Hi all! This is bound to be a long post so bear with me. Hoping to get your thoughts on what I’ve been through with a guy over the past 18 months. I feel too ashamed to talk to my friends and family about this in more than tiny snippets.

Met on a dating app, Luke is a good looking guy but it turns out he is unemployed. Tells me he is on workers comp for alleged bullying at work. Seems like a nice guy who has just had some bad luck. however after a while I start to pick up that Luke just cannot seem to get along with anyone at work and as a result never holds down a job for longer than a few weeks. 

We talk for a few months online before meeting. Early on there were a few red flags in that Luke occasionally mentions other women he’s “talking to”, even so far as to send me screenshots of the conversations. Also, he puts off meeting up until I say I would rather end communication if we aren’t going to go on a date. At this point Luke insists on a first date. 

First date was great, although my gut instinct screamed “don’t trust this person”. I couldn’t put my finger on why. Many dates follow and it feels as though Luke has me on a pedestal. Tells me I am his “dream girl” and “wife material”(!). Seems a bit jealous and possessive when it comes to me hanging out with other men, and I honestly start to sense that this is because Luke assumes all women are whores. It seems as though this stems from his poor opinion of his mother, who left his father for another man. Quite often I feel Luke is telling tall tales as some of his stories just don't add up for me, however he laughs this off and says he just has an exciting life. 

Luke occasionally flakes out on dates, however had dropped the “l-word” early on. I find out eventually that he is a drug addict and had initially tried to hide this fact/play it down as recreational use. I am never introduced to any family or friends, Luke says he doesn’t really have any friends and has a rocky relationship with his family. Says he doesn’t have female friends, however seems to talk to many on social media. Luke sometimes sends me shirtless photos I can see were taken on Snapchat. I don't have Snapchat! I ask who he's sending these pictures to and he says "only you, I just like the filters on Snapchat."

I find out Luke was kicked out of his gym after allegedly sleeping with and then bullying two women. When confronted on this, he loses it with me, calls me all sorts of names then disappears for a week or so altogether. This becomes a recurring pattern of behaviour. I say something he doesn’t like or confront him over something, and he becomes incredibly nasty, calling me a “whore” among other things. Relationship becomes on and off, and this continues for a year. On one occasion, for example, Luke tells me "I would backhand you if you were here" via text. 

Fast forward a year and all of a sudden, Luke goes from being jealous and possessive to uncommunicative. I feel lost even though I know this person has treated me poorly. It somehow casually comes up in conversation that he’s been sleeping with other women for some time and when this comes up he tells me “don’t pretend you haven’t been sleeping with other people, I could tell”, cue abusive rant. I had in the past quizzed Luke on his relationship with certain women he was in contact with and he would always deny a sexual relationship or romantic connection. Turns out he doesn't use protection, so off I skulk to the doctor for an STI screen. 

This last turn of events occurred just last week. After which I called him a liar, I did also call him other names as I was feeling so angry and hurt. After which, this is the final text I receive:

"My brother and Dad are here cause I was not in a good place and they saying I have to block your number now cause they just read all the texts.

I gotta go. I am sorry I can't do this anymore but I will kill myself if I don't do something and I need to remove all these negative people in my life who just bring me down and all you've done for months is intentionally hurt me.

Bye Mary."

The part about his father and brother being there would 100% be untrue, and I've heard these mentions of suicide enough to feel that they are just a throwaway line used to drum up sympathy. 

One liners of note from Luke:

“I wish I could kill that dog of yours so you have no reason to speak to your ex.”

“I’m not friends with women. If I can’t get what I want from them, then I don’t talk to them.”

“I told you I was thinking bout knocking myself off cause I am tired of the world being full of s***c*** and what do you do? Continue being a s***c****.

You honestly deserve to be bashed to death.”

I feel as though I’ve barely scraped the surface in explaining this. What are your thoughts on this person? I cannot believe I got sucked into this awful, toxic relationship with someone who seems unable to be honest. I don't know whether or not he is a psychopath, but there is certainly something very wrong, and not just as a result of drug use (weed, although I found what must have been a crack pipe in his kitchen, and of course he laughed and said "no way, that's for something else"). I remember going to see the Joker movie with Luke. I rarely see him laugh at all, but he absolutely cracks up with loud laughter during several of the goriest killings. I remember feeling uneasy and embarrassed at this, wondering if I was inadvertently dating the Joker myself!