i lost so much weight, my hair was falling out and it aged me very fast, i almost died from not eating in the end. it can really make you sick if you let it. after coming here and starting to talk about it and accept it for what it was i started to slowly feel better and started eating again. ive gained a bunch of weight back and am much healthier now.

Snny256: It's tough getting over these relationships--if you can call it that.

I experienced no appetite, sleeplessness (maybe two hours a day), nightmares, hurt, sadness, anger...It tooks about three months before I could see the light of day again. Thankfully, after much reading and consulting two experts, I one day woke up and realized why the F&^# would I ever want this N/S in my life? He's sick! My life is too precious to waste on such ridiculousness.

I truly believe that we will all one day find partners better than these parasites. I don't know about you, but as I move forward with my life, I'll be sure to ask A LOT more questions from the outset, meet his family and friends, conduct a background investigation (if needed).

Hugs.

All the same things happened to me. I had no appetite, couldn't sleep, had terrible nightmares. Now those things have all gotten better but I'm still hypervigilant, as in even the smallest noise startles me. I am also just kind of paranoid in general.

It does get better and I know there are good people in the world, and this experience has made me value the good people in my life even more. However, it makes me kind of bitter to think that I can't get involved with someone new without basically conducting a background investigation. I miss the days when I believed that most people were inherently good and that it was easy to spot the bad ones. In fact, I think that is the biggest negative effect this whole ordeal has had on me: a loss of faith in humanity.

I'm also having trouble sleeping .. and I feel like I'm constantly on high alert! I live with a friend, so I am not totally alone, that has helped immensely. I have no interest in getting myself into another relationship in the foreseeable future, I'm quite happy doing my own thing for now!

I'm really looking forward to an abuse free christmas with my son and my friends. No walking on egg-shells when the ex has had a drink .. No worrying about the daggers when I talk to other people other than him .. No having to turn down invitations to parties because HE doesn't want to go! (which means I can't either - unless I want to endure a night of endless texts telling me I'm selfish etc) .. the list is endless!

Everything about them makes you sick!

yes a total loss and devastation of faith in many things. its like he killed that little innocent child that resides in your soul forever. its almost like something has been broken and you cant ever fix it. sounds drastic i know but thats the way it has affected me. i hate to even allow him that power. but it wasnt something i gave willingly to him, he took it from me and i didnt realize that until it was too late. it has nothing to do with a broken heart or with love it is something deep inside that i can now feel is gone for good. a violation of innocence is really the only definition i come up with.

Bella I couldn't agree more. I get the feeling that my friends and family are asking themselves why I'm not over him yet. I am SO OVER HIM. I couldn't care less about him. I am onto him and his creepy game and am never speaking to him or having anything to do with him EVER AGAIN.

It's the loss of innocence that has affected me so profoundly. That is one thing that I can say has not gotten any better. I am so suspicious of new people now and just bitter at the world.

i know what your saying, i feel very bitter towards life in general now. i cant meet new people without analyzing there every move and im finding so many things that give me that off feeling when i do meet them. so far ive removed a few other friends ive had from the past because i see these traits in them also. i refuse to let people take advantage of me anymore , which is good in itself but its like living life under a microscope now. i feel like my ability to be spontaneous is gone and every thing i do is thought out and really looked at to the point of a fear based action. that fee spirit is dead i guess is the only way to put it into words where it relates to how i feel. something very precious was taken from me and as time goes on i dont feel like i can ever get that back. i got hurt a lot before this happened to me but i also was more of a free spirit so to say. im so gaurded to the exstreams now i have hard time just being me. i dont know who me is anymore. or maybe i should say i dont like who me is now. and its not something i can seem to change. it sucks.

I agree totally Bella/Saddestbunny .. I have had a few relationships before this one with *normal* men .. most of them on my facebook now, most of them still my friends, so my faith in humanity isn't too jaded by the experience in that respect. I feel less naive about the people in the world now though, thanks to my sociopath, so he has done me a favour in that respect. He's taught me that I was too trusting of other people, and that I pity too easily, and am a real sucker for a sob story. Also, my levels of forgiveness are way beyond healthy.

Although he has harmed me, I am party responsible for allowing it to continue, when the truth was staring me in the face, and my instincts were screaming 'you must leave' .. I chose to stay! Now that I am out of it all .. I'm suffering the after shocks but I am strong enough to do now, what I should have done at the first signs of abuse, tell him the relationship is over and leave (and actually mean it). Never again will anyone treat me like a doormat or pull the wall over my eyes .. that chapter in my life is over!

I admire your attitude manyrivers. I wish I were better at seeing the silver lining. The same is true in my case: I should have given him the boot at the first sign of abuse, and I didn't.

But I am trusting and generous which I thought were GOOD qualities. It makes me furious to think that somebody turned my good qualities against me, and without me even knowing.

Exactly. They take and take and take all the goodness you offer until they are done with you. It's hard to realize that these are good qualities after being hurt so much by offering them, unknowningly. And I was in the process of ending a 17 year relationship with another jerk. This one comes along with this "hurt woman" radar...and had a field day.

Don't get me wrong Saddestbunny .. I am suffering for my experiences with the psycho (eg: it's 4am in the UK and I have just woken up after a lousy 3 hours sleep AGAIN!). I guess I feel that by acknowledging my own part in all the drama, I can somehow understand why I chose to stay and endure, rather than run a mile!

I'm not saying that I am to blame for the crazy things he has done, (my days of blaming myself for his short-comings are over!) I absolutely know that he caused it all! But I'm questioning why I allowed my good qualities to be stretched to the limit. Yes he took full advantage of my warm and generous nature, but only because I allowed him to.

I think we allowed it because we didn't know we were dealing with disordered individuals. I know I am a fighter and I didn't want to give up on the relationship that easily, and I still had hope because part of the time he still acted like the wonderful person I thought I married. So that was why I stuck with it so long. Until I discovered he was a sociopath and could never be cured.

And also in my case, I had a fairly normal upbringing and had never been exposed to violence or abuse, so I guess I was kind of shocked when it started happening to me and didn't really know how to deal with it.

Finally, I would mention that the things that were happening to me were so crazy that I didn't tell anyone about them. In hindsight I really wish I had, but I was too embarrassed to at the time.

What I mean by that last part is, if I had told an outside party they would have helped me to understand that what was happening was NOT normal and NOT OK and would have helped me get out sooner, I think. But it was like being brainwashed and I didn't tell anyone for fear of appearing crazy.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/04/25/surviving-manipulators/