lovechild, Yes, psychopaths set out to get you. Please see my post about the emotions that psychopaths manufacture in their victims. For some reason, unimaginable to normal people, psychopaths enjoy inflicting pain, using and abusing the normal human emotions of others to torture those others and entertain themselves.

There is literally no satisfaction you can ever get in trying to communicate with him about your feelings. You feelings are kindling for his fire. For whatever reason, he hates rather than loves. You cannot reach him or change him. You can only given him fuel with which to hurt you by giving him any part of yourself.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Yes I know. Believe it or not I'm a mental health therapist with a doctorate degree and I even also teach this stuff at a college. How did I get fooled....I know how but damn in stings....

They can fool anyone if there is a big prize involved. I'm sorry. You will be a better therapist for this experience.

I understand where you are - trying to understand and make sense of it all. All I can tell you is read, read, read - gaining knowledge about SPs can be helpful. They love bomb because no one would fall for the "real" them. They cast a wide net and whoever gets snared in it is prey until they've had their fill and then they start looking for new prey. It's not about what you didn't have or didn't do or that you weren't enough, it's about the black hole that they are that can never be filled. They will never be happy, never be whole. "He loved how I made him feel until I needed something in return and then he abandoned me for the next." A healthy relationship is not one-sided. He has no clue what love is. He is only interested in his needs, his feelings.

So awful isn't it? And I had a kid with this man...of course against his wishes. He calls our a son a bastard.

Don't beat yourself up. You were lied to plain and simple. Many here are smart, beautiful (or handsome), accomplished women and men and not naive to the ways of the world, maybe even streetwise. We all asked ourselves how did this happen? If someone was trying to run a scam on us in business we would spot them right off and send them packing. Some came out of abusive childhoods and had some form of NPS as a parent and we came out strong and made good lives for ourselves. This is a crime that crosses all ethnic, gender, age, and socioeconomic lines. The one thing all victims have in common is they have a heart, they have empathy, they have compassion. This is where the SPs have the advantage because they do not possess those traits.

Yep..my dad abandoned me. Just like I have set my own child up for
Proud moment.

And somehow I still feel guilty that I "forced" this child on him. He tells me that and firmly believes it -so he feels no guilt in abandoning the kid. He has 4 kids. One was wanted and he's a good dad to that kid. I feel guilty that I'm taking lots of money from him for support. He brainwashed me into so many things. Everyone could see it but me. And while I was literally in labor - he was married and having sex with his employee. Class act.

I seriously doubt he is a good dad to one of his 4 children. He may do things with the kid, now, but that kind of coldness to his other children proves a lack of empathy. I would imagine he "plays dad" to the one he favors in order to punish the other kids and their mothers. That child is the one he will mess up the most with his selfishness, his posing, his lying, and his tresapssing upon that child to get, get, get for himself. That child is the one most vulnerable to inherit his psychopathic personality. Be glad he is not interested in your child. A psychopath focussed a child does nothing but eat it alive.

Interesting. I kind of agree. The OW told me that the ex SP would bring the one "loved" kid around her kids....and that the loved kid would have a complete breakdown. The kid would cry and throw a fit thinking that the ex SP liked the OW ' kids more than him. That was so weird and sad to me. Of course all the while he was bringing that one child around her kids - he was telling me he would NEVER bring any woman around his kids. Blah. I believed it.

And you are correct about him using that child. When I would go over to his house he would actually pick up pictures of that child and stare in awe - making sure I noticed - since he won't even look at our child. It's like he's obsessed with that one kid. And one of his kids is in a wheelchair - he sees them about twice a year and they live ten minutes away completely dependent on others.

Lovechild, having grown up with a psychopathic father I can tell you that your child is much better off without him. Be grateful he shows no interest in your child. Whether that other child of his is "favoured" or not, he/she will still be damaged by him. Between my brother and I, I was the "favoured" one, but I was still abused by him and the effects of that abuse are still prevalent in my life today. Almost every man I have dated has had P/N or S tendencies if they weren't full-blown personality disordered. Today my father is locked away in a psych ward for attempted child abduction. He tried making contact last year through my uncles on my mom's side of the family (I have cut off all members of the family on his side in addition to him). He told everyone he was dying of cancer and he had $20,000 to give to each my brother and I. Before his arrest he was homeless. How does a homeless man have $40,000 laying around? I call bullshit...but it doesn't stop him from trying. You may not realize it right now, but your child is blessed not to have this man in his/her life. Better off without a father than with a damaged, abusive, toxic one.

Oh my.... I'm so sorry you had to go through so much in your childhood into today. I'm sure the spectrum of pathology is grand and sounds like your father was severe. How horrible.

He didn't want children but didn't take steps to not get someone pregnant. Just shows lack of care and refusal to take responsibility. I agree you and your child are better off w/ out him. A good father is a good thing and you may still meet that person but kissing this frog will not turn him into a prince. Throw him back in the scum pond he came from.

Thank you. And as sick as I became in this relationship I actually terminated two pregnancies before I had the third. We both were reckless. He just didn't care if I got pregnant as long as he didn't have to step up. In fact I think he really liked when I would be pregnant. I was foolish to not use protection but I was so in love that I felt lost and wanted to be that close to him in a raw sense. Pretty shameful I know. I hope no one yells at me too much. I was desperately in love.