Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello everyone. Although I have been reading, I haven't posted much lately. It's been over a year since I went NC--one lapse for a couple of weeks when my new email account was hacked. He wrote to me this in late summer wanting to know about our child, the one I lost at 17 weeks. I did not respond to his repeated attempts to communicate with me other than to say I do not wish to remain in contact with him. We never lived in the same place nor does he know where I live now.
I have, however, been really down the last four days. I think of my child and feel pain and all the feelings of loss. I know these feelings will take time to heal. I know time will heal these wounds.
I am writing today because I've been having horrible flashbacks from right after our last day together... I trusted him, like many of you trusted your ex N/Ss at one time. The relationship was still in the honeymoon phase. After having spent four months getting to know one another, he became persistent when we finally spent one-on-one time together in England following our overseas deployments.
On the last day of my visit, and after a couple of red flags that I chose to overlook, we had sex. It wasn't our first experience together during the visit but it is the one that I cannot seem to get out of my head. It started off loving and consensual and then something horrible happened about five minutes into it. He put his very large hand around my neck (he was much bigger than me) and started choking me. He never asked me if it was okay. He just did it. I tried three times to pull his hand off my neck but couldn't break his grasp. When he was finished, I went to the shower. I pretended everything was okay but it was not. I was so upset. I did not understand what had happened. On my trip to catch my flight home later that day, I broke down in the car sobbing. When he asked me what was wrong I just said "I was going to miss him." No, not the horrible thing he just did but the person I thought he was. The one I had been falling for all those months. He broke my trust that day and humiliated me. I was crying because he was not who he pretended to be.
I really don't want to reflect on all of the nasty things he did or said after I returned home but would really like to heal from the flashbacks of that last day with him. I want the nightmares to stop and would like to wake up again in the morning not feeling like a hand is wrapped around my neck and I am gasping for breath. I've been reading online how choking someone without consent is emotional and physical abuse. It can cause PTSD in victims, which I already have from another experience and, up until this point, managed quite well. Somehow I cannot seem to get over this experience though.
If you have experienced anything similar, could you please share any techniques you may have used to heal?
I have, however, been really down the last four days. I think of my child and feel pain and all the feelings of loss. I know these feelings will take time to heal. I know time will heal these wounds.
I am writing today because I've been having horrible flashbacks from right after our last day together... I trusted him, like many of you trusted your ex N/Ss at one time. The relationship was still in the honeymoon phase. After having spent four months getting to know one another, he became persistent when we finally spent one-on-one time together in England following our overseas deployments.
On the last day of my visit, and after a couple of red flags that I chose to overlook, we had sex. It wasn't our first experience together during the visit but it is the one that I cannot seem to get out of my head. It started off loving and consensual and then something horrible happened about five minutes into it. He put his very large hand around my neck (he was much bigger than me) and started choking me. He never asked me if it was okay. He just did it. I tried three times to pull his hand off my neck but couldn't break his grasp. When he was finished, I went to the shower. I pretended everything was okay but it was not. I was so upset. I did not understand what had happened. On my trip to catch my flight home later that day, I broke down in the car sobbing. When he asked me what was wrong I just said "I was going to miss him." No, not the horrible thing he just did but the person I thought he was. The one I had been falling for all those months. He broke my trust that day and humiliated me. I was crying because he was not who he pretended to be.
I really don't want to reflect on all of the nasty things he did or said after I returned home but would really like to heal from the flashbacks of that last day with him. I want the nightmares to stop and would like to wake up again in the morning not feeling like a hand is wrapped around my neck and I am gasping for breath. I've been reading online how choking someone without consent is emotional and physical abuse. It can cause PTSD in victims, which I already have from another experience and, up until this point, managed quite well. Somehow I cannot seem to get over this experience though.
If you have experienced anything similar, could you please share any techniques you may have used to heal?
Please also read up on misogynist. Mine surprised me after 4 1/2 years as well. read all you can on psychopaths narcissists etc and let google be your best friend!
That's not why I replied though. I just wanted to say that sometimes, just getting it out there can be the biggest step we can take towards healing. Perhaps not from the information and wisdom we receive in turn, but from the simple and powerful act of getting it out of our heads. It won't really start to heal until you let go of it, getting it out (somewhere safe) is a great start. I wish you the best.
And if you met me in person, you would never ever guess. I'm a very strong, intelligent, independent woman that has been told so many times how beautiful I am. I'm not a model by any means and I hate the entire 'outward appearance' stereotype, I just love my intelligence but that P has really broken me down in my life. I get very depressed over it but I'd rather be depressed and sad, and full of regret than live like that ever again.
The fact that I retained this memory for so many years shows how traumatic it can be. Don't feel that you're over-reacting or that this isn't a serious thing that happened to you...because it was...very much so. Of course it's going to haunt you.
Jewels: I am very sorry to hear your story. I truly hope that man stays far away from you. Love your babies and please protect yourself and your family from his abuse. What you have had to deal with in life is clearly unfair and horrid. Try to keep him away. I successfully cut mine out of my life until I was hacked and quickly went NC again. I was/am moving forward with my life. I realize no contact really is the only way out of the destruction. There is no sense communicating with a person who lacks any sense of empathy or a conscious. I hope you are able to maintain your strength and look forward to the future without that evil person in your life.
Misogynist is a term that I have become somewhat familiar with. He had a porn addiction, a couple of two guy and one woman experiences, and viagra nights that didn't come to light until that last day I spent with him--after he choked me...He just blurted all of that out to me after he finished... Almost like he was proud of his past deeds! I had previously asked him for months not to share his past sexual experiences with me because I'm the kind of woman who would rather not know. I try to concentrate on the present and the future. When I learned this information, though, I was repulsed. This whole experiences has been demoralizing, painful, and, one that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I'm still repulsed by the thought of him...The man he pretended to be was all a facade...I get that now.
Finding the strength to keep moving forward is difficult. I still am able to work and have found tidbits of happiness here and there with family and friends. Not being able to make this person understand just how much his actions and emotional abuse have negatively impacted my life is something I need to overcome. Time, patience, and resilience. Those are my words for myself. Trauma expert is next on my to do list. I need to get over this. I want to feel whole again.