Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
It´s been a long time since I broke up with my sociopath, but I´m worried what effects this crazy, abusive, dysfunctional relationship can have on me? What effects did it have on you?
From the outside, the relationship must have seemed very unstable to them because I was constantly leaving and going back, and people started to comment that I had changed.
He always tried to maintain the false persona of being *nice* around my family and friends, but he started to slip up more and more, usually when he was drinking!
One thing I never allowed him to do was cut me off from my friends and family. He made my life a misery because he felt I put them before him. But as their mistrust of him began to spread, I would get invites to parties and nights out, but they would stress 'don't bring him' .. he would say 'they are trying to turn you against me' 'You are letting them win'
Everyone could see the harm he was doing to my life, except me. No matter how many times I escaped, I always went back, and so they just got fed up of saying anything about it all, and instead silently hoped that I would eventually see sense. I told them some of the things that were going on but not everything, because like you have mentioned .. it was humiliating!
About a year before I left him, my stomach bothered me every-single-day! I had severe headaches and had so much trouble breathing, I thought I had asthma. I had no idea that was a result of my panic attacks. I deliberately stayed up at night, so he would be alseep before I went to bed. I had nightmares. And I became hypervigilant about everything.
My tummy troubles are now gone. Nightmares are few and far between. Panic attacks are nearly nonexistant. I do still have trouble sleeping. Considering everything else, I can handle that. I do hate the triggers though!
Men in general can set me off easily. Thats something I want to ask the rest of you ladies....do you get easily triggered by men now, or is it just me? :( I dont want to be like this and was never ever like this in my dating years. Granted, I am very content and happy by myself, but I worry that something is wrong with me.
My ex put out a false persona always. To the world, he was a sweet, polite, gentle man, inside our home, he was brutal and terrifying. Jaded is the word that comes to mind.
I went into deep depression and got suicidal for a while and had panic attack occasionally...well, I still do once in a while....
The damages these monsters leave you with are just devastating....
This makes me sad because I want to have a normal relationship, but I don't think I am capable just yet.
Its only short term.
What they do as sociopaths is prey on your weaknesses and vulnerability. They focus and assess you. (you can watch this happening if you return for another go) ha as i did quite a few times. They literally assess you for any weaknesses in your armour. Then later when the time is right, they then attack those weaknesses, or use those weaknesses to abuse you.
What happens, is that we grow stronger. if all of our lives we stayed in relationships, or feared being alone. This time, you actually dont want a relationship. What you are all doing - without realising it. Is valuing yourselves. Seeing your good qualities (you were kind, compassionate, caring) those are all good qualities to have, but did you see them before? Did you display them? Did you believe in them?
Now you realise that you deserve better than this. If you are still sick - if recovery is slow. Or not happening then someone will be sent into your life to help you heal.
If i can heal. You can too. I feel better than i have done for years. I value things in my life that I previously didnt value. Because i gave things i hadnt given before and that wasnt appreciated valued it was abused - i realised that i deserved someone who could give what i had to offer., I not only became strong, i learned my strengths.
When things are the worst is when we grow the most. For me, when it happened (twice) i was already massively vulnerable, a word i used every day in my job, but never truly understood. Today I am not. I found my fight again.
I am no longer sick. They took nothing from me - only my weaknesses. And in its place I found strength.
That's so true!
Thank you so much for your message. You are right, they took only our weaknesses. Through my experiences I found my vulnerability and weakness I had not realized before and in return I found the strength I never thought existed in me.
Thank you, mayanicole.
You ladies think its unfair and threaten people of stalking if they come here,which after this post i will never return here again BUT i get and respect how valuable this forum is but i am not as nasty and evil and so uncaring as some of the people who have caused u all heartache and despair.
Maya, you know yourself that when i ended our relationship in march and we tried time and time again it was never going to work as i did too many wrongs and told too many lies but in the following 6 mnths we embarked and really did try and i SAT WITH YOU in MY home and spent hours days and weeks with us BOTH being on sociopath world and this website ACTUALLY trying to understan me, you and what had happened,and you know yourself that once you made me aware that i had some issues the following 6 mnths i took nothin in any way or form from u at all,i actually gave more,so i am massively thanking you as you without doubt are the person that has managed to help me understand myself and endeavour to do good things as i already do but do them with no gain of my own.
MAYA i WAA THIS person brought in that really helped you ways that you know and yes ur experience with me has took away all ur weaknesses and made you a well ,strong woman again so basically now because of our history and damage caused we many many times have even recently spent countless hours together but as per usual when something about what has happened it results in us arguing etc etc but this time i think we both said some harsh words to each other so the upshot is i am not textin u contacting u or emailing u again as we both need to just get on with our lives,so i will as i have just said not return as i think we have both learned everything that we needed to better understand ourselves,SO I WISH U WELL,KEEP UP ALL THE GOOD WORK ON HERE AND OTHER FORUMS BOOK ETC ETC AS U are a very intelligent expressive woman and people really listen and value what you say especially on here,so keep up the good work have a lovely holiday and lovely xmas with ur family,goodbye love and good luck.
SORRY ladies for barging in on ur forum,i will not be back.
Take care cheekylookinc....x
thankyou for listening .
goodby x
I don't throw all men into one large garbage heap anymore lol. I mostly just worry that if I would start out liking someone, they will change (for the worst) later on down the road.
I don't throw all men into one large garbage heap anymore lol. I mostly just worry that if I would start out liking someone, they will change (for the worst) later on down the road.
I don't throw all men into one large garbage heap anymore lol. I mostly just worry that if I would start out liking someone, they will change (for the worst) later on down the road.
I don't throw all men into one large garbage heap anymore lol. I mostly just worry that if I would start out liking someone, they will change (for the worst) later on down the road.