Unemployment Support Group
Recently unemployed or frustrated with the job search? Unemployment can affect more than just the bank account - it has a negative effect on motivation and self-esteem, even sense of identity. This community addresses the challenges associated with unemployment and how to cope.
I came here to find a place for support for a contact on LinkedIn who is looking for work.
It occurred to me that I might be able to give people here some advice, and more importantly, HOPE
Ok so like my group profile says I am 53, in my 4th or 5th career, and was homeless/working for several years before my current status as self-employed as a Drupal web developer.
First of all, there is great unmet demand for Drupal programmers, CNET has published articles twice recommending learning the software for people looking for jobs http://news.cnet.com/8301-13846_3-20027411-62.html
But that's not why I chose it; 18 years ago I was unemployed, and a job counselor suggested that since I like computers, I should look into this new "Internet" thing. I taught myself for a few years, and around 7 years ago I found Drupal and decided it would be a good tool for the kind of work I was doing freelance from Craigslist. I was fortunate (or perspicacious?) to pick a winning horse.
During that time, 15 years, I became seriously ill with Bipolar Disorder. I had suffered bouts of depression since the age of 13, and after college I lost a series of jobs in the film industry because of not showing up. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know how to "fix" it.
I was unemployed when I married my wife, and she supported me and our baby. I was so sick that I had narcolepsy and a doctor had to prescribe dexedrine for me to function. I was a failure even at taking care of our child, sometimes sleeping (even with the dexedrine) and ignoring her. I don't have to tell you how bad I felt, I felt like a piece of garbage. Sometimes in frustration I lashed out at my wife, I hit her, and that made me feel even worse.
Meanwhile the film industry in NYC fell apart, between technology changes and business dislocations. The "funny" thing is that I was very good at my work, even excellent, except for when I got depressed once or twice a month and couldn't get out of bed http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0333025/
Right after our daughter was born, I got a job as a sales assistant at an audio/video company. But I was still sick, sometimes I fell asleep standing up at team meetings. And to tell the truth, our childcare cost more than I was earning, I just hoped to move up quickly because I am always promoted when I do great work. But I lost the job after a few months anyway, for not showing up.
Meanwhile my wife's psychotherapy practice became very successful. Some people say Dr. Melfi on the Sopranos was based on her, and in fact some of her patients worked on or knew people on that show.
Somehow, we became homeless. My behavior was partly responsible, and my periodic inability to care for our kid so she was sitting in the waiting room while her mom was working, while I was passed out in the other room. So my wife lost a few clients, we fell behind on the rent, we made a plan to move, the new apartment was condemned before we moved in, landlords in NYC didn't want to rent to a self-employed woman with a suspiciously unemployed husband. My wife's parents were dead, and my family blamed her for my illness, although it started long before I knew her. So my family turned their backs on us, my mother even called the police twice when we threw ourselves at her mercy. The social agencies advised us to "spend down" our savings of about $40,000 to be eligible for shelters. We spent a few months in hotels, with my wife seeing fewer and fewer patients, until she lost her work too, we had no money, and we were literally sleeping on the subway.
It's a long story, but we scratched and crawled and stumbled and fought our way back. I started getting "better" - maybe it was just me getting older, or having to "step up" - I had a couple of jobs, my wife had a couple of jobs, I started building my reputation as a web developer, I got lucky that my skills are in great demand.
Now I am supporting my wife, who is 61 and not well herself, with severe chronic pain (migraines and cluster headaches every day). She has no insurance, and the co-pay for her medication is about $1400/month. So although I make good money, it all goes. We have nearly been evicted 3 times in the last year, with a paycheck coming just in time. Soon she will qualify for Social Security, and perhaps Medicare or Medicaid. I thought I had a contract that included benefits like health insurance, but it fizzled, as is often the case when you are a contractor. In the job market, I would take a pay cut to take a permanent job, and I would be more at risk of losing it because of my lingering illness and chaos at home.
I'm not "cured" - I still need a "mental health day" now and then, but I try to not look unreliable. And I lost my last contract a week early, between some problems with my wife's treatments keeping me from work, some days when my chronic pain (arthritis in my back) were bad, and my employer failing to pay me on time then freaking out when I didn't have carfare until I got paid.
I have also found that engaging things outside of work help keep me grounded. I started going to synagogue again, I even built a web site for the shul as a volunteer, and it has helped some people reconnect with the congregation after many years. I also joined a couple of groups that play spades (the card game) on meetup.com and one group had a fun camping trip. I started going to a DBSA (Depression and BiPolar Alliance) peer support group, and became one of the facilitators. It's amazing no matter how bad you think your life sucks, someone always has a story that is REALLY terrible; it keeps things in perspective.
