Everyone here including me understands the trauma bond .. we've all had to learn to break it .. even though I wasn't discarded at the end, the fact that he pulled a knife on me just about ended things (for me) ... He was already in the devalue stage, he properly upped his game when he sensed I was tired of him and his drama. I had a discussion with him about us just being friends which he seemed okay with, he even agreed that it was for the best ... half an hour later he was snarling like a lunatic ... Sociopaths and other disordered people have the capacity to kill you, especially in a blind rage, I never thought mine would turn on me as he wasn't particularly violent but it happened and it was my most frightening experience to date

Yes River. So sorry for your awful experience. Their rage is scary. I can see it in his eyes though he stuck to emotional violence. Yes I was in devalue for a long time. He would tell me off and then blow me up the next day to see me. Was constantly confusion and chaos. He finally discarded me when the gf called me. He laid on his bs to her. Even told her that she saved him from ME and the abuse I did. Sick. So in the end, instead of getting caught per se, he spun it like only they can and told her she saved his life by telling me about their relationship. HE was finally free of me. She stayed with him, loving that he picked her. It validated to her that she was the special one and he was truly addicted to me. Projection much? I may have had the baby and took support but I was never abusive or addicting....except.to his control, or lack thereof, and his ego when he was unable to properly manipulate me into his sick ways of thinking and living.

You need to remember who you were before you met him ... remember the things you liked to do ... At the moment you seem to be torturing yourself and applying answers to questions that you will never know for sure ... For the sake of your child, you have to walk away. Nothing you say or do will change what's happened, and you'll hate yourself for contacting him especially if he blanks you. All psychos smear us ... I was violent and abusive apparently when intact I lashed out in temper in self defence when he cornered me .. He told everyone I was insanely jealous blah blah blah

Oh yes, I was a stalker, psycho, had sex with him once and trapped him into a kid etc....yeah, we were "together" for several years. I never stalked him. Hell, if I had, I would've known about all his crap! I just blindly trusted. I think the issue was that I was bored and lonely prior to meeting him. I wasn't happy, which makes it hard to think back with any real optimism. Ha. I had been in a long, but healthier, relationship for over 10 years before I met the SP. So the first happiness and excitement and what I thought was connection was with the SP on the last 15 years or so.
I do work a great deal. Am quite successful. Have great friends that I spend time with...but nothing quite takes the edge of an addicts craving for heroin. If you know what I mean...

I do know exactly what you mean. But its soul destroying! Don't you think you are worthy of so much more?

That's what funny right? HE made me initially feel I could do or be anything. I was god. His systematic tear down has left me wondering if I'm any good at all. I know that's not true in my heart but the years of brainwashing that I was crazy, stalker, manipulative, psycho, abusive etc...takes its toll.

I know .... But he's a liar and a cheat ... why do you care what he thinks? I'm not having a pop at you by the way ... I'm trying to penetrate the fog (so to speak) with realism ...

This is what they do .. Build you up and tear you down. If you curl up and die he's won .. Think of your son ... Think of your family and friends who care about you, he doesn't deserve the space in your head

I've posted most of my story ... It's not the complete end but another attempt at breaking the bond ... I still went back to him after all that!

Are you done now? It is sick all we go back for. Just sad. Always chasing the love bomb we first met. Just like an addict trying to get that first high back.

I've been psycho free for almost two years ... I've never looked back x

Awesome! Good for you! Thank you for providing this invaluable support to those of still stuck!