I'm working my way toward being more active in my Judaism. And as I pray from the siddur, there's a part of me that's contemplating what I'm reading and I think to myself: Why?

Like this morning I woke up, was supposed to do the Shema and the Amidah and instead Annie Lenox's "Don't Ask Me Why" played in my head:

"Miracle of miracles Look what the night dragged in
It's a pocket full of misery And trouble on the wind
You spoiled the best years of your [actually it was my] life
You took them all in vain
Now you think that you're forgiven
But you can't be born again
And you say Why?
You say why?
You say why?
Don't ask me why I don't love you anymore
I don't think I ever did
And if you ever had any kind of love for me
You kept it all so well hid

Promises sweet promises
You kept them from your mind
Like all the lost forgotten things
You never seemed to find
Like all the disappointments
You displayed upon your shelf
Now you've got no one to turn to
You've got no one but yourself And you say Why?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGDMOthOQl4&feature=youtu.be
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Some of the prayers if not all are about a complete surrender to God and I just can't do that. I keep hearing this song and thinking that this is the same creature that watches children being raped, spouses beating their spouses, people who see people as objects to be used... I've spent years being faithful, and things are just hard.

DO NOT YOU THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO TELL ME WHAT TO THINK: NO 'FREE WILL' DIATRIBES OR ANYTHING ELSE.

Thanks.