Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Trying to explain to people the subject of psychopaths/sociopaths is like trying to get them to believe in unicorns.
Even after someone has been dumped on; kicked around; cheated on; used for money... they still are like a deer in headlights so I just need to vent today.
I have a friend who I'm pretty positive was married to a guy on the narcissism spectrum. He's a habitual liar... he has a major porn & sex addiction... he only wanted my friend around when she was a miserable lump or when she finally had money... he owes more than $20K in child support arrears... he can't keep a job for more than a year or two at a time.... he married wife #2 only 6 months after meeting her online... he threatened to go for full custody of my friend's son, went through all the court maneuvers and put her through hell, then never showed up for court.... after their divorce, he really only talked to my friend when he was pissed off and was yelling at her or when his 2nd wife left him... and the list goes on.
So this friend read my blog and said major bells were ringing, but still doesn't think the profile fits this douche.
Total denial, even after her 6-yr old son came home crying because during his visit with good ol' dad, he yelled at him to shut up.
Her son is a remarkable boy --- and I'm beyond concerned for his future.
Anyway, the suspected N/S/P ex got dumped by wife #2 who went full no contact and changed all her contact info (so proud of her!)
Guess whose life he's back in now?????
And she doesn't see this!!!
I'm so exhausted with trying to "save" people. Adults can make their own dumb choices but I feel so horrible for the kids involved who don't understand or get a say in this.
Even after someone has been dumped on; kicked around; cheated on; used for money... they still are like a deer in headlights so I just need to vent today.
I have a friend who I'm pretty positive was married to a guy on the narcissism spectrum. He's a habitual liar... he has a major porn & sex addiction... he only wanted my friend around when she was a miserable lump or when she finally had money... he owes more than $20K in child support arrears... he can't keep a job for more than a year or two at a time.... he married wife #2 only 6 months after meeting her online... he threatened to go for full custody of my friend's son, went through all the court maneuvers and put her through hell, then never showed up for court.... after their divorce, he really only talked to my friend when he was pissed off and was yelling at her or when his 2nd wife left him... and the list goes on.
So this friend read my blog and said major bells were ringing, but still doesn't think the profile fits this douche.
Total denial, even after her 6-yr old son came home crying because during his visit with good ol' dad, he yelled at him to shut up.
Her son is a remarkable boy --- and I'm beyond concerned for his future.
Anyway, the suspected N/S/P ex got dumped by wife #2 who went full no contact and changed all her contact info (so proud of her!)
Guess whose life he's back in now?????
And she doesn't see this!!!
I'm so exhausted with trying to "save" people. Adults can make their own dumb choices but I feel so horrible for the kids involved who don't understand or get a say in this.
One thing I have learned (only in the last year) is that you can never save someone. There are no mistakes in life. If someone goes back into it again, perhaps there is more that they need to learn, so that they can learn to properly let go. To give them answers and peace of mind.
manyrivers and mayan... you're totally right, and mayan you put it brilliantly: There are no mistakes in life.
I should know this. "No mistakes, only lessons" is my life's motto... I just needed to be reminded and pulled away from that habitual "fixer" mentality I occasionally slip back into.
Thanks for the talking down!!!
manyrivers... did you ever read or see "The Help"?
(loved it!)
I just keep thinking about that movie and I need to remind my friend's son: "You are smart, you are kind, you are important".
Maybe if you are keeping up your friendship, you can be there for your friend's son, so he might feel comfortable talking to you when you're over or doing things with his mom. The kids do figure out ways to protect themselves and/or leave their problem parents when they get older, sometimes years before they're 18. So, hope for the best.
I also liked the movie "Precious", hard as it was to watch. Warning, if you've been abused, it may trigger you. But her strength is uplifting. If you haven't seen it, I don't want to provide a spoiler.
@emysty - hang in there. I can't remember who recommended the book "Splitting". It was okay but pretty much had all the info that I already knew. "Child Custody A to Z: Winning with Evidence" seems to be a better pick and talks about how to approach custody cases with PDs.
@nutellina - agree.... but I can accept ignorance from those who haven't experienced it b/c it's definitely a "learned from" experience, but those who have experienced it and don't learn from it are the difficult cases. They admit these guys exist UNTIL they come back into their lives. Then suddenly it's back to square one.
I've found it's most often people who still have issues with their own parents that they still haven't accepted or dealt with... they still hope they can change their sociopath in the same manner they still hope they can change their disordered parent(s). That's definitely the situation in this particular case and her poor son is being destroyed in the process. Nearly got banned from school because he said the was going to bring one of dad's guns to show & tell.