Unemployment Support Group
Recently unemployed or frustrated with the job search? Unemployment can affect more than just the bank account - it has a negative effect on motivation and self-esteem, even sense of identity. This community addresses the challenges associated with unemployment and how to cope.
I'm so upset. I thought I was going to have a job I loved at the power hour, sponsored by the Boys and Girls club at the school my mom taught at. I even signed the usual papers, did the drug test, which I passed and finally got my background check completed. They didn't end up hiring me and I had volunteered for several months, all for nothing I feel like. They said they couldn't get a hold of me or some bullshit like that and there was never even any messages from them on the machine. They didn't even tell me they weren't hiring me. They left that to the principal. I am worried nobody is going to want to hire me. I've been unemployed for so long. It looks like I've been unemployed for even longer than I have been because the last job I had almost 2 years ago I only had for a short while because it didn't work out and I was let go. I don't even list that job. I'm worried that I messed this up because it took too long to do my background check. I'll never forgive myself if I did. I've been let go for 2 other jobs in the past because I wasn't catching on. I am really not good at fast paced jobs either. I really would not be good at fast food places, factories, etc. I feel like I would be miserable in those type of places anyway. I feel like there aren't even any places left anymore and I feel like there isn't as good of a job that I thought I had either. I'm right back to where I started from. I'm still unemployed. I was never employed in the first place. I just thought I was going to be. My mom is understanding of the fact that there are places, like the fast paced places, that would be too much for me even if I did get hired, but my dad isn't really that understanding of that fact, unfortunately. That just makes it harder. I really don't know what to do. I'm miserable and hate being broke, but I ought to be used to it by now. I'm too chicken to do anything suicidal. On top of all of this bullshit, I have been pretty much been wide awake for 2 years now and I take strong sedatives, but I'm always worried that they'll stop "working". It started during a very stressful time just like it is now. It makes things even more stressful, in my opinion. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I would have been better off if I never would have even ever had this hope. I was probably better off before any of this and it wasn't good then either.
It's a VERY good thing that you're too chicken to do anything suicidal. Whether some of us admit it or not, the vast majority of people entertain thoughts of suicide during the really low and dark places in our lives; and long term unemployment ranks right up there on the really low and dark places list. So, if being chicken keeps you from making a one way trip to the nearest bridge, keep on being chicken.
The second thing that struck me as I read your post is that, even as much as you need a job, you also REALLY need a good nights sleep every night. So, if you're taking "strong sedatives" to help with feelings of depression, I would strongly suggest you talk to your doctor to change your prescription, because the quality of EVERYTHING we do in life depends on a good nights sleep, and a good depression prescription should allow you to get a good nights sleep every night. I know, I've taken them (Wellbutrin).
I think the vast majority of people who go through the hell of long term unemployment start to entertain thoughts that no one will ever want to hire them. I know I certainly did. But, then I finally had a blinding flash of the obvious that having that mindset was not only not doing me any GOOD in trying to find a job, it was actually hurting me. Still, this was what I was dealing with - I, (along with 9,999 of my co-workers) was downsized from AT&T in 2002 after 18 years with the company, the year I turned 50. Shortly before my 57th birthday, I basically told the manager of the company I was working for at the time that I wasn't going to kiss his smug, self-absorbed, double standard ass just to keep a job. At that point, I was asked to resign and when I refused to resign, I was fired.
What followed was 26 months of unemployment hell, several job interviews, with a couple of them where I came THAT close to getting the position. About 10 months into being unemployed, I decided to take computer technology courses at the community college near where I live simply to have something to focus on other than losing my mind, and to show hiring managers that I hadn't just been playing video games during the time I had been unemployed.
About 18 months into being unemployed, I was very much entertaining "...no company will ever hire me again..." thoughts - until I really stopped and thought about what a great worker I am. (And, I don't really catch on that quickly either. Instead, I take really, REALLY good notes). So, I decided to change my thinking from "...no company wants me..." to "...why the hell WOULDN'T a company want me??"