I'm starting a new contract this week for the month of July with a company I worked with before. My skills are in great demand, and I'm not worried about finding work after July.
By no means a fairy tale ending, but perhaps reading this will help others who are close to giving up HOPE
It occurred to me that I might be able to give people here some advice, and more importantly, HOPE
Ok so like my group profile says I am 53, in my 4th or 5th career, and was homeless/working for several years before my current status as self-employed as a Drupal web developer.
First of all, there is great unmet demand for Drupal programmers, CNET has published articles twice recommending learning the software for people looking for jobs http://news.cnet.com/8301-13846_3-20027411-62.html
But that's not why I chose it; 18 years ago I was unemployed, and a job counselor suggested that since I like computers, I should look into this new "Internet" thing. I taught myself for a few years, and around 7 years ago I found Drupal and decided it would be a good tool for the kind of work I was doing freelance from Craigslist. I was fortunate (or perspicacious?) to pick a winning horse.
During that time, 15 years, I became seriously ill with Bipolar Disorder. I had suffered bouts of depression since the age of 13, and after college I lost a series of jobs in the film industry because of not showing up. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know how to "fix" it.
I was unemployed when I married my wife, and she supported me and our baby. I was so sick that I had narcolepsy and a doctor had to prescribe dexedrine for me to function. I was a failure even at taking care of our child, sometimes sleeping (even with the dexedrine) and ignoring her. I don't have to tell you how bad I felt, I felt like a piece of garbage. Sometimes in frustration I lashed out at my wife, I hit her, and that made me feel even worse.
Meanwhile the film industry in NYC fell apart, between technology changes and business dislocations. The "funny" thing is that I was very good at my work, even excellent, except for when I got depressed once or twice a month and couldn't get out of bed http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0333025/
Right after our daughter was born, I got a job as a sales assistant at an audio/video company. But I was still sick, sometimes I fell asleep standing up at team meetings. And to tell the truth, our childcare cost more than I was earning, I just hoped to move up quickly because I am always promoted when I do great work. But I lost the job after a few months anyway, for not showing up.
Meanwhile my wife's psychotherapy practice became very successful. Some people say Dr. Melfi on the Sopranos was based on her, and in fact some of her patients worked on or knew people on that show.
Somehow, we became homeless. My behavior was partly responsible, and my periodic inability to care for our kid so she was sitting in the waiting room while her mom was working, while I was passed out in the other room. So my wife lost a few clients, we fell behind on the rent, we made a plan to move, the new apartment was condemned before we moved in, landlords in NYC didn't want to rent to a self-employed woman with a suspiciously unemployed husband. My wife's parents were dead, and my family blamed her for my illness, although it started long before I knew her. So my family turned their backs on us, my mother even called the police twice when we threw ourselves at her mercy. The social agencies advised us to "spend down" our savings of about $40,000 to be eligible for shelters. We spent a few months in hotels, with my wife seeing fewer and fewer patients, until she lost her work too, we had no money, and we were literally sleeping on the subway.
It's a long story, but we scratched and crawled and stumbled and fought our way back. I started getting "better" - maybe it was just me getting older, or having to "step up" - I had a couple of jobs, my wife had a couple of jobs, I started building my reputation as a web developer, I got lucky that my skills are in great demand.
Now I am supporting my wife, who is 61 and not well herself, with severe chronic pain (migraines and cluster headaches every day). She has no insurance, and the co-pay for her medication is about $1400/month. So although I make good money, it all goes. We have nearly been evicted 3 times in the last year, with a paycheck coming just in time. Soon she will qualify for Social Security, and perhaps Medicare or Medicaid. I thought I had a contract that included benefits like health insurance, but it fizzled, as is often the case when you are a contractor. In the job market, I would take a pay cut to take a permanent job, and I would be more at risk of losing it because of my lingering illness and chaos at home.
I'm not "cured" - I still need a "mental health day" now and then, but I try to not look unreliable. And I lost my last contract a week early, between some problems with my wife's treatments keeping me from work, some days when my chronic pain (arthritis in my back) were bad, and my employer failing to pay me on time then freaking out when I didn't have carfare until I got paid.
I have also found that engaging things outside of work help keep me grounded. I started going to synagogue again, I even built a web site for the shul as a volunteer, and it has helped some people reconnect with the congregation after many years. I also joined a couple of groups that play spades (the card game) on meetup.com and one group had a fun camping trip. I started going to a DBSA (Depression and BiPolar Alliance) peer support group, and became one of the facilitators. It's amazing no matter how bad you think your life sucks, someone always has a story that is REALLY terrible; it keeps things in perspective.
I'm starting a new contract this week for the month of July with a company I worked with before. My skills are in great demand, and I'm not worried about finding work after July.
By no means a fairy tale ending, but perhaps reading this will help others who are close to giving up HOPE
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