Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello everyone,
As many of you here, I married a sociopath; I was unlucky enough to have children with him very quickly. It did not take me long to see that I married the Satan but marring was was way easier than getting rid of. My life has been Hell (literally) for the past 13 years - I will not go into details but if you put every post, every story here together - this is my guy: the perfect sociopath.
I have watched my kids getting mentally and emotionally destroyed for the past 10 years - since I decided I want out. Unfortunately, they are still young - they are 10 and 11 now and I know there is a long road ahead of all of us.
Few months ago I started a project, just for my own piece of mind, doing research on children of sociopaths and trying to get some practical advise from teens and adults who grew up with such parents. All I wanted is to find a light at the end of the tunnel - turned out it is not easy to do. There is not much literature or research out there so my little project became a big projects. Now I am determined to put together all stories that I can find from parents and children who's lives have been scarred by a psychopath / sociopath, and to try to give parents like me, and children like mine, practical advise on how to survive.
If any of you, or your children, would like to share their stories with me, please let me know - your help would be greatly appreciated. I am not an expert on sociopaths (although for the past 13 years I have read every research there is on them) but I am a journalist so all I can do is write and hopefully help other parents and children.
If you want to contact me please write directly to: emails4kids@yahoo.com
I would be happy to tell you more about my book, and you can be assured your story will be safe and anonymous (unless you want to disclose your name of course).
Regards to everyone and lets stay strong!
Sylvana
As many of you here, I married a sociopath; I was unlucky enough to have children with him very quickly. It did not take me long to see that I married the Satan but marring was was way easier than getting rid of. My life has been Hell (literally) for the past 13 years - I will not go into details but if you put every post, every story here together - this is my guy: the perfect sociopath.
I have watched my kids getting mentally and emotionally destroyed for the past 10 years - since I decided I want out. Unfortunately, they are still young - they are 10 and 11 now and I know there is a long road ahead of all of us.
Few months ago I started a project, just for my own piece of mind, doing research on children of sociopaths and trying to get some practical advise from teens and adults who grew up with such parents. All I wanted is to find a light at the end of the tunnel - turned out it is not easy to do. There is not much literature or research out there so my little project became a big projects. Now I am determined to put together all stories that I can find from parents and children who's lives have been scarred by a psychopath / sociopath, and to try to give parents like me, and children like mine, practical advise on how to survive.
If any of you, or your children, would like to share their stories with me, please let me know - your help would be greatly appreciated. I am not an expert on sociopaths (although for the past 13 years I have read every research there is on them) but I am a journalist so all I can do is write and hopefully help other parents and children.
If you want to contact me please write directly to: emails4kids@yahoo.com
I would be happy to tell you more about my book, and you can be assured your story will be safe and anonymous (unless you want to disclose your name of course).
Regards to everyone and lets stay strong!
Sylvana
The best advice I can give is to have as little interaction as possible with the ex as you reasonably can. When we switched during visitations, I didn't even look at him, I just did what I had to do and left. It was incredibly difficult, but if the legal system doesn't have your back you just have to do the best you can.
bedhog, It is going to be fine with your daughter. My relationships with mine were exactly like this when they were 25. Now the strain is gone and they have very little to do with their father.
I think just communicate with them, consciously talk to them, let them tell you their perspective so they can make sense of what is happening. Just listen. Give them the choice of healthy relationships by helping them understand what is normal and what is not. Many people felt bad for me as a child but no one talked to me, making me think my interactions with my dad were normal. They were blatantly far from normal.
My dad is Psychopathic but it has taken me years to accept this reality. Though I had objective proof (stealing, breaking the law, sadistic joy, chilling experiences, fleeing the country when he had to go to jail). I didn't have the resources I needed as a child or a young adult to understand what that meant. I heard many people say Narcissism but this felt unique. People always gossiped to me about how horrible my dad was, but that gossip also felt ugly so I ignored them. Gossiping is not the same as conscious communication.
I did okay in my life considering my childhood (sexual abuse, mindless/angry mother/raised my younger siblings). I learned quickly how to take care of myself but where I greatly faltered was "moving on" without a level of understanding of what happened. This is why I think you're doing a great job learning more.
As a young adult, I went on to several abusive relationships to finally spending 6 years dating a Sociopath (the difference between him and my dad) was the Sociopath is a lot more messy, unorganized, reactive. My dad was very intelligent, calculating. Until he was disbarred as a lawyer. (My relationship with my ex...) he had incredible, sudden rage, he lost many jobs, never paid bills. He then was abusive psychologically, emotionally, financially. As a child of a psychopath I was hooked by this personality because I dissociated (subtly mind blanking) while going on with life and catering to him so he could heal - he couldn't heal. Superficially thinking this behavior was normal and loving, because at least the sociopath had glimpses of empathy, I thought he could be fixed. I thought I was healthy. But it wasn't until I burned out completely, and saw a psychotherapist regularly, that I learned I was actually completely numbing through my relationship, until I lost my sense of self entirely. I was reliving a subserviant trauma cloud for years before I understood why I was chronically depressed and unable to be seen as a person. My core self was deeply injured. As opposed to the trauma of sexual abuse (where I could make sense of it and somewhat heal) psychological trauma is of the deepest and hardest to heal because it is complex and alienating. Someone once described it as wolves surrounding you and suddenly attacking you from behind.
My advise to my child self (maybe beneficial to your children) would be to learn and understand what healthy love is and what cognitive love is. Cognitive empathy versus Affective empathy. Study the red flags because they may be more prone to these types of people. I didn't know what normal was (I couldn't have), even when I studied it from a distance. What saved me is healthy role models, socialization, sports, and experiencing the difference between trauma love and real love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpjYtAB9i2w&t=4365s
The second piece I have learned for myself (making it easier to stay away from bad people) is that Psychopathy is likely genetic and should I have children with someone that abuses my children they may also become Psychopathic and god knows we don't need more of that.
Thank you for your group support and discussions. I think this is beautiful.
Much love to you and your family,