervention I reckon) and was meant for one of his so called friends. It was extremely upbeat (?), arranging to meet him for a drinking session in town (?) Infact there was no sign of the heartbroken soul that has been literally trying to grind me down with his tales of woe this past few days.

I should not have replied (and I wouldn't advise it under normal circumstances but this was a special occasion LOL)I never pass up an opportunity to expose him by humiliation. I basically told him not to contact me again with his heartbroken tales of woe, and called him a manipulative fraud. He must have been kicking himself with this latest slip up and now he has suddenly stopped texting, vanished into thin air. (for now).

Its so funny because Im sure we could all recall red flags in hind sight and how the hell did we allow them to get away with it. Good grief, I feel like I need my head examined. I do not feel bad about being fooled though. I dont feel needy or less of a person or less intelligent for being fooled by my husband. I think they need someone who has something to offer to feed off of. And I have learned so much in this process. I mean, you dont know what you dont know. And I certainly didnt know crazy people existed like this.

Livintrtuth - your avatar makes me sad. I can relate to the pain in the eyes.

Live and Bella I can see it's a common thing than realize we DID have red flags.

Many.....lol!!! That was lucky to receive that text ....so you could have the confirm he was just manipulating you. but ......50 text??? Seriously??

Emysty I'm happy for you. You are right that if we don't know something we just don't know it but.......I didn't listen to my instincts when a voice inside of me was like "don't do it, don't accept him". Now I totally trust myself.....so maybe you are right that experiences change us and we learn......hopefully!