I have been unemployed for 10 months now and I'm feeling hopeless like I'm stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean not knowing where I should go from here. I quit my job because I was depressed from being stuck in an office all day while seeing the sun rise in the morning and set in the evening. I'm better at working outdoors or in new environment. Furthermore, I wasn't able to spend much time with my family as much as I wanted to and it made me even more depressed.

Since I started my career, I have been through a great adventure: I left home at 17 to serve in the military, got out at 23 to attend college, and graduated at 29 with a bachelor degree. During that 12 years I have always been working my butt off and accepted new challenges.

I like taking on challenges and it made me stronger as a person. I felt amazing when I accomplished them.

After I graduated from college, I took a job as a technician that I thought would be a great training opportunity. It was an awesome place to work at and to learn from because there were something new everyday. 

It was also noticeable among my peer that I was a top performer at the company (I even heard the owner of the small company I was working for said so). I was given additional duties and pay as a result. 

Then after 3 months had passed, it became repetitive and boring. My supervisor and manager became hard to talk to and avoided to make eye contacts. Instead of give me moderately complex tasks, they gave me repetitive tasks that would leave me in a corner where no one can see or talk to me. 

I tried my best to be humble and ask for more challenges but they refused. I didn't know what to do by then and my family told me that they used the corner tactic to make me explode or quit from lack of creativity.

It's in my nature to overachieve and take on difficult challenges. SO I gave them my 2-weeks-notice. I felt relieved from quitting. I felt like a burden had fell off my shoulder.

Now I get to do anything outdoor like hiking, backpacking, and paragliding. And get to spend more time than I want with my family. 

But without an income, I went into debt to pay for my living expenses. I have made the decision to sell all of my stuffs that I don't need (to live) so I can climb out of debt. And while living without an income, I have learned how to manage my money and I have stopped buying things I don't really need. 

But I still need something to pays the bills so I have been doing job searchs and interviews. They have all ended not in my favor. Employers who wanted me are for jobs that are too repetitvie or yet worse. And the jobs I want never reply back.

I think I want to start my own business but I have self doubts - what if I would be in a deeper hole than where I started?

After typing this, I feel a little better. I guess I just needed to vent to somebody and hope someone would make a noise. I need a direction to swim to. Even if it's just a beep...