At about month 19 of my unemployment hell, I applied for several positions with a nearby school district. My application was accepted for one position I had the perfect skill set for, but, when I arrived for the written test, along with 250 other applicants, most of them were easily 30 to 35 years younger than I was. Still, I refused to entertain the idea that no company wants to hire someone who is almost 60 years old. I really believe having that positive mindset helped me to pass the written test, to go on and pass the (panel) oral interview at HR, then go on to pass the second oral interview at the school site. I've been working at that position since January of 2012.
You have to condition yourself to start every day believing something good is going to happen to you that day. If nothing good happens to you that day, you're one day closer to the day when it DOES happen. The job with your name on it is out there, but, you have to attract it to you - you literally have to believe it into being a part of your life.
Hiring managers can literally smell how we feel about ourselves when we walk into an interview. Unless they're total idiots (which is not uncommon), they can sniff us out like dogs in heat. The only way to combat them is to convince yourself that YOU are fine, EVERYTHING in your life is fine, and that if you don't get the position you're interviewing for, you will CONTINUE to be fine and life will go on. (Example: when I had my second and final oral interview at the school site for the position I have now, my daughter and I were about 4 weeks from being homeless. And, we literally had NOWHERE to go and no money to get us there. Nevertheless, I calmly, warmly and professionally went through the interview, thanked them for their time, wished them a Merry Christmas and went home. Less than a week later, HR called me and said I had been chosen for the position.)
Our thoughts are powerful forces that can either VERY much hurt us when they're negative and VERY much help us when they're positive. You will be amazed at how situations in your life can and will turn around when you have a positive outlook at least 80% of the time. They may not happen overnight, but, they will happen.
Wishing you all the best in your job search, hon. DO NOT GIVE UP. NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP.
Janice : )
ps - sorry this is so long. I always do this. I could probably sit down and write a novel in one sitting without much effort. : )
In life, things are always going to change. So, if you base your self worth on the circumstances around you your life will likely be unstable. But if you can find the strength to perservere things will work out the way they were meant to work. I say this from personal experience.
Last October, I believed in my own competence and self worth. The day I graduated from a 4 week work readiness program the director offered me my 'dream job' helping others! And now I am back attending college and working a job I enjoy. I believe it will happen for you too. Best wishes Kara.
My suggestion is to apply for positions that most closely fit your skill set. I, too, tend to pick up on things a little slower than what could be considered "normal" sometimes. To compensate for that, over the years I've just learned to take really good notes, which I usually end up turning into a methods and procedures binder for the position. It not only helps me to learn my position better, it's always impressive to managers.
You could be in for a long wait if you wait for openings at companies where you think you'd be a good fit. Instead, as you look for positions to apply for, try to see if the openings are similiar to companies and positions where you're fairly certain you'd be successful.
In the meantime, you really need to try to work on getting a good, regular nights sleep. It's just not good for your health to stay awake for days at a time. Perhaps that has been some of the problem with your past positions, because getting a good nights sleep is key to having a production work day; at least I think it is. Maybe try relaxation tapes or meditation techniques as a few suggestions to getting to a place where you're sleeping well, but, I can't stress enough how important having that good sleep cycle is.
While you're working on these things, if you can manage to keep a positive outlook on just your life in general at least 80% of the time, that will absolutely help you to get through the problems you're facing, although most of us who have been through particularly long term unemployment know that feeling positive ALL the time just isn't possible. During the 26 months I was unemployed, some days I woke up absolutely feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I would spend a good part of the day in tears. But, the next day, I would just resolve to not let the negative feelings of the previous day continue to pull me down. One of things that helped the most to combat a dark day was remembering to be thankful for the things I DID have in my life, no matter how insignificant they might seem.
Wishing you the best as you work out the road ahead...
Janice
I love what loveblue2 says about managers being able to sniff out how we feel about ourselves. That is so important. People do pick up on those "vibes".
Also glad that you are too chicken to do anything suicidal. When I first learned of my layoff after 33 years, it was the first time I could totally relate to anyone who would feel that way for just a second it seemed. Indeed dark places.
How are you doing?
Hoping God eventually provides for us and praying for all long term underemployed and unemployed.
God Bless and Take Care.
Cheryl