Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Today, I woke up angry! Angry that he took away some financial stability, took away the protection that I thought had, took away the provision I thought I had, took away my head laying on his chest as he held me while we slept. Angry that he took away the Steph-Dad my son's thought they had... Angry that I am again, all alone in this World! I have no earthly family here in the Town that I live, it's just me and my Son's. He gave me a family, he has 4 older Children and his family is huge! I loved all of it...All of him and he palyed all these terrrible games with my mind, body, emotions, and SOUL! I have Never experienced anything like this before.
One minute, I think I'm making progress, and the next I'm sad, mad, hurt and wish somehow I could've missed this Pain! You have to understand that I have dealt with pain from a very young age... I was molested at 5 through the age of 10, by 3 different trusted family members (Steph-Dad, Uncle, and my Father's girlfriend). When I finally got up the nerve to tell, My Mother told me I was lying and allowed my Steph-Dad to remain in the house with us. He never touched me again, but he would do creepy stuff, like open the bathroom door and watch me as I took a shower or was on the toilet. Since Mom didn't believe me about the Steph - Dad, I never told her about the others. From that her and I had a terrible relationship from that point on. I got pregnant at 16 and was told by her either you sink or swim. I was promiscuous, dropped out of School in the 10th grade to raise my Son. My Dad took off years ago, he got with another lady and left my baby brother and I to go and help her raise her Children. I have experienced broken relationships with men all of my life. At 26yrs. Old I turned my life around at the birth of my 2nd Son. I stopped being a hoe and focused on being a Mother. I realized tht my Son's and I had no one but eachother, I always seemed to get caught up with men who were emotionally unavailable. They would get what they wanted from me and discard me. Rejection and abandonment haunted me for years. Later on in life after a failed Marriage to my younger Son's Father, which was filled with him abusing
I took 6 yrs to get myself together, to get free of all that toxic garbage that I had experienced. Looking to become healthy and whole. I found me a Church Home with Sound Doctrine and a Solid Foundation, got deeply involved, My Son's and I were being Blessed beyond measure... Life was finally good! I was happy in my own skin, I had forgiven all who hurt me and went and told them. All except my Steph-Dad, he got killed when I was 13. But I was well on my way to a good life, a life filled with joy. drama free and love! I had excepted the fact that the Love that I was desperately searching for, I had it all along with God! I accepted His love for me and I was content. I was not looking when he found me. But he found me and he has again brought PAIN back into my life!
I prayed for the Man that he pertrayed that he was. He took good care of me, he was a protector, he acted like he loved my Son's ad if they were his own, he showered me with love and affection, gifts, brought the groceries, went went on trips together and with the boys, I told him all my secrets and he turned them on me.
Now he's with someone else, and I feel cheated! We prayed together every Morning, He went to Church with me, I mean I just knew that he was my forever... My Husband and it was all a lie.
Today, day 32 of No contact is not starting off great! So I pray, Father God!!! HELP ME!!! I hear you saying Trust Me! You are ALL that I have, so Trust You I will. A Mustard seed of Faith is All that I have. Grateful, that's all that I need!
Day 33. I will surrender from this day forward all Suffering thinking and turn inward ALL the love that I had for James onto me. I'm loving me now!